Random Update

Hey There!! Just wanted to give you all an update about the exercising plan. The first week was good. I worked out twice a day and ate salads and tuna. But, it is already getting harder. I say this while I am at Robert's mom's house eating French Onion dips and Ruffles and drinking Pepsi. So, I am contemplating getting another job for the holidays. I need more money, especially since Christmas is like five miles away. But, if I get a job, I won't be able to have a social life. I know that isn't the most important thing, but it's a high priority for me. So, I don't know what to do. When it nears the holidays, I start thinking a lot about my mom. She was born on Christmas and the holidays make me think of her more. Everyone says that as you get older, you get closer to your parents. I wish I would have had the opportunity to see if that was true. But, as she always told me, " That which doesn't kill me will make me stronger." She always taught me to work hard for what I need, that nothing in life is free. She taught me to stand up for myself and to be the best I can be So, this is kinda a tribute to my mom, whom I love, miss and will remember forever.

Exercise... Here I come!!

So, I am on a mission to lose more inches on my arms, waist and thighs than my roomate, Beth, by January 31 st. Last night we were at Buffalo's with our friend, Lindsy discussing how we were out of shape and needed to tone up and shed a few pounds. Lindsy suggested that Beth and I make a bet and up the stakes.. at first it was loser takes winner to Red Lobster, but that didn't give me enough motivation. So, Lindsy suggested that loser buys winner a new outfit, to show off their new look for $50. This was all the motivation I needed for two reasons- 1 I am broke and $ 5o is a lot of money to me and 2 I haven't bought myself a complete new outfit in like four years, so the race is on. Beth and I took down our measurements last night and worked out for an hour. I lifted weights and did crunches this morning and walked a mile on my lunch break. I am going to work out with Robert tonight. I WANT A NEW OUTFIT, but more than that, I want to feel better in general and be in better shape. If anyone wants to offer great work out ideas, please feel free. Gotta go for now, I have more lifting and stretching to do!!!

Long time no see!!!

Wow!! It's been a while since I got to blog and boy do I have a lot to say (big surprise, huh)? My car is a piece of CRAP!!!! That's the main lesson I have learned lately. Well, that's the fact. The lesson is that God is good and HE is always there for me, no matter what. No matter how much I go into debt and how many times I have to put gas in my car in a week, I am never stranded. Somehow, it always works out. Anyone who knows me for more than a minute can tell you how big of a worrier I am. I worry about everything- dumb stuff that doesn't matter. I have this mentality that I can fix everything on my own and I don't need any one's help... WRONG!! I can't do anything without God. I know we have heard it all our lives, but it's so true. It's a good thing that He is God and I am not, because if the roles were reversed, this world would be more screwed up than it already is. So, everyone thank God right now that Amber isn't in charge of the planet!!!

Robert and I are great. We are about to celebrate our 8 month anniversary. No wedding bells yet, but it WILL happen one day, for all of you hopeless romantics out there (Heather Anne )!!! Well, I must go for now, but I will talk to you all next month sometime.

Happy Anniversary Bonita Blanca!!!

After two weeks, I finally get my car back today. It's amazing how much I have missed driving... I never thought I would. Maybe it's more about the independence, I don't know. So, yesterday was a happy day for me!! It was the anniversary of having my Driver's License for a year. I wanna give some special thanks to Amy for letting me borrow ACE (she is a very trusting friend), to Freddie Herschel for fixing my tail light the morning of my test and buying my Chick-Fil-A biscuit and to Heather Anne for giving up a Saturday to teach me how to parallel park in two hours in Jones Elementary Parking lot. Thanks everyone for your encouragement, love and support. I really apprecite. And thanks to my car, Bonita Blanca, who, although she has cost me lots of money in the past few months, is a great car 0verall. I have lots of funny and weird memories of driving in the past year. Like getting stuck in the decelleration lane at Gainesville College and having an Oakwood policeman stop four lanes of traffic so I could get out, having to get the manager of Chick-fil-A get my keys out of my car before InnerG one night, because I locked them in there,driving to Red Lobster with Freddie in downtown Gainesville on a Friday night and complaining for 30 minutes because I couldn't find a parking spot. Those are just a few memories of the past year. I am looking forward to many more. Maybe by the next anniversary, I will have driven on 85 or 285, who knows?

Living Out the Word

God has a funny way of teaching me things, especially this week. In the Bible Study I am doing with Anne for this week, James 1 is the key chapter.. all about suffering and having joy in trials. Well, my car quit on Monday and is going to be in the shop until next Wednesday.. timing belt, valves, sensors, etc. And on top of all that, it is going to cost $800 to fix. Add that to the almost $1000 I have spent on a busted head gasket and radiator and the cost is close to $2000 in three months. All because my dad didn't take care of the car and now that he has given it to me, I have to pay. I was freaking out wondering where I would get that kind of money on such short notice with a part-time job and about $200 in the bank. A close family friend offered to let me put it on his credit card and pay it back every month, which is good, but now I owe about $2000 to two different Credit Card companies. I am going to have to have like three more jobs to pay for all this, plus rent and stuff. And with Gas prices being an insane amount, that makes it worse. However, God is in control and he has been working things out about the car situation. It stinks, but knowing He is there is what keeps me sane. Oh yeah, and on top of that, I got a summons in the mail yesterday saying I have jury duty at the end of September. I don't think my week could get any better.

There's a First Time for Everything.

Saturday morning I was awakened by Elliot the Spaniel scratching on my bedroom door. So, figuring that Beth was asleep and Elliot needed to go out, I dragged myself out the door. Much to my surprise, Beth was outside picking up limbs. Today is grass cutting day she said. I am going to teach you how to weeded, so it won't take as long. Oh great!! Just what I want to do at 8 am on Sat. morning. It can't be that hard right? So, she shows me how to crank it and how it works. This weededer is like a gazillion years old and as tall as me. And boy is is heavy. To make a long story short, the yard looks great and I did a good job. However, I burned my arm and am so sore. Next time, I am going to sweet talk someone into doing our lawn for us, or I can do as Robert suggested and move into a house with astroturf, or concrete. And then I won't have to worry about it. Power to you outdoorsy people who like that kind of stuff, cuz I don't.

Random Update

Hey Guys!!
I know I don't get to post a lot because I am at work behind a computer for six or seven hours a day, but can't check my email or post on my blog, except for every once in a while. How's life you ask? Well, I love my job, and am looking for another part time job for Fridays and Saturdays. Sarah told me to get an application from Goody's, so that's where I am going after work today. It feels weird not going to school. I mean I have been going every day for the past 17 years and now I am not. I am finding that I am more tired just working than I was working and going to school. It's really weird. It's probably because I still have a very busy social life. Mondays now that there is no more Inner G will be dedicated to my best friend and our STS-Search the Scriptures Bible Study that we do every week. Tuesdays are donned "Roomie" Day in which Beth and I eat pasta, drink coke and watch a chic flick. Wednesdays I spend with my honey eating french fries and watching the boob tube. Thursdays is Nexus, the Hebron Bible Study and my weekends are always jam packed. This weekend Beth and I are going to Buckhead to visit a friend from High school.
I love living on my own, but I miss living at home too. I miss my lil brother the most. He just started high school and will march in his first football game tonight at Johnson. Well, Winder is playing Johnson. I have to get used to taking out the trash, and stuff like that. Beth is even going to teach me how to weeded-which is really scary. I haven't cut grass in like, um, Well NEVER !!! So, it should be interesting. Anyways, I will post later!!

God is Good.. All the Time!!

I just want you all to know that God rocks my face off!!!! After struggling with the same sin over and over again, I finally decided to put an end to it once and for all. Without going into explicit detail about my sin and what it involves, I will say it has a lot to do with self control. So, after talking to numerous friends and family members, praying non-stop and diving into the Word, I have figured out a way to end the madness. It's been two days already and it feels great. It's really hard and I am sure that it is going to be a constant battle and some days I will fall flat on my face, but I will get back up, with God's help and keep going. Just wanted to share with you guys how awesome God is and how much He has been revealing Himself to me lately!!!

Long time, no post

Wow!! It's been over a month since I have posted a blog. That is crazy. I have been so busy at work that I haven't been able to write. Well, living with Beth is still awesome. We have a dog named Elliot and a cat named Noel. I have never had a cat before and it is definitely a different experience. We just bought a covered cat litter box, and boy were we excited. I guess it's the small things in life. I had an interview for a parapro job with Special needs kids, but I didn't get it. I am still looking though. Robert and I are better than ever. I love him soooo much. That's basically the extent of my life right now. Went to Florida twice in July and am glad to be home. Hopefully, I will be able to update my blog more often now. Talk to you all soon.

Miss Independent

I love, love, love living with Beth. It is honkin awesome. We have so much fun together. We had our first grocery shopping experience together on Friday. I stayed up every night til 4 am getting my room done. There are still a few things left to do, but for the most part, I am finished. Also, God rocks. It is hot at the house and being 100 years old, we aren't blessed with Central heating and air. So, I was wondering how I was going to survive. My grandma gave me three fans, but they weren't helping much... and I can't afford an air conditioner. So, my friend drives an hour and a half to bring me one.. for FREE. Props to Nicholas for helping me out.

House Warming

Hey Guys,
Tonight will be my first official night in my new place. I will be sleeping in my new room, with pictures everywhere, taking a shower in my own bathroom, eating at my own table, watching my own TV. I am super excited and so is Beth. Living with her is going to be a hoot. I want you all to see it.

Joining the world of the "Big Girls"

So, I will be moving in with Beth next weekend. I am scared and excited all at the same time. It's gonna be fun, however I have to bust my butt. I wrote out a budget and am gonna have to cut down on my social activities, but it will definitely be worth it. Beth is great and we get along so well, I am sure we will have a blast. I am "growing up" as they say. So many big things have happened in my life recently.. from getting my Driver's License, graduating college, getting a "real" job and now moving out. I will keep you posted about how things go. Just say a little prayer for me, please..

Peace out!!

Randomness

So, I finally got to see Stars Wars:Return of the Sith this weekend, and I actually enjoyed it. Which is wierd, considering that isn't my type of thing. Batman comes out on Friday... now that is right up my alley. So, guess what my wonderful, loving, sweetie of a boyfriend did this weekend? HE GOT A MOHAWK and he has curly hair, so imagine that. We ate at Olive Garden with his mom on Saturday and she hated it. I am kinda indifferent, I mean, I wouldn't get a mohawk, but it isn't my head. It suits his personality. He definitely likes to march to the beat of his own drum, but that's one of the things I love about him. Have to get back to work. Will post more later

Lessons from preschoolers

So, I have been doing Bible School this week at Chicopee, helping Anthony and Abby with the preschoolers. They are so cute and have an insatiable energy about them. They are curious, ask tons of questions and get amused by the simplest things. I used to be like that.. and then I grew up. Whenever I ask questions now, I am seen as either ignorant or annoying. Also, when I watch the kids sing songs about Jesus and ask questions about the Bible, I am taken aback. I wish I had that kind of enthusiasm for the Lord right now. I don't want to call what I am going through a valley.. it is worse than that. It is more like a miry pit. I am falling deeper and deeper and I can't get out, no matter how hard I try. I want to call for help, but something keeps me from doing that, and I can't for the life of me, figure out what it is. Anyways, just pray for me please

Lessons from preschoolers

Stressful Week

So, I found out last Tuesday that my brother who is in Iraq was involved in an accident about a month ago and almost died and almost lost his hearing. He is an armorer, in charge of weapons and one of his SSO's brought a loaded gun to him. Something (God ) told him to move out of the way. He did and the gun went off, sending the bullet through some packets of gatorade and the shrapnel hit his roomates leg. My brothers ears were bleeding and his equilibrium was off. He is ok thank God and suffered no long-term damage. I was just very upset that everyone else in my family knew about it except my dad and I. I called my sister in law and confronted her about it. She was really rude and stuff. Then, my brother called me that night and fussed me out (From Ir aq). I cried for two days.

I haven't talked to either one of them since. And now, my car is back in the shop.My week hasn't been going very well, but I am confident that it can only get better, right?

April flowers bring May lovers?

So, I have been thinking about marriage and weddings a lot lately. The fact that I went to Justin Lewallen's wedding on Saturday probably doesn't help matters much. I mean, ever since I was little I have had my wedding planned out. Dresses, bridesmaids, colors, flowers, etc... the whole nine yards. I also have my kids names picked out.. Chloe Ruth, Hannah Deborah and Ethan Isaiah. I have been listening to love songs and dreaming of my wedding. Don't worry, it isn't happening anytime soon or anything, I have just been thinking of it. And then there are all those around me who are about to tie the knot.. Abby and Anthony, Derrick and Ashlie, Tammy and Andrew, I could go on and on. So, I guess I will just keep dreaming of that special day and wait for it patiently. In the mean time I will have songs stuck in my head like " You look Wonderful Tonight," "To Make You Feel My Love" and " I Will Be Here."

The circle of life

I was reminded this week of " The Lion King" and how everything plays a part in the circle of life.. It's ironic that I thought of that since I have been dealing with a lot of change in friendships and situations lately. It's funny how you can be friends with someone for such a long time and then one day you find yourself noticing that you don't even know them at all. A lot of my friends are headed in different directions and have different plans for their lives. I am the kind of person who has this fairy-tale thought that I am going to be friends with everyone I am friends with now forever. However, it was in talking to Robert's mom last night that it occurred to me that most friendships are like the circle of life. They have a beginning and an end. Most friendships are for a season and don't last a lifetime. That is really hard for me to comprehend. So, now I am trying to deal with the fact that I may not be friends with everyone forever, so I should just cherish the friendship in the here and now.

I know this blog seemed like I was rambling, but this is where I am right now. BTW, please pray for me because there is a potential parapro job opening up and I will find out about it next week.

Opposites Attract

It's really funny to me how two people, who are completely opposite of one another, can be so incredibly happy together. This is Robert and I to a T. I love The Gaithers and country music (as you all know ). Speaking of, my man (Kenny Chesney) got married on Monday to Renee Zelwegger. And Robert loves 99 X and Zepplin, The Stones and Pink Floyd. I am an anal retentive neat freak and, well, he is the opposite. He loves to play video games and loves movies. I love hanging out with friends and being Dr. Love. But, when you put us two together, it is obvious that we really love each other and love being together. Anyways, enough mushy gushy stuff.

Heather, I guess you are glad to know that Bo Bice is still in the running for American Idol and the Clay Aiken wanna be got the boot. He still has a record deal, though, so his life is good right now.

moms are the best

Well, yesterday was pretty depressing for me. I cried.. ALOT!! I mean, it's been almost six years since I lost my mom, but some days it feels like only a second. I was thinking about everything I have learned from my mom and how much alike we are (were). Then, Pastor Doug did a sermon entitled "Table Lamps, marked Jeans and Clean Underwear," in which he told us of lessons learned from his mother in childhood, that he carries with him today. I realized that I am more like my mom than I ever thought. We both are sentamentalists. I was cleaning out her hope chest last week and discovered that she held on to the most interesting things, like invitations, cards, flower petals, old movie ticket stubs, coins from the arcade, old report cards.. stuff that others would think is weird. I do the same thing. We are also both people pleasers. We value our friendships and always have other peoples best interest at heart. Anyways, I can't explain to you how much I miss my mom. She was an amazing woman. She has definitely taught me alot and shaped me into the person I am today. So, be kind to your mothers, everyone, because they won't be around forever. Tell them you love them everytime you get a chance, spend time with her and let her know how important she is to you. I love you MOM!!

Hasta La Vista.. Gainesville College

Hi guys! I have some great news. Staying up til 1 am every night for a week for my Stats final paid off.. I got a C. Which means, two degrees, and no more Gainesville College. It is actually one of those bitter sweet moments of my life, ya know? After I have been there for four years, it is going to be weird not going back next semester. Oh well, hopefully, I will be teaching in August and living with Beth. Work is going good... we just came up with a new dance to celebrate bookings. We are adding choreography and a second verse.. it is called "Thank you Jesus." It is hilarious, and somewhat embarrassing, watching my boss and I dance around the office and sing. You had to be there. BTW, my parents are taking Robert and I out to dinner tonight. They haven't really gotten to know him that well. So, right now, I am just working and enjoying life. God is good!!!

Dr. Love strikes again!!

For those of you who don't know by now, I have become affectionately known as "Dr. Love." This stems from the fact that for the past two or three months now, everyone I know has been asking me for love advice, relationship advice, or advice about the opposite sex. I don't know how this came to be exactly, but I have taken it and ran with it. At least two or three times a week, I am called or confronted about a "love " issue. From " I like her, does she like me?" to " I don't get why he/she does...so and so" to "I am so mad at him/her I could kick his/her-----." I sit and patiently listen for hours as the distressed person pours out their heart to me. Then, I play devil's advocate, give them worse case scenaries and best case scenarios and leave the rest up to them. I don't tell them what to do or how to run their lives, I simply provide a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

I was taking a break from my Statistics marathon studying last night and grabbed a bite to eat with my friend Brooke. We were talking about the "Dr. Love" situation. I have been really stressed about finances lately, and a $945 credit card bill (Thanks to my car and Gainesville College) doesn't help any. She said that I should start charging for my " Dr. Love" sessions, like $5 per hour. Then, I wouldn't have to worry about bills. We laughed and continued to eat. Someone told me that this might be my calling. Too bad I'd have to spend four more years in college to make it happen.. I don't think so. I see my ability to listen and give advice as a blessing. I am glad that my friends trust me enough to tell me their problems and respect my opinion. So, if you ever need advice about anything concerning relationships, love or life in general, you know who to call.... DR. LOVE!!!

Weekend full of fun!!

My weekend was full of fun and busyness.. as usual. Friday was spent reminiscing over memories of my childhood. My friend Lauren and I looked through my baby pics and went through my moms hope chest, that was given to me when she died. We found my dad's old 8 tracks, napkins from my parents wedding 25 years ago, bday cards from my first bday, my mom's gradation gown and my dads diploma, my dresses and shoes from 22 years ago, scrapbooks, pics and more. Having lost my mom almost six years ago to cancer, I am so grateful for the fact that, like me, she kept things that may not mean anything to other people, but to us, they are priceless. I guess that is where I get my " organized pack rat" mode from. I have cards from elementary school, letters from Middle school, etc. Some people think I am crazy, but I want my kids to have things to remember me by, just like I have to remember my mom.

Then, on Saturday, I went shopping for my dad and stepmom's bday presents. They were born on the same day, two years apart, so they have a joint bday party every year. It was so much fun. We grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, with all the trimmings... baked beans, cole slaw, chips and dip.. and of course, double chocolate fudge cake. After the party, my friends and I went to Ben's houseboat on Lake Lanier to watch a movie. We had been the night before, where he cooked us jerk chicken and tallapia fish. It was amazing. However, being afraid of heights and getting motion sickness aren't a good combo. My head was spinning and my stomach was churning. Dramamine has become my new best friend. I will have to take it whenever I visit Ben. Then, yesterday was church. Then, Brooke and I went to visit our friend David, who just had knee surgery to fix his torn ACL. Last night, we went to service at Hebron, where the middle school choir had their concert.. it was really good. Then, we went to Beth's house and watched Mary Poppins.. another long, busy, fun weekend.

Now it is Monday and the weeks of finals. I made a 66 on my Stats test.. boo!! I have to study my butt off this week.. no social life for Amber... go straight to Inner G and straight home.. study, study, study... I NEED A C!!! PLEASE GOD, JUST A C!!!!

Accountability Partners

I am about to try to convince everyone who reads this blog to have an accountability partner of the same gender. I actually have 2, but I will tell you about one now. Lauren Hannah Dooley is the coolest girl ever. I have only known her for a few months, but we became instant friends. When I started dating Robert, she told me that it would be good to have an accountability partner to help me stay on track.. spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. So, I talk to her at least every other day and she asks me questions about my walk with God, my quiet times, my scripture memorization that Anne and I are doing together and my relationship with Robert and my friends. I trust her so much, which is good. If I screw up one day, I can call her and tell her. She emails me or calls me with encouraging scriptures and passages, she prays with me and for me. I feel like I can tell her anything. Since we became accountability partners, I can see how much I have grown in my spiritual and fleshy walks. So, I would encourage everyone to find an accountability partner.. it is an awesome experience that I would suggest to anyone.

Update

Hey Guys and girls,
I have an update for you regarding my friends whom I asked for advice about.. the guy who had issues with picking up a girl and paying for her meals and a girl who is old fashioned and wouldn't budge. Well, unfortunately, the girl was incredibly turned off by the guys lack of chivalry and the guy was turned off by the girls lack of sensitivity, so they decided to just be friends. Weird, huh? The guy still wants to hang out with the girl, but he doesn't want to pay and doesn't want it to be a date. Does that sound like wanting your cake and eating it too? I don't know why people make relationships so complicated. I agree with Jen about the whole compromise thing. If both people in the relationship aren't willing to give a little and be flexible, then the relationship won't work. I think that is what happened in this case. Anyways, just wanted to give you an update.

I turned in my application at the BOE the other day, so now I am just waiting and praying for the full-time parapro job. I hung out a lot at Beth's house this weekend (the house I plan to move into if I get the above job in August). I can't wait. I just feel like it is time for me to move out and live life in the " World of the Big Girls." Whatever happens will happen for a reason. I am placing it all in God's hands. Gotta go to work now.. I am working an extra day to make more money.. another blessing in my life. Peace out!!

I love Poker

Well guys and gals.. I never thought I would say this, but I LOVE POKER!! I didn't even know how to play until Saturday night. And I kicked everyone's tails. We played five card draw, five-card stud, Texas Hold 'em and Omaha, Blackjack and some other games I don't remember. We played for pennies. Three hours later, as it was approaching 1 a.m., Dr. Love won it all. It's amazing how fast I picked the game up. Usually it takes me a while to figure games out, but not this one. Now, I don't think I am good enough to play with the pro's like, Heather Anne, Chris Brown, or Tank, but I was pretty proud of myself. Next time I play, I want to do what Heather does and play for something more worthwhile, like candy (preferably chocolate).

My social life and mad poker playing skills are weighing on my sleeping, however. My priorities seem to be a little off. I would rather hang out than sleep, well I wouldn't rather, but that's always what happens and it's beginning to take it's toll. I have decided to start working out again, quit Mountain Dew (which is going to be extremely hard ) and start drinking more H2O. I will feel better, have more energy, and perform better at school and work. My friends and social life are very important to me, but not at the cost of my health. So, if you see me and I have bags under my eyes and I look a little droopy, you will understand why. Just don't mention the words Mountain Dew in my presence and I will be ok. It's crazy that I am so addicted to the stuff.. it's like a drug or something.

Chivalry.. Is it dead?

I have a question for guys and girls, and I am sure that I will get a different answer from each gender... Do you think the guy should pick up the girl when taking her on a date, even if she lives far away from the guy? My friend is struggling with this very issue. She has been on two dates with this guy. He lives in Lilburn and she lives in Auburn. She feels that he has to pick her up for it to be a date. He wants her to meet his parents and have dinner with them, but he wants her to drive to his house, and she refuses. They have to find a compromise. She told him that he either picks her up, they hang out after church on Sundays, since they attend the same church, or they don't date at all. I was just wondering what you guys and girls thought about it. I personally think that the guy should pick up the girl. I am very old-fashioned and believe it is a sign of respect and it makes the girl feel special knowing that the guy cares enough to pick her up. I also think that after they have been dating for awhile and all that, it is cool if the girl wants to drive to meet the guy, or they can meet halfway. These people are really close to me and they have both asked me for advice and I don't know what to tell them.. Dr. Love is at a loss!! Amazing, isn't it? Your comments on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I'm Back!!!!

God's really been teaching me about perspective lately and about how He can use a "bad" situation for good. For example, my friend Clint, whom I went to highschool with and just met back up with a few months ago, had an accident at work on Monday. A 1500 pound tool box from a truck fell on him. Guess what? All he got was a broken hand and a few scratches. He is truly blessed. He is having surgery today and getting pins put in his hand. Please say a prayer for him. The situation could have been a lot worse. It could have hit his head, given him brain damage, or even worse, killed him. God used his accident to help me realize that things can be worse than they are. I have been doing a lot of "wallowing" lately. In self-pity, in sadness, in depression.. whatever you want to call it and I am sick of it. I am ready to get back to my normal self and have a positive outlook on life again. I am tired of being unhappy, confused and stressed. I want my life back. I am truly blessed and I need to start looking at life in that way again. I want God to bring back my desire to study His word and memorize Bible verses.. because lately, I haven't had a desire to do any of that. It is affecting my life and those around me as well. So, although I had a momentary lapse of something, I am back and ready to tackle whatever life throws my way. It feels great to be back!!!!

what in the world?

This has been a week of stress and confusion for me. I am trying to save up money to move in with Beth in August and go to North Georgia. I am very thrifty and only spend money on neccessities, like gas, insurance, cc bill, etc. But, no matter how hard I try, something messes up my plan. My car just got out of the shop.. busted head gasket... $450 worth of repair. Now, I will be paying my cc bill off until I am 50. I know that everything happens for a reason and that I will learn something from this, I just wish I knew who it was that God was trying to teach me and I wish he would hurry it up!!! Anyways, I guess things could be worse, right? There is always someone who is worse off than you.. that' s what my mom used to tell me. She also said, "That which doesn't kill you will make you stronger." I must be as tough as nails, then. So, my weekend is chock full of fun and adventure. Dr. Love is the most social girl on the planet. Have a wonderful weekend and I will be back on Monday. Peace out!!!

what is going on?

so, this has been a week of confusion and stress. I have been trying to save up money to move in with Beth and go to North Georgia. I mean, besides, gas, insurance and cc bill, I don't spend any money. I am very thrifty and am very good with money. So, you can understand why I was so upset yesterday when Bonita Blanca, my precious car, went into the shop to get a new head gasket.. total cost... $450. Now, that may not seem like a lot of money to you, but when I only work 17hrs/week and only make about $100, that is a lot of money. I got so angry yesterday, but then I realized that everything happens for a reason and I am going to learn something from this. I realized that I am blessed to have amazing family and friends to help me out when I need it and that things could be worse. So, while I may be paying my cc bill off until I am 50, I am learning to look at things differently and make the most of every situation.

What is going on?

So, this has been the week of craziness and stress for me. I am trying so hard to save up my money so that I can move in with Beth in August and go to North Georgia, right? I mean, I only spend money on gas, insurance and credit car bills and the rest goes straight into savings. I go out to eat and sit, unless Robert buys my dinner (which usually happens), I am very thrifty and good with my money. But, as always, I am thrown a curve ball... My precious Bonita Blanca, my car is in the shop getting a new head gasket put on and the price.. $450. I know that may not sound like a lot of money to some of you, but considering that I only work 17hrs/week and bring home only around $100, that is a lot of money. I remember getting so angry yesterday and bursting into tears. I don't understand why this has to happen to me. Then, I realized that everything happens for a reason and I am going to learn something form this. Today, I am being chauffered from school and work, like I was before I got my license. I realized that I am blessed to have amazing friends and family who are willing to help me out when I need it. And I realized that things could be a whole lot worse. So, while I may be paying my cc bill off until I am 50, I am alive and well, a living and breathing child of God. And for that, I am truly blessed!!!

Random

Mistakes.. they are meant to be learned from, right? Well, why is it that I keep making the same type of mistakes over and over again? I really need you guys to pray for me. I am struggling right now with a particular sin in my life. It has had a hold on me since I was 16 years old. I always have the best of intentions. I even go a few months without making this mistake, but somehow it always ends up happening again. I don't understand. I know it is because I need to be in the Word more and rely on God more. This "Sin" is affecting many different parts of my life... my relationships with friends, my quiet times and my relationship with God in general. It really stinks. I want to be able to deal with it and not have to worry about it anymore. I don't understand why it is so hard for me. I don't want to be like this and have this hanging over my head. Please pray for me. I need strength and patience and most importantly, self-control. Sorry that this was random, but I definitely need ya'll to keep me in your prayers. I don't ask often and certainly wouldn't post it on my blog if it wasn't important.

On another note, I had a great Easter. I spent it with Robert and his mom. She is such a sweetheart and I love her dearly. Then, Robert and I spent a rainy afternoon watching "Golden Girls."My parents bought me butterfly sheets and chocolate for Easter.. Cadbury cream eggs.. yum yum!!! I also went on a double date with my best friend and the guy she is dating on Friday night. Then, on Saturday, we went shoe shopping and out to eat. Anyways, I will go now and take a nap. I am so tired.. I had a busy weekend. Peace out!!

Drama, Drama, Drama

I think it is funny how we are supposed to be "adults," but so many times we still act like we are in high school. I am the victim of gossip right now. Well, maybe not gossip, but talking behind the back kind of stuff. I mean, I thought that adults were supposed to talk to each other about their problems, not call ten other people about their problems with other people. I mean, I am guilty of it too. As a matter of fact, we all are. I just wish that we would realize that the solution to the problem lies with the person that you have the problem with. Anyways, I am kinda bummed out about this, have had a headache nonstop for two days, and just made a 69 on my stats test. It's turning out to be a crappy day.
But, as Johnny always says, situations can make you bitter or better, it's all about your attitude. So, I have decided to use it to make me better. I have a very fun weekend planned and I am looking forward to it. Tonight, Robert and I are going on a double-date with Anne and Daniel. I have always wanted to go on a double-date with my best friend and now it is finally happening. We are going to RoadHouse and then back to Anne's house to watch a movie. Tomorrow, I am going shoe shopping with Robert (he really needs a new pair of shoes) and then to Dave and Buster's with Kelly and Tori.. we haven't had a girls day in forever. It will be good to catch up and hang out with them. Then, on Easter, Robert and I are going to get up early and go to Union Point, go to church with his mom and have lunch with her. He doesn't get to see her a lot, but they are very close. I love that woman. I loved her the first five minutes I met her. I talked to her last night, she encouraged me, gave me Bible verses and prayed with me on the phone.. She is truly a Godsend.
So, I am going to make the best of my weekend, hanging out with friends and family, and pray alot. I thank God for Easter and for dying on the cross and for rising on the third day, so that we could live and serve Him and spend eternity with Him one day. I will be thinking a lot about my mom this weekend and Easters as a child.. Easter egg hunts, baskets filled to the brim with candy and toys, chocolate bunnies, The Easter Bunny, dinner with family, etc. It truly is a great time of the year. So, to all of my fellow blogger friends out there.. Have the most blessed Easter ever, remember what it is all about, and thank God for the many blessings he gives us!!!

If you're Happy and you know it.....

Hey Guys!! I am very H-A-P-P-Y with life in general. I feel as if I have reached a point in my life where everything may not be going exactly like I want them to, but I am happy because I am a bigger and better person because of them. There are a lot of changes about to take place in my life, which is scary and exciting, all at the same time. I am applying for my first full-time job this week.. being a parapro in August, when school starts back. I am mailing my application back in today and my three references are soon to follow. If I get this full time job, I am moving out of my parents house and in with my friend Beth, into her grandmothers 100 year old house.. it is beautiful and rent will only be $150/month. Where else do you find rent that cheap? It will be good for me. I need to get out on my own and enter the "real world." As much as I love living at home and being able to spend time with my family, I am an adult and have to start acting like one. Robert and I are getting along nicely. He is an amazing guy. I am just happy. I have memorized like five new verses and am currently reading in the book of Habbakuk, which I barely knew existed, until last week. It is amazing. It speaks of the nations and God's blessings on them. So, guys and gals, you are looking at one happy camper. I love you all and will talk to you all soon. Gotta head to work. Peace out!!

goodbye spring break.. hello stats

I just spent the entire week of my Spring Break hanging out with Robert, friends and family. I watched "The Pacifier," bought a new outfit, got a hair cut and color, sang karaoke, taught a friend how to line dance, played the worst two hours of Maffia ever, babysat, helped someone move, played chauffeur to my brother, picked up food and medicine for my parents who have the flu, given love advice to a dozen people, memorized two more verses and eaten more chocolate cadbury cream eggs in one week than I have in my entire life. My Spring Break was awesome, but, unfortunately, it is over and I have to step back into reality and enter back into the world of Statistics. I have a test on Wednesday and needless to say, I didn't crack a book over break, so I will be spending the next two nights cramming and memorizing formulas, but that's ok. My spring break was exhausting, exciting, fun and crazy, all rolled into one. It is great to have a break every once in a while.

prayers, please!!!

I have a prayer request, along with Heather. My sister in law told me that my brother was in the middle of an attack in Iraq and was almost hurt and/or killed. The good news is that he is back in Bakuda and the attacks were in Falusia. He got promoted. He is the top armorer in his entire division. Just keep him in your thoughts and prayers, please. Have a great day.

Times they are a changing

I really feel like I am at a stage in my life where many exciting things are happening and are going to happen in the near future. My memory verse for this past week was Exodus 33:19, which says," I will cause my goodness to pass in front of you and I will proclaim my name, The Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy and compassion on whom I will have compassion." God's been showing His goodness to me a lot lately. I feel as if change is about to take place. And I mean, major change, more than a new boyfriend and a new haircolor, both of which are awesome, though. I feel as if God is about to knock my socks off and bless me beyond measure. I am just going to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!!!

On a random note, I have started reading the second Birth order book and I must say that is pretty stinkin awesome. It explains a lot about the way I am and why I act the way I do. Thanks Freddie for letting me borrow it. Well, gotta get back to work and make the money to pay the bills.. wow, I feel really old when I say that. Peace out and holla at ya'll lata!!

Mother Dearest

So, I have been thinking about my mom a lot lately. It makes me so happy when I hear my friends talk about being close to their moms. Two of the girls at DNow told me all about how their mom was their best friend and they do everything together. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy for them that they can be that close to their mom and share everything with them. Sad in knowing that my mom and I were never very close, and now I don't have her here to change that.
Not to get all mushy, but I really miss her. I miss her spending eight hours one day in the summer teaching me how to make a bridge with cards. I miss her cooking, her laugh and her contagious smile. I remember her coming to every football game-home and away-for four years, to see the same half time show and hear the same music every week, because she was so proud of me. The last football game of my Junior year, she was there. She had already been diagnosed with Lymphoma and was taking chemo treatments. It was freezing cold. She sat in the car, because she was too weak to walk up the bleachers, but she was there. She was my chaueffer, my shoulder to lean on and my friend. Even though I was always a daddy's girl and my mom and I never had that "close knit"Mother-Daughter relationship, I know without a doubt that she loved me. The last thing she said to me, while lying in a hospital bed at Athens Regional Medical Center, in ICU, on life support was that she loved me and was proud of me.
Even though my mom and I never had heart to hearts, went on shopping sprees or out to lunch together, we had this unspoken bond. The most awesome memory I have of my mom is seeing her get saved a month before she passed away. And knowing that I was a part of it. It has been five and a half years, some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like an eternity. My last memory of her, before the hospital was giving her a hug and a kiss and telling her that I loved her, before I went to see the fireworks with my cousin and brother. I thank God every day that the last thing that my mom said to me was that she loved me. Some people don't get that, ya know? I miss her so much, and I know that if she were here right now that we would be the best of friends. But, I also know that God is in contro and that she is with Him, which is far greater than anything that can happen here on Earth.
I guess what I am trying to say with all this is that your parents are very important and they won't always be here. My mom was 37 when she died and left behind a 17 year old, a15 year old and an 8-year old. My little brother will never have as many memories of my mom as I did, and that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Didn't mean to get all mushy, I am just speaking from the heart. I love you mom and miss you more than words can describe!!!!

Disciple Now weekend!!

This past weekend was crazy, tiring, fun, touching and emotional all at the same time. I was a co-leader for Disciple Now at Hebron Baptist Church in Dacula. Beth and I had ten 8th grade girls. We stayed at a host home, taught the girls lessons, did mission projects, recreation and Two Bare Feet led worship and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs was the guest speaker. I was really scared at first about teaching teenagers, since I am used to teaching preschool and kindergarten, but God really taught me some amazing things before the weekend was over. The girls in our group were very mature spiritually and they were asking a lot of thought provoking questions that Beth and I could not answer. They wanted to be involved in the lessons, were very outspoken, and participated well. I was so impressed with them. For our mission project, we boxed up food for a food center in West Virginia, where the youth will be going on Spring Break. These people are very poor and don't have alot. The project taught us team work and how to help others. It was awesome. Around 20 kids got saved at the meetings, and more got saved in their groups. It was rockin. I only got about seven hours sleep the entire weekend, but it was so worth it. I will definitely help out with it again next year.

Disciple Now weekend!!

This past weekend was crazy, tiring, fun, touching and emotional all at the same time. I was a co-leader for Disciple Now at Hebron Baptist Church in Dacula. Beth and I had ten 8th grade girls. We stayed at a host home, taught the girls lessons, did mission projects, recreation and Two Bare Feet led worship and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs was the guest speaker. I was really scared at first about teaching teenagers, since I am used to teaching preschool and kindergarten, but God really taught me some amazing things before the weekend was over. The girls in our group were very mature spiritually and they were asking a lot of thought provoking questions that Beth and I could not answer. They wanted to be involved in the lessons, were very outspoken, and participated well. I was so impressed with them. For our mission project, we boxed up food for a food center in West Virginia, where the youth will be going on Spring Break. These people are very poor and don't have alot. The project taught us team work and how to help others. It was awesome. Around 20 kids got saved at the meetings, and more got saved in their groups. It was rockin. I only got about seven hours sleep the entire weekend, but it was so worth it. I will definitely help out with it again next year.

Call me Dr. Love

Dr. Love is my new nickname for my Hebronite friends in Dacula. The second everyone found out that Robert and I had started dating, everyone (6 people in 3 days), started calling me, telling me about their crushes and asking for my advice. As if dating someone for three days makes me a love expert. I listened to their gushing romanticisms and rantings and then I told them that if they like someone they should tell them. We are all adults here, it shouldn't be that hard, right? Then, I looked back on my life, at how many times I have wanted to tell someone how I feel, whether it was a guy I liked, someone who hurt my feelings, or someone I didn't neccessarily agree with and how I chickened out, got scared, tucked in my tail and ran. I realized that I am in no way, shape or form the person that needs to tell others how to handle this kind of situation. Although, I am very glad that my friends trust me enough to bare their souls to me and tell me their deepest desires and emotions. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, from now on, just call me Dr. Love.

Ok, complete random subject change.. I am good at that :>) So, this weekend I am going to be doing Disciple Now with Hebron Baptist Church. Beth and I are in charge of 12 8th grade girls. We sleep at a host home, teach the girls lessons, do community service projects and recreation. Two Bare Feet will be doing a concert and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs will be speaking. I am so excited. It will be very exhausting, but life-changing I am sure. I was a little nervous about doing this, but when I met the girls last night, I became super excited. They are so sweet and they just started talking to me right away. I am sure that we will have late nights and emotional days, but I KNOW that God's hand is on it and that He will touch the hearts and lives of those students, as well as the leaders. I am sure that I will learn more from the girls than they will from me. Just keep us in your prayers and I will keep you posted. Peace out!!!

Lesson Learned

God has been teaching me a lesson over this weekend. Actually, it's something my mom used to tell me as a kid, but of course I never listened. The lesson is that if you go your whole life not doing things because you are afraid of getting hurt, then you may miss out on a great opportunity. This happened to me this weekend. My friend Robert from Hebron told me that he liked me on Thursday night and asked me out. He is a great guy, we have a lot in common and have tons of fun together. I was kinda apprehensive about dating again period, because I am sick of getting hurt. I thought about it a lot and prayed about it and I decided that getting hurt is a part of life and a chance I have to take to get to know an awesome guy. So, I guess I am officially dating someone. It is scary and exciting, all at the same time. We are taking it very slow and are gonna do a lot of group dating, which is so fun. There is no pressure and it is a great feeling. He still has his life and I have mine, but together we have fun too. We know a little about each others past and I think that will make our relationship better. He is very sweet and considerate. I just wanted to share this with everyone and get you to pray for us. I haven't had the best track record with dating and guys and I have made a lot of mistakes in the past that I have learned from. I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.

BTW, total random subject change... my brother in Iraq just got promoted from an E-4 to an E-5. I don't really know what that means exactly, but I do know that is really good. I am so proud of him. Just keep him in your prayers also.

God is my provider

We all know that God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider, but how much do you ever think about it? At church last night, we were talking about how God provides for us always. It may not always be in the way or at the moment that we want it to, but He never leaves us hanging. God knows when and if we need the things that we want. His timing and our timing aren't always the same. If God gave us everything that we ever wanted, we would never give Him the glory. Think about it.. when we are most fufilled by the world with having everything we want, we are most distant from God. Then, when we want or need something again, we take God back out of the box we placed Him in and ask Him once again for whatever it is that we think we need and can't live without. Pretty true, huh? Why can't we just be so focused on Him and so in love with Him that we allow Him to decide what happens in our lives and when. God meant for things to be relatively simple, and we, as humans, have to make everything so darn difficult. Why is that? The more I get to know Him, the more I realize there is more to Him than I could ever fully understand or grasp. That's why I love Him so much.

So, the next time you ask God for something and He doesn't answer in your timing, don't think of it as an unanswered prayer, think of it as bad timing or something better is coming your way. That is where I am now and that is what He has been teaching me. Put Him first no matter what and then that way, no matter what happens in your life, you will know who is in control and who has the plans for your life... Him, not me, THANK GOD!!!

Stress!!

Man.. God must really be trying to deal with me at this point in my life. I have been struggling a lot lately with a lot of different issues in life. My job isn't what I thought it would be, I feel like I am not accomplishing anything that I want to accomplish, I have had to step back and examine my life and decide where I stand on certain issues and who I really trust. I am finding out who my true friends are and all that. I have been missing my mom a lot lately and it has just been really hard. I know that my God is bigger than anything I am going through, and that fact is what keeps me going and perservering to the end!! I feel as if my world has been turned upside down and I am losing control.. it is a scary feeling.

My awesome weekend

My weekend was rockin!! Considering that I was sick last weekend, it felt good to be able to have fun again. So, Friday night, I went to Inoko's with some girlfriends of mine from Dacula. Our poor waiter had burned his hand on the habachi grill and had blisters everywhere. We made friends with the people sitting next to us and the chef made us animals out of aluminum foil with our leftovers. I got a mermaid, Carrie got a frog, Marsha got a swan, Suko got an octopus and Beth got a purse. The little boy beside me got a Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle. It was awesome. On Saturday, about ten of my Dacula/Hebron friends were at my house. We ordered four large pizzas and coke. We listened to music, played Trivial Pursuit and Tabu. Then, Suko taught us a cool game called "Silent Football," which has nothing to do with football by the way and Brandy and I showed the gang how to play "Big Booty." I will have to teach it to the Inner G group.. it is really fun. They didn't leave til about 1 am. Then, on Sunday, I taught the preschoolers about Daniel and the Lions Den and we made Lions manes out of paper plates.. I wore mine into the church service and got a lot of funny looks.. oh well. I went home, ate Ravioli, watched some Felicity and chilled. Then my friend Robert came over, along with my brother and sister-in-law. They tried to teach me how to play poker... Texas Hold em and some other stuff.. I stink at Poker and betting chips.. anyways, I had a lot of fun trying. Also, great news.... I talked to my brother yesterday morning from Iraq. It made my day. He is fine.. just please continue to keep him in your prayers.

I am bringing two of my Hebron friends with me to Inner G tonight.. Robert and Clint (whom I went to HS with and graduated with). I am going to go to the mall and eat lunch with a friend and buy my man (Kenny Chesney's ) new CD... YAY!! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressful week!!

This week has been very tiring, stressful and crazy. I mean, I only have one class and a part-time job, but it seems like this week was very straining on me. I had a test this morning in Stats, which I probably could've studied a little harder for, but I think I did ok anyway. I am not complaining, but I get tired of doing the same thing for six hours at work everyday. Sitting in front of a computer, looking up email addresses, cutting and pasting them into a database.. although, I did get three states worth of churches done this week... Colorado, Iowa, and Kentucky. I have had a zillion things running through my mind this week. Been thinking about my brother in Iraq, Ashlie in Swaziland, issues I am dealing with concerning friends and stuff. I am the kind of person, unfortunately, who sits and thinks about things, analyzes them and dwells on them forever. It stinks, but that is one of my character flaws, I guess. I have a hard time getting over things and letting them go sometimes. And I always think that I can fix everyone else's problems, except for my own. Sorry guys, this is a rambling blog post today. That is the way my mind is ... random ramblings. Can any of you relate? I am sure that you can. Well, I'm gonna go now and see what else I can worry about and analyze over. Until next time.

Continued...

I wasn't really done with the post before I went to class. Anyways, Tammy and I were talking about how I am happy for her, excited about the preparations for the wedding, jealous that she is getting married and truthfully, sad that I am not even dating anyone. It is kinda bittersweet. I mean, we won't be able to have as many girls nights and go paint the town red, yellow and purple. But, most of all, I am very happy for her. I see how awesome she and Andrew are together and how much they love and care about each other. That makes the difference.

So, yeah, I guess I have just been in a mushy, sappy mood lately. I mean part of it goes with the territory.. I am a very high strung, emotional woman, ya know? Anyways, if this is happening to my best friend, then I can' t wait until I get my turn one day. YAY!!

I think I'm ready

After hanging with Tammy last night, gawking over her very beautiful engagement ring and pouring over Bridal Magazines at Starbucks for two hours, I have come to the realization that I am ok being single, but I am ready to start dating again, when the right guy comes alone. I was teasing Tammy about how she had to hook me up with her really nice looking cabana boy friend who I met on our trip to Florida (too bad he lives there, though). Then I was telling her that as her maid of honor, I must be escorted by and dance with the best man and how I hope he is nice and it would be cool if we hooked up (btw, I don't even know the best man and have never met him). I was saying all this to prove that I am ready to be in another relationship, if and when God is ready for it to happen. No rush, though!!

Anyways, I am super excited about being Tammy's maid of honor.. shopping for dresses, planning the bridal shower and bachellorette party, getting hair, nails and makeup done together.. it's gonna be a ton of fun. We were talking last night about how I am excited for her. Gotta go to class now. Talk to you later.

Happy Valentnes Day.. AKA Valloween

My friend Rodney came up with a word to say instead of Valentines Day and that is Valloween... Valentines Day and Halloween mixed together. This would be what the single people would call it, or at least me. Another one of my friends donned Valentines Day SAD day... Singles Awareness Day. Although, I have to say that everyday is a day for me to be aware that I am single, although I am perfectly fine with that. Like Leana Winn said last night. .. when you are single, you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself and what you are doing, you can use your money on other things besides dates and you can dress up for yourself, just because, and you don't have to have a reason. For all of you out there who are dating, engaged, married, whatever, props to you. I hope you get all the roses, chocolate and sweet cards that you deserve. But for all you single people out there, use this day as a reminder that the greatest love is the love that Jesus Christ has for us... HE is the lover of our souls and our best friend. Take some time today and read 1 Corinthians 13, which happens to be my favorite. Spend some time in prayer today and thank God for loving you. Also use today to do something special for someone you love... Melody and I are taking Hershey's kisses to schools in Hall County today to show them how much we appreciate them. Random Acts of Kindness.. that's what I like to call it. So, Happy Valentines Day, Valloween or S. A. D.... whatever you want to call it.

The First Day

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I emailed 6000 newsletters, which took about 3 hours and put about 200 people and their info into a data base, which took two more hours. I have to finish the emails today, only 5000 more to go. I got to eat lunch with Charles (my boss) and his family. He and his wife Laura have a three year old daughter, Faith and a 10 month old son named Wesley. They are so cute. Faith told me all about the Wiggles and wanted me to play with her. Laura and I talked about Journalism, since she has a degree in that too. She used to work for the Gwinnett Daily Post. It was quite fun. I have to be at work at 12 today. And Tammy is coming over tonight to show off her ring. That's what happening in my world right now. Just keep praying for me. ... I am still sick and have a major tooth ache. Besides that, God rocks. Gotta go to Stats now. Talk to you later!!!

Naptime!!

I never realized how much better taking a nap can make you feel. It's funny how, in kindergarten I hated taking naps, and now, I usually don't have time. Well, I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so Friday I came home from school and took a three hour nap, a two hour one on Saturday and one yesterday after church. I felt so much better after I woke up. Last night I went to bed running a 101 fever. I tossed and turned all night long. I have been taking sinus medicine, aspirin and Echinacea. Well, this morning, my fever was gone.. praise God. I am still sick, but I would rather have the sniffles and eat cough drops, than have a fever. Especially since I start my new job tomorrow, I have to feel good, ya know?


On a happier note, my best friend Tammy called me yesterday and said that her boyfriend Andrew proposed to her on a boat on the lake at Stone Mountain. We screamed and were all excited. I am going to be her maid of honor, which means I get to help her pick out her dress and all that fun stuff. Plus, I get an excuse to dress up and look drop dead gorgeous myself. I am so happy for her! Every little girl dreams of her wedding day and meeting Prince Charming, and now her dream gets to become a reality. We are getting together this week so I can see the rock and we can cry and scream some more.. you know how girls are!!! I think I am gonna head home and do laundry and take another nap before church tonight. Sweet dreams!! Don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

sniff..sniff...sniff

Sniff.. Sniff.. Sniff.. I feel horrible. I couldn't sleep last night. I was freezing, even though I had my electric blanket on high and my heater on high. I mean, I am always cold, but this is insane. I woke up with the sniffles, a back ache, and am still freezing. I never get sick, so this isn't cool. The last time I went to the doctor was eighth grade. Then, my brother missed the bus, so guess who had to take him to school? We spent 15 minutes getting ice off my winshield with the scraper, and I had to get gas. Amazingly, I made it to GC with 10 minutes to spare. Then, in Stats class, this lady in front of me accidentally spilled my entire cup of hot chocolate on the desk, the floor, my notebook, my book satchel and my jacket. As a matter of fact, I still smell hot chocolate now. So, needless to say, my morning hasn't been the best one, but I am sure that it will get better.


Tonight, Tammy and I are supposed to paint the town red (again).. dinner, The Prince and Me, Scrabble.. what more can you ask for. Tomorrow night I am babysitting for MB's Sunday School class and then spending the night with her.. YAY.. Sunday night I will be watching the SuperBowl with Anne... I have too much to do this weekend to be sick. Oh well, life goes on. That is what I say. I think I am gonna go see who is in the Student Center, so I can run my mouth. Then, I am going home and going to sleep... that always makes me feel better.

Answered Prayers

God is totally rockin.. just wanted to let you guys know!! I heard back from my job today and I got it. I start next Tuesday. I am so excited. I know that a lot of prayer went into this job offer and I certainly got a lot of encouragement from it. I found out that he called some of my references and that he was very impressed... that makes me feel good. I didn't do as good on my Stats test as I had hoped, but a 77 isn't too shabby for me... especially in Math. At first I was upset, but then I realized that I did my best and that was all I could do. I finally got to talk to my brother, who is in Kuwait right now. They will be shipping out to go to Iraq in the next few days. Please keep him in your prayers. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. I mean, everyone else in my family had gotten to talk to him, except for me. My family is going to send him a care package when he gets to Iraq, so if anyone wants to send him anything, just let me know. He said that there were no animals or trees..,. it is dry, desolate and quiet. He has a cold and had to pay $9 for a 12 pack of Advil, and we think we have it bad. I will never again complain about the price of anything. He is going to be driving one of the tanks from Kuwait to Iraq, which scares me and my dad to death. But, he said that there are lots of weapons on that tank, so he will be safe. I don't know. It is completely in God's hands. Anyways, out of all this rambling, I just wanted you to know that God rocks, He provides and He always takes care of His children. Just remember that!!

Submission

Submission is a very touchy subject to most people, including myself. Most people have a hard time submitting themselves to others, whether it be authority figures, such as cops, gov't officials, teachers, bosses, etc, or to your husband or wife or anyone else for that matter. But most importantly, we have a hard time submitting ourselves to God and letting him take control. I always thought of submission as doing whatever someone tells you to do, and being at their beck and call, but I found out that it means to be subject to... to honor and respect and be willing to do whatever it takes for that person, no matter what. If someone wants you to do something that goes against the Bible or your beliefs, then obviously you don't have to submit to them.

The speaker last night said that he felt that the reason that most women struggle with submission and view it as something bad is because males haven't been taking their leadership roles seriously and have abused the submission thing to scare women and get them to do what they want. This is completely wrong. For example, my stepbrother, who just turned 19 and my sister-in-law, who is 16, have been married for about four months. Every night before they go to sleep, he makes her put her hand on the Bible and promise that she will never cheat on him or leave him... EVER. Imagine having to do this everyday. I believe that this is an example of misusing submission.

Submission, along with everything else, is all about the heart and having the right motives. Submission doesn't neccessarily mean obedience. You can have respect and honor for someone and not agree with everything they say, or do everything they want you to do. I know I am probably rambling on and not making much sense, but it made sense last night. I would love to know you guys opinion on submission, just because I am curious to know from guys and girls perspectives. You can read 1 Peter for yourself and let me know what you think.

Ultimate Satisfaction!!

"He can't be fully glorified in us, until we are fully satisfied in Him"-This is a quote from a lesson that Heather taught back in July. It has been engrained in my heart, soul and mind ever since. I used to think that being satisfied and content meant that you had a significant other, a good job, a stable family and a focus and goal for your life, now I realize that while all of these things are important, they aren't most important. Being satisfied means, according to Webster,"to be convinced beyond a doubt" or to "gratify the need, desire or expectation of something." So, in other words, true satisfaction comes from the inside out, instead of the outside in. JESUS CHRIST IS MY ULTIMATE SATISFACTION!!

As I have been growing a lot spiritually and emotionally in the past few months, it is amazing how God has been working in my life and the things He has been showing me about myself and how to grow closer to Him. For example, I was having a really hard time getting over the breakup with Juan, whom I dated for a year. I had been praying and praying, but everytime I saw him, the feelings I had for him would come back. Finally, Jesus brought this quote to my attention and it has been so much easier living life single. I can honestly say that I am happy being single and that Jesus is the one true love of my life. I am spending each day now falling more and more in love with Him. I am finding my true satisfaction in Him, instead of in a relationship. This is just one example of this lesson being learned in my life. So, where do you find your true satisfaction and contentment? In Jesus Christ or in people, materialistic things, or situations? Just something to think about!!

La La La!!

You know, it's funny how God takes something that we see as an inconvienence and uses it to draw us closer to him. Ever since I started driving, I have been without a radio in my car. Now, to some of you, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I love music, I love to sing (even though it doesn't sound very good) and I love to roll down the windows and crank up the music.. especially Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. So, I complained a lot at first about not having a radio to listen to or being able to pop in a CD at the drop of a hat. Well, God took my complaints and turned them to blessings. My drives in the car are now used to sing praise songs to my Savior and to talk to Him, my best friend about whatever is on my mind. I am sure that other drivers think I have gone insane and am talking to myself, but it rocks!! It's amazing how God uses something as small as a radio not working to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, I just sit in the car and cry, pray, sing, hum, shout, whatever.. it doesn't matter. Not knocking devotional books at all, but for me personally, my time alone in the car with God has brought me closer to him than reading a devotional book, or verse of the day. The song that God has been putting in my heart, soul and mind lately is one that I have known since youth camp in ninth grade. It describes perfectly where I am in life now and how much I love God and want to grow closer to him.

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after you.
To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in your truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord,
So, lead me on, and I will run after you.
Lead me on, and I will run after you.

There are so many people in life who have no drive, focus and ambition. They are happy staying in the same spot, and never moving forward. This isn't me. I want Jesus to be my passion and my obsession. I want to chase after Him and grow closer to Him more than anything-more than friends, more than a career, more than a family, fame or fortune. All these things are great, but they don't last. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and run towards Him with a drive and force that is stronger than any other feeling you can ever imagine. JESUS IS MY PASSION AND MY OBSESSION!! Is He yours?

Compassion at it's finest!!

You know, it's kinda interesting how close you can get to your friends. I love all of my InnerG and Chicopee friends a lot and when one of you are hurting, I hurt too. I know that sounds like a silly little cliche, but it is true. Last night, after talking to Anthony on the phone and letting him know that I love him and that I would be here if he needed me, I just laid in my bed and cried for an hour. I cried for Anthony.. for his loss.. for his sadness... I prayed to God that his dad was saved and that he is spending eternity with Him. I prayed for comfort for the family and friends of Mr. Massaro. I never met the man, but somehow for that brief hour, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. Then, today at school, this lady had a seizure and was swept away on a stretcher. Once again, I found tears filling my eyes and being overcome with a wave of emotions... sadness, confusion, anger that I haven't talked to her or gotten to know her.. I know it may sound crazy, but I have been praying that God would give me more compassion for others and I guess that it is happening, slowly but surely. From little things, like friends breaking up or failing a test, to death and illness. I am learning more and more and have been learning in the past five and a half years that life is short and you never know what can happen. I just thank God that Anthony got to see his dad last month and I hope and pray that I get to talk to the lady at Gainesville College and get to know her better. This is what Jesus did.. He carried our pain, sadness, disappointments and every other emotion on His shoulders and cared more about others than Himself. I call it rockin and Webster's calls is Compassion. Just a thought

What a Bum!!!

This week has definitely been one of sadness, depression and disappointment. I mean, not only did my brother leave to go to Iraq on Monday, but I am still looking for a job. I didn't think it would be such a hard task. Tori, girl, I know how you feel. I have had a few interviews and filled out dozens of applications, but so far, nothing has worked out for me. You know, I know that God is trying to teach me something through all this, I just really wished I knew what it was. I mean, I have no money. My dad has been putting gas in my car and I have car insurance and a credit card bill due within the next three weeks. Believe me, I know that God will provide, he always does. I just need a job desperately. I mean, taking one class and coming home to twiddle my thumbs is getting old fast. I have watched an entire box set of Felicity, Season One and the First Season of Golden Girls in the past two weeks.. talk about not having a life. Anyways, didn't mean to vent or complain, that is just where I am right now. I know that this isn't permanent and that I will find a job soon, I just hate waiting..Hey, maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Anyways, the jobless bum will go for now and run my mouth in the student center, since I have nothing else to do with my life right now!!!

My brother, my hero!!!

Well, when I got home from church last night, my dad told me that my brother Jeremy had called and said that he was leaving in an hour to board a plane to go to Iraq to fight for our country. A pang of panic shot through me. I mean, I knew he was going, but I don't think that I was prepared for him to leave yet. He has been married for a little over a year and I hardly get to see him, so this really stinks. I mean, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life. Ever since he was little, he has known what he wanted to do. He has had a passion and a desire to be in the Army since he was about eight. So here is the thing, I mean of course I am worried about him dying in the line of duty, but I can't dwell on that. My thing is that I didn't get to talk to him last night and tell him good-bye. He got to talk to my dad and my little brother, but I wasn't home. I can't stand the fact that something could happen to him and he wouldn't know or get to hear me say I love him and am proud of him. I know that I can't sit around and dwell on it, or it will drive me crazy, but it kept me awake half of the night.

It's kinda like the whole thing with my mom. I mean, I got to tell her that I loved her and good-bye, but it was while she was in ICU on a ventilator. I mean, I don't even know if she heard me. For my sanity, I believe that she did, but I can't be certain. I just don't want the same thing to happen with my brother Jeremy. Everyone please pray for him. It will be a few weeks before we can talk to him or anything. Also, pray for my sister-in-law and my dad, who are taking it the hardest. I am so proud of my brother and have always considered him one of my heroes in life. I am filled with honor and appreciation that he would risk his life for our country.. I only wish I had that kind of boldness and courage. Just keep him in your prayers and I will let you know when I hear from him.


On Another note, American Idol starts tonight.. YAY!! I will be in the front row, eyes glued to the TV for two hours straight.. pathetic, I know, but that's just the way it is!!

Work!!

Hey!! Well, my first day of work was pretty bad. The people were rude, the kids were little heathens and I learned that "being nice" just doesn't work all the time. I mean, the lady that is in charge of the afterschool program is rude and didn't explain anything to me, she left it up to the lady I am working with. Two girls in afterschool, one whose grandma is the owner and the other whose mom is the secretary ran into lockers, flipped off chairs and did headstands in the middle of the classroom. They didn't listen at all when I told them to stop and they think that just because their relatives work there that they don't have to do anything... it makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it was only the first day, but first impressions are very important and their's wasn't good. One kid called the teacher a butthole because she wouldn't let him do something that he wanted to do.

I spent last night in bed, thinking praying and crying. I mean, I wanna give it a try, but I don't want to be miserable. Chestnut Mountain Academy called yesterday. Maybe I will call them back and see if they will give me more hours and treat me better. I shouldn't have to put up with rude people, on my first day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? HELP!!!

Answered Prayer

I have great news today.. I am no longer a jobless bum... I got a job yesterday, within four hours of filling out the application. I am going to start tomorrow... at a daycare center in Auburn, about 15 minutes from my house. I will be working at the afterschool program Monday thru Friday from 2:45-6:30. I am really excited because I will be working with kids, which are my passion and my love. It will also look good on my resume and for my future career as a teacher. God has really been providing for me lately and just blessing my socks off. He has been showing me that He is in charge and that He will take care of me, no matter what.

Statistics class is going pretty good too. It is definitely easier the second time around, I might add. I am still growing in the Lord and He is revealing Himself to me every day. I am reading the Five Love Languages of God and how to relate to others and use your gifts that God gave you to your advantage. It is really quite interesting and I will be talking about it from time to time. Well, it is 8:00 in the morning, I am working on my second cup of caffeine and just playing on the computer. Just wanted to let you guys and girls know how awesome God is and how much He ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!

laziness

All I know is I need to hurry up and find a job, because I am going crazy. I mean, sitting at home, being lazy and watching DVD's all day was cool for a day or so, but now it is getting old. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to be moving around and doing something all the time. I would work to give me something to do, even if I didn't need the money, which I do. I know that the right job is out there for me, it is just finding it, ya know? Anyways, that is where I am off to now, to hand out resumes and fill out applications. I will let you know if I get a job or not.

Growing

I look back over 2004 and realize how much I have grown, accomplished some huge goals and become more independent. Heather and I were talking about this the other night. I got my driver's license, which to some of you may not seem like a big deal, but it was something that I needed and had to do, I have learned a lot of things about myself, like how to be happy single, to rely more on God, instead of myself and others, and how sometimes you care about people so much that you have to let them go. I could probably write a book on everything that God has shown me in the past year. It was definitely the most incredible year of my life. I only hope and pray that 2005 will be as killer as 2004 was.

The job hunt has begun. As Tori can attest to, it is a grueling, drawn out process... get application, fill out application, wait on them to call, you call them, wait some more, have the interview only to hear them tell you that A) they already hired someone else B) you aren't qualified, or are over qualified for the position or C) we aren't hiring anymore. However, God is my Jehovah Jireh, as He has been showing me lately and He will allow me to find a job that suits my needs and helps me live for Him. So, God can keep rocking my face off. I am going home now to get more applications and take a nap. See you guys tomorrow night at Ashlie's send off party.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Hey Guys!!
It's good to be back on the blog. Unfortunately, I made a D in Statistics and have to be at GC for another semester to retake it. Although, there must be a reason for it. God is my Jehovah Jirah.. my provider and he has totally been rocking my face off lately. My class was going to cost $238 and I have about $250 in my checking account. Well, I went to register yesterday and my tuition was only $38, because of a previous scholarship that had been granted for two semesters, instead of one. Then, my last paycheck at GC was supposed to be for one week, but it was for two, so I ended up with more money in my account, than I started with. God rocks. I had been praying that God would provide and he did. Now, I have money for my car insurance. I can't do work study, so I am in search of a job, but I know that God will provide that too. I am not worried. I am putting my complete faith and trust in Him. I will go for now... eat lunch and work out. Talk to you soon.