Answered Prayers

God is totally rockin.. just wanted to let you guys know!! I heard back from my job today and I got it. I start next Tuesday. I am so excited. I know that a lot of prayer went into this job offer and I certainly got a lot of encouragement from it. I found out that he called some of my references and that he was very impressed... that makes me feel good. I didn't do as good on my Stats test as I had hoped, but a 77 isn't too shabby for me... especially in Math. At first I was upset, but then I realized that I did my best and that was all I could do. I finally got to talk to my brother, who is in Kuwait right now. They will be shipping out to go to Iraq in the next few days. Please keep him in your prayers. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. I mean, everyone else in my family had gotten to talk to him, except for me. My family is going to send him a care package when he gets to Iraq, so if anyone wants to send him anything, just let me know. He said that there were no animals or trees..,. it is dry, desolate and quiet. He has a cold and had to pay $9 for a 12 pack of Advil, and we think we have it bad. I will never again complain about the price of anything. He is going to be driving one of the tanks from Kuwait to Iraq, which scares me and my dad to death. But, he said that there are lots of weapons on that tank, so he will be safe. I don't know. It is completely in God's hands. Anyways, out of all this rambling, I just wanted you to know that God rocks, He provides and He always takes care of His children. Just remember that!!

Submission

Submission is a very touchy subject to most people, including myself. Most people have a hard time submitting themselves to others, whether it be authority figures, such as cops, gov't officials, teachers, bosses, etc, or to your husband or wife or anyone else for that matter. But most importantly, we have a hard time submitting ourselves to God and letting him take control. I always thought of submission as doing whatever someone tells you to do, and being at their beck and call, but I found out that it means to be subject to... to honor and respect and be willing to do whatever it takes for that person, no matter what. If someone wants you to do something that goes against the Bible or your beliefs, then obviously you don't have to submit to them.

The speaker last night said that he felt that the reason that most women struggle with submission and view it as something bad is because males haven't been taking their leadership roles seriously and have abused the submission thing to scare women and get them to do what they want. This is completely wrong. For example, my stepbrother, who just turned 19 and my sister-in-law, who is 16, have been married for about four months. Every night before they go to sleep, he makes her put her hand on the Bible and promise that she will never cheat on him or leave him... EVER. Imagine having to do this everyday. I believe that this is an example of misusing submission.

Submission, along with everything else, is all about the heart and having the right motives. Submission doesn't neccessarily mean obedience. You can have respect and honor for someone and not agree with everything they say, or do everything they want you to do. I know I am probably rambling on and not making much sense, but it made sense last night. I would love to know you guys opinion on submission, just because I am curious to know from guys and girls perspectives. You can read 1 Peter for yourself and let me know what you think.

Ultimate Satisfaction!!

"He can't be fully glorified in us, until we are fully satisfied in Him"-This is a quote from a lesson that Heather taught back in July. It has been engrained in my heart, soul and mind ever since. I used to think that being satisfied and content meant that you had a significant other, a good job, a stable family and a focus and goal for your life, now I realize that while all of these things are important, they aren't most important. Being satisfied means, according to Webster,"to be convinced beyond a doubt" or to "gratify the need, desire or expectation of something." So, in other words, true satisfaction comes from the inside out, instead of the outside in. JESUS CHRIST IS MY ULTIMATE SATISFACTION!!

As I have been growing a lot spiritually and emotionally in the past few months, it is amazing how God has been working in my life and the things He has been showing me about myself and how to grow closer to Him. For example, I was having a really hard time getting over the breakup with Juan, whom I dated for a year. I had been praying and praying, but everytime I saw him, the feelings I had for him would come back. Finally, Jesus brought this quote to my attention and it has been so much easier living life single. I can honestly say that I am happy being single and that Jesus is the one true love of my life. I am spending each day now falling more and more in love with Him. I am finding my true satisfaction in Him, instead of in a relationship. This is just one example of this lesson being learned in my life. So, where do you find your true satisfaction and contentment? In Jesus Christ or in people, materialistic things, or situations? Just something to think about!!

La La La!!

You know, it's funny how God takes something that we see as an inconvienence and uses it to draw us closer to him. Ever since I started driving, I have been without a radio in my car. Now, to some of you, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I love music, I love to sing (even though it doesn't sound very good) and I love to roll down the windows and crank up the music.. especially Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. So, I complained a lot at first about not having a radio to listen to or being able to pop in a CD at the drop of a hat. Well, God took my complaints and turned them to blessings. My drives in the car are now used to sing praise songs to my Savior and to talk to Him, my best friend about whatever is on my mind. I am sure that other drivers think I have gone insane and am talking to myself, but it rocks!! It's amazing how God uses something as small as a radio not working to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, I just sit in the car and cry, pray, sing, hum, shout, whatever.. it doesn't matter. Not knocking devotional books at all, but for me personally, my time alone in the car with God has brought me closer to him than reading a devotional book, or verse of the day. The song that God has been putting in my heart, soul and mind lately is one that I have known since youth camp in ninth grade. It describes perfectly where I am in life now and how much I love God and want to grow closer to him.

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after you.
To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in your truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord,
So, lead me on, and I will run after you.
Lead me on, and I will run after you.

There are so many people in life who have no drive, focus and ambition. They are happy staying in the same spot, and never moving forward. This isn't me. I want Jesus to be my passion and my obsession. I want to chase after Him and grow closer to Him more than anything-more than friends, more than a career, more than a family, fame or fortune. All these things are great, but they don't last. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and run towards Him with a drive and force that is stronger than any other feeling you can ever imagine. JESUS IS MY PASSION AND MY OBSESSION!! Is He yours?

Compassion at it's finest!!

You know, it's kinda interesting how close you can get to your friends. I love all of my InnerG and Chicopee friends a lot and when one of you are hurting, I hurt too. I know that sounds like a silly little cliche, but it is true. Last night, after talking to Anthony on the phone and letting him know that I love him and that I would be here if he needed me, I just laid in my bed and cried for an hour. I cried for Anthony.. for his loss.. for his sadness... I prayed to God that his dad was saved and that he is spending eternity with Him. I prayed for comfort for the family and friends of Mr. Massaro. I never met the man, but somehow for that brief hour, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. Then, today at school, this lady had a seizure and was swept away on a stretcher. Once again, I found tears filling my eyes and being overcome with a wave of emotions... sadness, confusion, anger that I haven't talked to her or gotten to know her.. I know it may sound crazy, but I have been praying that God would give me more compassion for others and I guess that it is happening, slowly but surely. From little things, like friends breaking up or failing a test, to death and illness. I am learning more and more and have been learning in the past five and a half years that life is short and you never know what can happen. I just thank God that Anthony got to see his dad last month and I hope and pray that I get to talk to the lady at Gainesville College and get to know her better. This is what Jesus did.. He carried our pain, sadness, disappointments and every other emotion on His shoulders and cared more about others than Himself. I call it rockin and Webster's calls is Compassion. Just a thought

What a Bum!!!

This week has definitely been one of sadness, depression and disappointment. I mean, not only did my brother leave to go to Iraq on Monday, but I am still looking for a job. I didn't think it would be such a hard task. Tori, girl, I know how you feel. I have had a few interviews and filled out dozens of applications, but so far, nothing has worked out for me. You know, I know that God is trying to teach me something through all this, I just really wished I knew what it was. I mean, I have no money. My dad has been putting gas in my car and I have car insurance and a credit card bill due within the next three weeks. Believe me, I know that God will provide, he always does. I just need a job desperately. I mean, taking one class and coming home to twiddle my thumbs is getting old fast. I have watched an entire box set of Felicity, Season One and the First Season of Golden Girls in the past two weeks.. talk about not having a life. Anyways, didn't mean to vent or complain, that is just where I am right now. I know that this isn't permanent and that I will find a job soon, I just hate waiting..Hey, maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Anyways, the jobless bum will go for now and run my mouth in the student center, since I have nothing else to do with my life right now!!!

My brother, my hero!!!

Well, when I got home from church last night, my dad told me that my brother Jeremy had called and said that he was leaving in an hour to board a plane to go to Iraq to fight for our country. A pang of panic shot through me. I mean, I knew he was going, but I don't think that I was prepared for him to leave yet. He has been married for a little over a year and I hardly get to see him, so this really stinks. I mean, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life. Ever since he was little, he has known what he wanted to do. He has had a passion and a desire to be in the Army since he was about eight. So here is the thing, I mean of course I am worried about him dying in the line of duty, but I can't dwell on that. My thing is that I didn't get to talk to him last night and tell him good-bye. He got to talk to my dad and my little brother, but I wasn't home. I can't stand the fact that something could happen to him and he wouldn't know or get to hear me say I love him and am proud of him. I know that I can't sit around and dwell on it, or it will drive me crazy, but it kept me awake half of the night.

It's kinda like the whole thing with my mom. I mean, I got to tell her that I loved her and good-bye, but it was while she was in ICU on a ventilator. I mean, I don't even know if she heard me. For my sanity, I believe that she did, but I can't be certain. I just don't want the same thing to happen with my brother Jeremy. Everyone please pray for him. It will be a few weeks before we can talk to him or anything. Also, pray for my sister-in-law and my dad, who are taking it the hardest. I am so proud of my brother and have always considered him one of my heroes in life. I am filled with honor and appreciation that he would risk his life for our country.. I only wish I had that kind of boldness and courage. Just keep him in your prayers and I will let you know when I hear from him.


On Another note, American Idol starts tonight.. YAY!! I will be in the front row, eyes glued to the TV for two hours straight.. pathetic, I know, but that's just the way it is!!

Work!!

Hey!! Well, my first day of work was pretty bad. The people were rude, the kids were little heathens and I learned that "being nice" just doesn't work all the time. I mean, the lady that is in charge of the afterschool program is rude and didn't explain anything to me, she left it up to the lady I am working with. Two girls in afterschool, one whose grandma is the owner and the other whose mom is the secretary ran into lockers, flipped off chairs and did headstands in the middle of the classroom. They didn't listen at all when I told them to stop and they think that just because their relatives work there that they don't have to do anything... it makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it was only the first day, but first impressions are very important and their's wasn't good. One kid called the teacher a butthole because she wouldn't let him do something that he wanted to do.

I spent last night in bed, thinking praying and crying. I mean, I wanna give it a try, but I don't want to be miserable. Chestnut Mountain Academy called yesterday. Maybe I will call them back and see if they will give me more hours and treat me better. I shouldn't have to put up with rude people, on my first day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? HELP!!!

Answered Prayer

I have great news today.. I am no longer a jobless bum... I got a job yesterday, within four hours of filling out the application. I am going to start tomorrow... at a daycare center in Auburn, about 15 minutes from my house. I will be working at the afterschool program Monday thru Friday from 2:45-6:30. I am really excited because I will be working with kids, which are my passion and my love. It will also look good on my resume and for my future career as a teacher. God has really been providing for me lately and just blessing my socks off. He has been showing me that He is in charge and that He will take care of me, no matter what.

Statistics class is going pretty good too. It is definitely easier the second time around, I might add. I am still growing in the Lord and He is revealing Himself to me every day. I am reading the Five Love Languages of God and how to relate to others and use your gifts that God gave you to your advantage. It is really quite interesting and I will be talking about it from time to time. Well, it is 8:00 in the morning, I am working on my second cup of caffeine and just playing on the computer. Just wanted to let you guys and girls know how awesome God is and how much He ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!

laziness

All I know is I need to hurry up and find a job, because I am going crazy. I mean, sitting at home, being lazy and watching DVD's all day was cool for a day or so, but now it is getting old. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to be moving around and doing something all the time. I would work to give me something to do, even if I didn't need the money, which I do. I know that the right job is out there for me, it is just finding it, ya know? Anyways, that is where I am off to now, to hand out resumes and fill out applications. I will let you know if I get a job or not.

Growing

I look back over 2004 and realize how much I have grown, accomplished some huge goals and become more independent. Heather and I were talking about this the other night. I got my driver's license, which to some of you may not seem like a big deal, but it was something that I needed and had to do, I have learned a lot of things about myself, like how to be happy single, to rely more on God, instead of myself and others, and how sometimes you care about people so much that you have to let them go. I could probably write a book on everything that God has shown me in the past year. It was definitely the most incredible year of my life. I only hope and pray that 2005 will be as killer as 2004 was.

The job hunt has begun. As Tori can attest to, it is a grueling, drawn out process... get application, fill out application, wait on them to call, you call them, wait some more, have the interview only to hear them tell you that A) they already hired someone else B) you aren't qualified, or are over qualified for the position or C) we aren't hiring anymore. However, God is my Jehovah Jireh, as He has been showing me lately and He will allow me to find a job that suits my needs and helps me live for Him. So, God can keep rocking my face off. I am going home now to get more applications and take a nap. See you guys tomorrow night at Ashlie's send off party.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Hey Guys!!
It's good to be back on the blog. Unfortunately, I made a D in Statistics and have to be at GC for another semester to retake it. Although, there must be a reason for it. God is my Jehovah Jirah.. my provider and he has totally been rocking my face off lately. My class was going to cost $238 and I have about $250 in my checking account. Well, I went to register yesterday and my tuition was only $38, because of a previous scholarship that had been granted for two semesters, instead of one. Then, my last paycheck at GC was supposed to be for one week, but it was for two, so I ended up with more money in my account, than I started with. God rocks. I had been praying that God would provide and he did. Now, I have money for my car insurance. I can't do work study, so I am in search of a job, but I know that God will provide that too. I am not worried. I am putting my complete faith and trust in Him. I will go for now... eat lunch and work out. Talk to you soon.