Weekend full of fun!!

My weekend was full of fun and busyness.. as usual. Friday was spent reminiscing over memories of my childhood. My friend Lauren and I looked through my baby pics and went through my moms hope chest, that was given to me when she died. We found my dad's old 8 tracks, napkins from my parents wedding 25 years ago, bday cards from my first bday, my mom's gradation gown and my dads diploma, my dresses and shoes from 22 years ago, scrapbooks, pics and more. Having lost my mom almost six years ago to cancer, I am so grateful for the fact that, like me, she kept things that may not mean anything to other people, but to us, they are priceless. I guess that is where I get my " organized pack rat" mode from. I have cards from elementary school, letters from Middle school, etc. Some people think I am crazy, but I want my kids to have things to remember me by, just like I have to remember my mom.

Then, on Saturday, I went shopping for my dad and stepmom's bday presents. They were born on the same day, two years apart, so they have a joint bday party every year. It was so much fun. We grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, with all the trimmings... baked beans, cole slaw, chips and dip.. and of course, double chocolate fudge cake. After the party, my friends and I went to Ben's houseboat on Lake Lanier to watch a movie. We had been the night before, where he cooked us jerk chicken and tallapia fish. It was amazing. However, being afraid of heights and getting motion sickness aren't a good combo. My head was spinning and my stomach was churning. Dramamine has become my new best friend. I will have to take it whenever I visit Ben. Then, yesterday was church. Then, Brooke and I went to visit our friend David, who just had knee surgery to fix his torn ACL. Last night, we went to service at Hebron, where the middle school choir had their concert.. it was really good. Then, we went to Beth's house and watched Mary Poppins.. another long, busy, fun weekend.

Now it is Monday and the weeks of finals. I made a 66 on my Stats test.. boo!! I have to study my butt off this week.. no social life for Amber... go straight to Inner G and straight home.. study, study, study... I NEED A C!!! PLEASE GOD, JUST A C!!!!

Accountability Partners

I am about to try to convince everyone who reads this blog to have an accountability partner of the same gender. I actually have 2, but I will tell you about one now. Lauren Hannah Dooley is the coolest girl ever. I have only known her for a few months, but we became instant friends. When I started dating Robert, she told me that it would be good to have an accountability partner to help me stay on track.. spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. So, I talk to her at least every other day and she asks me questions about my walk with God, my quiet times, my scripture memorization that Anne and I are doing together and my relationship with Robert and my friends. I trust her so much, which is good. If I screw up one day, I can call her and tell her. She emails me or calls me with encouraging scriptures and passages, she prays with me and for me. I feel like I can tell her anything. Since we became accountability partners, I can see how much I have grown in my spiritual and fleshy walks. So, I would encourage everyone to find an accountability partner.. it is an awesome experience that I would suggest to anyone.

Update

Hey Guys and girls,
I have an update for you regarding my friends whom I asked for advice about.. the guy who had issues with picking up a girl and paying for her meals and a girl who is old fashioned and wouldn't budge. Well, unfortunately, the girl was incredibly turned off by the guys lack of chivalry and the guy was turned off by the girls lack of sensitivity, so they decided to just be friends. Weird, huh? The guy still wants to hang out with the girl, but he doesn't want to pay and doesn't want it to be a date. Does that sound like wanting your cake and eating it too? I don't know why people make relationships so complicated. I agree with Jen about the whole compromise thing. If both people in the relationship aren't willing to give a little and be flexible, then the relationship won't work. I think that is what happened in this case. Anyways, just wanted to give you an update.

I turned in my application at the BOE the other day, so now I am just waiting and praying for the full-time parapro job. I hung out a lot at Beth's house this weekend (the house I plan to move into if I get the above job in August). I can't wait. I just feel like it is time for me to move out and live life in the " World of the Big Girls." Whatever happens will happen for a reason. I am placing it all in God's hands. Gotta go to work now.. I am working an extra day to make more money.. another blessing in my life. Peace out!!

I love Poker

Well guys and gals.. I never thought I would say this, but I LOVE POKER!! I didn't even know how to play until Saturday night. And I kicked everyone's tails. We played five card draw, five-card stud, Texas Hold 'em and Omaha, Blackjack and some other games I don't remember. We played for pennies. Three hours later, as it was approaching 1 a.m., Dr. Love won it all. It's amazing how fast I picked the game up. Usually it takes me a while to figure games out, but not this one. Now, I don't think I am good enough to play with the pro's like, Heather Anne, Chris Brown, or Tank, but I was pretty proud of myself. Next time I play, I want to do what Heather does and play for something more worthwhile, like candy (preferably chocolate).

My social life and mad poker playing skills are weighing on my sleeping, however. My priorities seem to be a little off. I would rather hang out than sleep, well I wouldn't rather, but that's always what happens and it's beginning to take it's toll. I have decided to start working out again, quit Mountain Dew (which is going to be extremely hard ) and start drinking more H2O. I will feel better, have more energy, and perform better at school and work. My friends and social life are very important to me, but not at the cost of my health. So, if you see me and I have bags under my eyes and I look a little droopy, you will understand why. Just don't mention the words Mountain Dew in my presence and I will be ok. It's crazy that I am so addicted to the stuff.. it's like a drug or something.

Chivalry.. Is it dead?

I have a question for guys and girls, and I am sure that I will get a different answer from each gender... Do you think the guy should pick up the girl when taking her on a date, even if she lives far away from the guy? My friend is struggling with this very issue. She has been on two dates with this guy. He lives in Lilburn and she lives in Auburn. She feels that he has to pick her up for it to be a date. He wants her to meet his parents and have dinner with them, but he wants her to drive to his house, and she refuses. They have to find a compromise. She told him that he either picks her up, they hang out after church on Sundays, since they attend the same church, or they don't date at all. I was just wondering what you guys and girls thought about it. I personally think that the guy should pick up the girl. I am very old-fashioned and believe it is a sign of respect and it makes the girl feel special knowing that the guy cares enough to pick her up. I also think that after they have been dating for awhile and all that, it is cool if the girl wants to drive to meet the guy, or they can meet halfway. These people are really close to me and they have both asked me for advice and I don't know what to tell them.. Dr. Love is at a loss!! Amazing, isn't it? Your comments on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I'm Back!!!!

God's really been teaching me about perspective lately and about how He can use a "bad" situation for good. For example, my friend Clint, whom I went to highschool with and just met back up with a few months ago, had an accident at work on Monday. A 1500 pound tool box from a truck fell on him. Guess what? All he got was a broken hand and a few scratches. He is truly blessed. He is having surgery today and getting pins put in his hand. Please say a prayer for him. The situation could have been a lot worse. It could have hit his head, given him brain damage, or even worse, killed him. God used his accident to help me realize that things can be worse than they are. I have been doing a lot of "wallowing" lately. In self-pity, in sadness, in depression.. whatever you want to call it and I am sick of it. I am ready to get back to my normal self and have a positive outlook on life again. I am tired of being unhappy, confused and stressed. I want my life back. I am truly blessed and I need to start looking at life in that way again. I want God to bring back my desire to study His word and memorize Bible verses.. because lately, I haven't had a desire to do any of that. It is affecting my life and those around me as well. So, although I had a momentary lapse of something, I am back and ready to tackle whatever life throws my way. It feels great to be back!!!!

what in the world?

This has been a week of stress and confusion for me. I am trying to save up money to move in with Beth in August and go to North Georgia. I am very thrifty and only spend money on neccessities, like gas, insurance, cc bill, etc. But, no matter how hard I try, something messes up my plan. My car just got out of the shop.. busted head gasket... $450 worth of repair. Now, I will be paying my cc bill off until I am 50. I know that everything happens for a reason and that I will learn something from this, I just wish I knew who it was that God was trying to teach me and I wish he would hurry it up!!! Anyways, I guess things could be worse, right? There is always someone who is worse off than you.. that' s what my mom used to tell me. She also said, "That which doesn't kill you will make you stronger." I must be as tough as nails, then. So, my weekend is chock full of fun and adventure. Dr. Love is the most social girl on the planet. Have a wonderful weekend and I will be back on Monday. Peace out!!!

what is going on?

so, this has been a week of confusion and stress. I have been trying to save up money to move in with Beth and go to North Georgia. I mean, besides, gas, insurance and cc bill, I don't spend any money. I am very thrifty and am very good with money. So, you can understand why I was so upset yesterday when Bonita Blanca, my precious car, went into the shop to get a new head gasket.. total cost... $450. Now, that may not seem like a lot of money to you, but when I only work 17hrs/week and only make about $100, that is a lot of money. I got so angry yesterday, but then I realized that everything happens for a reason and I am going to learn something from this. I realized that I am blessed to have amazing family and friends to help me out when I need it and that things could be worse. So, while I may be paying my cc bill off until I am 50, I am learning to look at things differently and make the most of every situation.

What is going on?

So, this has been the week of craziness and stress for me. I am trying so hard to save up my money so that I can move in with Beth in August and go to North Georgia, right? I mean, I only spend money on gas, insurance and credit car bills and the rest goes straight into savings. I go out to eat and sit, unless Robert buys my dinner (which usually happens), I am very thrifty and good with my money. But, as always, I am thrown a curve ball... My precious Bonita Blanca, my car is in the shop getting a new head gasket put on and the price.. $450. I know that may not sound like a lot of money to some of you, but considering that I only work 17hrs/week and bring home only around $100, that is a lot of money. I remember getting so angry yesterday and bursting into tears. I don't understand why this has to happen to me. Then, I realized that everything happens for a reason and I am going to learn something form this. Today, I am being chauffered from school and work, like I was before I got my license. I realized that I am blessed to have amazing friends and family who are willing to help me out when I need it. And I realized that things could be a whole lot worse. So, while I may be paying my cc bill off until I am 50, I am alive and well, a living and breathing child of God. And for that, I am truly blessed!!!

Random

Mistakes.. they are meant to be learned from, right? Well, why is it that I keep making the same type of mistakes over and over again? I really need you guys to pray for me. I am struggling right now with a particular sin in my life. It has had a hold on me since I was 16 years old. I always have the best of intentions. I even go a few months without making this mistake, but somehow it always ends up happening again. I don't understand. I know it is because I need to be in the Word more and rely on God more. This "Sin" is affecting many different parts of my life... my relationships with friends, my quiet times and my relationship with God in general. It really stinks. I want to be able to deal with it and not have to worry about it anymore. I don't understand why it is so hard for me. I don't want to be like this and have this hanging over my head. Please pray for me. I need strength and patience and most importantly, self-control. Sorry that this was random, but I definitely need ya'll to keep me in your prayers. I don't ask often and certainly wouldn't post it on my blog if it wasn't important.

On another note, I had a great Easter. I spent it with Robert and his mom. She is such a sweetheart and I love her dearly. Then, Robert and I spent a rainy afternoon watching "Golden Girls."My parents bought me butterfly sheets and chocolate for Easter.. Cadbury cream eggs.. yum yum!!! I also went on a double date with my best friend and the guy she is dating on Friday night. Then, on Saturday, we went shoe shopping and out to eat. Anyways, I will go now and take a nap. I am so tired.. I had a busy weekend. Peace out!!

Drama, Drama, Drama

I think it is funny how we are supposed to be "adults," but so many times we still act like we are in high school. I am the victim of gossip right now. Well, maybe not gossip, but talking behind the back kind of stuff. I mean, I thought that adults were supposed to talk to each other about their problems, not call ten other people about their problems with other people. I mean, I am guilty of it too. As a matter of fact, we all are. I just wish that we would realize that the solution to the problem lies with the person that you have the problem with. Anyways, I am kinda bummed out about this, have had a headache nonstop for two days, and just made a 69 on my stats test. It's turning out to be a crappy day.
But, as Johnny always says, situations can make you bitter or better, it's all about your attitude. So, I have decided to use it to make me better. I have a very fun weekend planned and I am looking forward to it. Tonight, Robert and I are going on a double-date with Anne and Daniel. I have always wanted to go on a double-date with my best friend and now it is finally happening. We are going to RoadHouse and then back to Anne's house to watch a movie. Tomorrow, I am going shoe shopping with Robert (he really needs a new pair of shoes) and then to Dave and Buster's with Kelly and Tori.. we haven't had a girls day in forever. It will be good to catch up and hang out with them. Then, on Easter, Robert and I are going to get up early and go to Union Point, go to church with his mom and have lunch with her. He doesn't get to see her a lot, but they are very close. I love that woman. I loved her the first five minutes I met her. I talked to her last night, she encouraged me, gave me Bible verses and prayed with me on the phone.. She is truly a Godsend.
So, I am going to make the best of my weekend, hanging out with friends and family, and pray alot. I thank God for Easter and for dying on the cross and for rising on the third day, so that we could live and serve Him and spend eternity with Him one day. I will be thinking a lot about my mom this weekend and Easters as a child.. Easter egg hunts, baskets filled to the brim with candy and toys, chocolate bunnies, The Easter Bunny, dinner with family, etc. It truly is a great time of the year. So, to all of my fellow blogger friends out there.. Have the most blessed Easter ever, remember what it is all about, and thank God for the many blessings he gives us!!!

If you're Happy and you know it.....

Hey Guys!! I am very H-A-P-P-Y with life in general. I feel as if I have reached a point in my life where everything may not be going exactly like I want them to, but I am happy because I am a bigger and better person because of them. There are a lot of changes about to take place in my life, which is scary and exciting, all at the same time. I am applying for my first full-time job this week.. being a parapro in August, when school starts back. I am mailing my application back in today and my three references are soon to follow. If I get this full time job, I am moving out of my parents house and in with my friend Beth, into her grandmothers 100 year old house.. it is beautiful and rent will only be $150/month. Where else do you find rent that cheap? It will be good for me. I need to get out on my own and enter the "real world." As much as I love living at home and being able to spend time with my family, I am an adult and have to start acting like one. Robert and I are getting along nicely. He is an amazing guy. I am just happy. I have memorized like five new verses and am currently reading in the book of Habbakuk, which I barely knew existed, until last week. It is amazing. It speaks of the nations and God's blessings on them. So, guys and gals, you are looking at one happy camper. I love you all and will talk to you all soon. Gotta head to work. Peace out!!

goodbye spring break.. hello stats

I just spent the entire week of my Spring Break hanging out with Robert, friends and family. I watched "The Pacifier," bought a new outfit, got a hair cut and color, sang karaoke, taught a friend how to line dance, played the worst two hours of Maffia ever, babysat, helped someone move, played chauffeur to my brother, picked up food and medicine for my parents who have the flu, given love advice to a dozen people, memorized two more verses and eaten more chocolate cadbury cream eggs in one week than I have in my entire life. My Spring Break was awesome, but, unfortunately, it is over and I have to step back into reality and enter back into the world of Statistics. I have a test on Wednesday and needless to say, I didn't crack a book over break, so I will be spending the next two nights cramming and memorizing formulas, but that's ok. My spring break was exhausting, exciting, fun and crazy, all rolled into one. It is great to have a break every once in a while.

prayers, please!!!

I have a prayer request, along with Heather. My sister in law told me that my brother was in the middle of an attack in Iraq and was almost hurt and/or killed. The good news is that he is back in Bakuda and the attacks were in Falusia. He got promoted. He is the top armorer in his entire division. Just keep him in your thoughts and prayers, please. Have a great day.

Times they are a changing

I really feel like I am at a stage in my life where many exciting things are happening and are going to happen in the near future. My memory verse for this past week was Exodus 33:19, which says," I will cause my goodness to pass in front of you and I will proclaim my name, The Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy and compassion on whom I will have compassion." God's been showing His goodness to me a lot lately. I feel as if change is about to take place. And I mean, major change, more than a new boyfriend and a new haircolor, both of which are awesome, though. I feel as if God is about to knock my socks off and bless me beyond measure. I am just going to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!!!

On a random note, I have started reading the second Birth order book and I must say that is pretty stinkin awesome. It explains a lot about the way I am and why I act the way I do. Thanks Freddie for letting me borrow it. Well, gotta get back to work and make the money to pay the bills.. wow, I feel really old when I say that. Peace out and holla at ya'll lata!!

Mother Dearest

So, I have been thinking about my mom a lot lately. It makes me so happy when I hear my friends talk about being close to their moms. Two of the girls at DNow told me all about how their mom was their best friend and they do everything together. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy for them that they can be that close to their mom and share everything with them. Sad in knowing that my mom and I were never very close, and now I don't have her here to change that.
Not to get all mushy, but I really miss her. I miss her spending eight hours one day in the summer teaching me how to make a bridge with cards. I miss her cooking, her laugh and her contagious smile. I remember her coming to every football game-home and away-for four years, to see the same half time show and hear the same music every week, because she was so proud of me. The last football game of my Junior year, she was there. She had already been diagnosed with Lymphoma and was taking chemo treatments. It was freezing cold. She sat in the car, because she was too weak to walk up the bleachers, but she was there. She was my chaueffer, my shoulder to lean on and my friend. Even though I was always a daddy's girl and my mom and I never had that "close knit"Mother-Daughter relationship, I know without a doubt that she loved me. The last thing she said to me, while lying in a hospital bed at Athens Regional Medical Center, in ICU, on life support was that she loved me and was proud of me.
Even though my mom and I never had heart to hearts, went on shopping sprees or out to lunch together, we had this unspoken bond. The most awesome memory I have of my mom is seeing her get saved a month before she passed away. And knowing that I was a part of it. It has been five and a half years, some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like an eternity. My last memory of her, before the hospital was giving her a hug and a kiss and telling her that I loved her, before I went to see the fireworks with my cousin and brother. I thank God every day that the last thing that my mom said to me was that she loved me. Some people don't get that, ya know? I miss her so much, and I know that if she were here right now that we would be the best of friends. But, I also know that God is in contro and that she is with Him, which is far greater than anything that can happen here on Earth.
I guess what I am trying to say with all this is that your parents are very important and they won't always be here. My mom was 37 when she died and left behind a 17 year old, a15 year old and an 8-year old. My little brother will never have as many memories of my mom as I did, and that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Didn't mean to get all mushy, I am just speaking from the heart. I love you mom and miss you more than words can describe!!!!

Disciple Now weekend!!

This past weekend was crazy, tiring, fun, touching and emotional all at the same time. I was a co-leader for Disciple Now at Hebron Baptist Church in Dacula. Beth and I had ten 8th grade girls. We stayed at a host home, taught the girls lessons, did mission projects, recreation and Two Bare Feet led worship and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs was the guest speaker. I was really scared at first about teaching teenagers, since I am used to teaching preschool and kindergarten, but God really taught me some amazing things before the weekend was over. The girls in our group were very mature spiritually and they were asking a lot of thought provoking questions that Beth and I could not answer. They wanted to be involved in the lessons, were very outspoken, and participated well. I was so impressed with them. For our mission project, we boxed up food for a food center in West Virginia, where the youth will be going on Spring Break. These people are very poor and don't have alot. The project taught us team work and how to help others. It was awesome. Around 20 kids got saved at the meetings, and more got saved in their groups. It was rockin. I only got about seven hours sleep the entire weekend, but it was so worth it. I will definitely help out with it again next year.

Disciple Now weekend!!

This past weekend was crazy, tiring, fun, touching and emotional all at the same time. I was a co-leader for Disciple Now at Hebron Baptist Church in Dacula. Beth and I had ten 8th grade girls. We stayed at a host home, taught the girls lessons, did mission projects, recreation and Two Bare Feet led worship and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs was the guest speaker. I was really scared at first about teaching teenagers, since I am used to teaching preschool and kindergarten, but God really taught me some amazing things before the weekend was over. The girls in our group were very mature spiritually and they were asking a lot of thought provoking questions that Beth and I could not answer. They wanted to be involved in the lessons, were very outspoken, and participated well. I was so impressed with them. For our mission project, we boxed up food for a food center in West Virginia, where the youth will be going on Spring Break. These people are very poor and don't have alot. The project taught us team work and how to help others. It was awesome. Around 20 kids got saved at the meetings, and more got saved in their groups. It was rockin. I only got about seven hours sleep the entire weekend, but it was so worth it. I will definitely help out with it again next year.

Call me Dr. Love

Dr. Love is my new nickname for my Hebronite friends in Dacula. The second everyone found out that Robert and I had started dating, everyone (6 people in 3 days), started calling me, telling me about their crushes and asking for my advice. As if dating someone for three days makes me a love expert. I listened to their gushing romanticisms and rantings and then I told them that if they like someone they should tell them. We are all adults here, it shouldn't be that hard, right? Then, I looked back on my life, at how many times I have wanted to tell someone how I feel, whether it was a guy I liked, someone who hurt my feelings, or someone I didn't neccessarily agree with and how I chickened out, got scared, tucked in my tail and ran. I realized that I am in no way, shape or form the person that needs to tell others how to handle this kind of situation. Although, I am very glad that my friends trust me enough to bare their souls to me and tell me their deepest desires and emotions. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, from now on, just call me Dr. Love.

Ok, complete random subject change.. I am good at that :>) So, this weekend I am going to be doing Disciple Now with Hebron Baptist Church. Beth and I are in charge of 12 8th grade girls. We sleep at a host home, teach the girls lessons, do community service projects and recreation. Two Bare Feet will be doing a concert and the chaplain for The Georgia Bulldoggs will be speaking. I am so excited. It will be very exhausting, but life-changing I am sure. I was a little nervous about doing this, but when I met the girls last night, I became super excited. They are so sweet and they just started talking to me right away. I am sure that we will have late nights and emotional days, but I KNOW that God's hand is on it and that He will touch the hearts and lives of those students, as well as the leaders. I am sure that I will learn more from the girls than they will from me. Just keep us in your prayers and I will keep you posted. Peace out!!!

Lesson Learned

God has been teaching me a lesson over this weekend. Actually, it's something my mom used to tell me as a kid, but of course I never listened. The lesson is that if you go your whole life not doing things because you are afraid of getting hurt, then you may miss out on a great opportunity. This happened to me this weekend. My friend Robert from Hebron told me that he liked me on Thursday night and asked me out. He is a great guy, we have a lot in common and have tons of fun together. I was kinda apprehensive about dating again period, because I am sick of getting hurt. I thought about it a lot and prayed about it and I decided that getting hurt is a part of life and a chance I have to take to get to know an awesome guy. So, I guess I am officially dating someone. It is scary and exciting, all at the same time. We are taking it very slow and are gonna do a lot of group dating, which is so fun. There is no pressure and it is a great feeling. He still has his life and I have mine, but together we have fun too. We know a little about each others past and I think that will make our relationship better. He is very sweet and considerate. I just wanted to share this with everyone and get you to pray for us. I haven't had the best track record with dating and guys and I have made a lot of mistakes in the past that I have learned from. I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.

BTW, total random subject change... my brother in Iraq just got promoted from an E-4 to an E-5. I don't really know what that means exactly, but I do know that is really good. I am so proud of him. Just keep him in your prayers also.

God is my provider

We all know that God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider, but how much do you ever think about it? At church last night, we were talking about how God provides for us always. It may not always be in the way or at the moment that we want it to, but He never leaves us hanging. God knows when and if we need the things that we want. His timing and our timing aren't always the same. If God gave us everything that we ever wanted, we would never give Him the glory. Think about it.. when we are most fufilled by the world with having everything we want, we are most distant from God. Then, when we want or need something again, we take God back out of the box we placed Him in and ask Him once again for whatever it is that we think we need and can't live without. Pretty true, huh? Why can't we just be so focused on Him and so in love with Him that we allow Him to decide what happens in our lives and when. God meant for things to be relatively simple, and we, as humans, have to make everything so darn difficult. Why is that? The more I get to know Him, the more I realize there is more to Him than I could ever fully understand or grasp. That's why I love Him so much.

So, the next time you ask God for something and He doesn't answer in your timing, don't think of it as an unanswered prayer, think of it as bad timing or something better is coming your way. That is where I am now and that is what He has been teaching me. Put Him first no matter what and then that way, no matter what happens in your life, you will know who is in control and who has the plans for your life... Him, not me, THANK GOD!!!

Stress!!

Man.. God must really be trying to deal with me at this point in my life. I have been struggling a lot lately with a lot of different issues in life. My job isn't what I thought it would be, I feel like I am not accomplishing anything that I want to accomplish, I have had to step back and examine my life and decide where I stand on certain issues and who I really trust. I am finding out who my true friends are and all that. I have been missing my mom a lot lately and it has just been really hard. I know that my God is bigger than anything I am going through, and that fact is what keeps me going and perservering to the end!! I feel as if my world has been turned upside down and I am losing control.. it is a scary feeling.

My awesome weekend

My weekend was rockin!! Considering that I was sick last weekend, it felt good to be able to have fun again. So, Friday night, I went to Inoko's with some girlfriends of mine from Dacula. Our poor waiter had burned his hand on the habachi grill and had blisters everywhere. We made friends with the people sitting next to us and the chef made us animals out of aluminum foil with our leftovers. I got a mermaid, Carrie got a frog, Marsha got a swan, Suko got an octopus and Beth got a purse. The little boy beside me got a Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle. It was awesome. On Saturday, about ten of my Dacula/Hebron friends were at my house. We ordered four large pizzas and coke. We listened to music, played Trivial Pursuit and Tabu. Then, Suko taught us a cool game called "Silent Football," which has nothing to do with football by the way and Brandy and I showed the gang how to play "Big Booty." I will have to teach it to the Inner G group.. it is really fun. They didn't leave til about 1 am. Then, on Sunday, I taught the preschoolers about Daniel and the Lions Den and we made Lions manes out of paper plates.. I wore mine into the church service and got a lot of funny looks.. oh well. I went home, ate Ravioli, watched some Felicity and chilled. Then my friend Robert came over, along with my brother and sister-in-law. They tried to teach me how to play poker... Texas Hold em and some other stuff.. I stink at Poker and betting chips.. anyways, I had a lot of fun trying. Also, great news.... I talked to my brother yesterday morning from Iraq. It made my day. He is fine.. just please continue to keep him in your prayers.

I am bringing two of my Hebron friends with me to Inner G tonight.. Robert and Clint (whom I went to HS with and graduated with). I am going to go to the mall and eat lunch with a friend and buy my man (Kenny Chesney's ) new CD... YAY!! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressful week!!

This week has been very tiring, stressful and crazy. I mean, I only have one class and a part-time job, but it seems like this week was very straining on me. I had a test this morning in Stats, which I probably could've studied a little harder for, but I think I did ok anyway. I am not complaining, but I get tired of doing the same thing for six hours at work everyday. Sitting in front of a computer, looking up email addresses, cutting and pasting them into a database.. although, I did get three states worth of churches done this week... Colorado, Iowa, and Kentucky. I have had a zillion things running through my mind this week. Been thinking about my brother in Iraq, Ashlie in Swaziland, issues I am dealing with concerning friends and stuff. I am the kind of person, unfortunately, who sits and thinks about things, analyzes them and dwells on them forever. It stinks, but that is one of my character flaws, I guess. I have a hard time getting over things and letting them go sometimes. And I always think that I can fix everyone else's problems, except for my own. Sorry guys, this is a rambling blog post today. That is the way my mind is ... random ramblings. Can any of you relate? I am sure that you can. Well, I'm gonna go now and see what else I can worry about and analyze over. Until next time.

Continued...

I wasn't really done with the post before I went to class. Anyways, Tammy and I were talking about how I am happy for her, excited about the preparations for the wedding, jealous that she is getting married and truthfully, sad that I am not even dating anyone. It is kinda bittersweet. I mean, we won't be able to have as many girls nights and go paint the town red, yellow and purple. But, most of all, I am very happy for her. I see how awesome she and Andrew are together and how much they love and care about each other. That makes the difference.

So, yeah, I guess I have just been in a mushy, sappy mood lately. I mean part of it goes with the territory.. I am a very high strung, emotional woman, ya know? Anyways, if this is happening to my best friend, then I can' t wait until I get my turn one day. YAY!!

I think I'm ready

After hanging with Tammy last night, gawking over her very beautiful engagement ring and pouring over Bridal Magazines at Starbucks for two hours, I have come to the realization that I am ok being single, but I am ready to start dating again, when the right guy comes alone. I was teasing Tammy about how she had to hook me up with her really nice looking cabana boy friend who I met on our trip to Florida (too bad he lives there, though). Then I was telling her that as her maid of honor, I must be escorted by and dance with the best man and how I hope he is nice and it would be cool if we hooked up (btw, I don't even know the best man and have never met him). I was saying all this to prove that I am ready to be in another relationship, if and when God is ready for it to happen. No rush, though!!

Anyways, I am super excited about being Tammy's maid of honor.. shopping for dresses, planning the bridal shower and bachellorette party, getting hair, nails and makeup done together.. it's gonna be a ton of fun. We were talking last night about how I am excited for her. Gotta go to class now. Talk to you later.

Happy Valentnes Day.. AKA Valloween

My friend Rodney came up with a word to say instead of Valentines Day and that is Valloween... Valentines Day and Halloween mixed together. This would be what the single people would call it, or at least me. Another one of my friends donned Valentines Day SAD day... Singles Awareness Day. Although, I have to say that everyday is a day for me to be aware that I am single, although I am perfectly fine with that. Like Leana Winn said last night. .. when you are single, you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself and what you are doing, you can use your money on other things besides dates and you can dress up for yourself, just because, and you don't have to have a reason. For all of you out there who are dating, engaged, married, whatever, props to you. I hope you get all the roses, chocolate and sweet cards that you deserve. But for all you single people out there, use this day as a reminder that the greatest love is the love that Jesus Christ has for us... HE is the lover of our souls and our best friend. Take some time today and read 1 Corinthians 13, which happens to be my favorite. Spend some time in prayer today and thank God for loving you. Also use today to do something special for someone you love... Melody and I are taking Hershey's kisses to schools in Hall County today to show them how much we appreciate them. Random Acts of Kindness.. that's what I like to call it. So, Happy Valentines Day, Valloween or S. A. D.... whatever you want to call it.

The First Day

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I emailed 6000 newsletters, which took about 3 hours and put about 200 people and their info into a data base, which took two more hours. I have to finish the emails today, only 5000 more to go. I got to eat lunch with Charles (my boss) and his family. He and his wife Laura have a three year old daughter, Faith and a 10 month old son named Wesley. They are so cute. Faith told me all about the Wiggles and wanted me to play with her. Laura and I talked about Journalism, since she has a degree in that too. She used to work for the Gwinnett Daily Post. It was quite fun. I have to be at work at 12 today. And Tammy is coming over tonight to show off her ring. That's what happening in my world right now. Just keep praying for me. ... I am still sick and have a major tooth ache. Besides that, God rocks. Gotta go to Stats now. Talk to you later!!!

Naptime!!

I never realized how much better taking a nap can make you feel. It's funny how, in kindergarten I hated taking naps, and now, I usually don't have time. Well, I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so Friday I came home from school and took a three hour nap, a two hour one on Saturday and one yesterday after church. I felt so much better after I woke up. Last night I went to bed running a 101 fever. I tossed and turned all night long. I have been taking sinus medicine, aspirin and Echinacea. Well, this morning, my fever was gone.. praise God. I am still sick, but I would rather have the sniffles and eat cough drops, than have a fever. Especially since I start my new job tomorrow, I have to feel good, ya know?


On a happier note, my best friend Tammy called me yesterday and said that her boyfriend Andrew proposed to her on a boat on the lake at Stone Mountain. We screamed and were all excited. I am going to be her maid of honor, which means I get to help her pick out her dress and all that fun stuff. Plus, I get an excuse to dress up and look drop dead gorgeous myself. I am so happy for her! Every little girl dreams of her wedding day and meeting Prince Charming, and now her dream gets to become a reality. We are getting together this week so I can see the rock and we can cry and scream some more.. you know how girls are!!! I think I am gonna head home and do laundry and take another nap before church tonight. Sweet dreams!! Don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

sniff..sniff...sniff

Sniff.. Sniff.. Sniff.. I feel horrible. I couldn't sleep last night. I was freezing, even though I had my electric blanket on high and my heater on high. I mean, I am always cold, but this is insane. I woke up with the sniffles, a back ache, and am still freezing. I never get sick, so this isn't cool. The last time I went to the doctor was eighth grade. Then, my brother missed the bus, so guess who had to take him to school? We spent 15 minutes getting ice off my winshield with the scraper, and I had to get gas. Amazingly, I made it to GC with 10 minutes to spare. Then, in Stats class, this lady in front of me accidentally spilled my entire cup of hot chocolate on the desk, the floor, my notebook, my book satchel and my jacket. As a matter of fact, I still smell hot chocolate now. So, needless to say, my morning hasn't been the best one, but I am sure that it will get better.


Tonight, Tammy and I are supposed to paint the town red (again).. dinner, The Prince and Me, Scrabble.. what more can you ask for. Tomorrow night I am babysitting for MB's Sunday School class and then spending the night with her.. YAY.. Sunday night I will be watching the SuperBowl with Anne... I have too much to do this weekend to be sick. Oh well, life goes on. That is what I say. I think I am gonna go see who is in the Student Center, so I can run my mouth. Then, I am going home and going to sleep... that always makes me feel better.

Answered Prayers

God is totally rockin.. just wanted to let you guys know!! I heard back from my job today and I got it. I start next Tuesday. I am so excited. I know that a lot of prayer went into this job offer and I certainly got a lot of encouragement from it. I found out that he called some of my references and that he was very impressed... that makes me feel good. I didn't do as good on my Stats test as I had hoped, but a 77 isn't too shabby for me... especially in Math. At first I was upset, but then I realized that I did my best and that was all I could do. I finally got to talk to my brother, who is in Kuwait right now. They will be shipping out to go to Iraq in the next few days. Please keep him in your prayers. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. I mean, everyone else in my family had gotten to talk to him, except for me. My family is going to send him a care package when he gets to Iraq, so if anyone wants to send him anything, just let me know. He said that there were no animals or trees..,. it is dry, desolate and quiet. He has a cold and had to pay $9 for a 12 pack of Advil, and we think we have it bad. I will never again complain about the price of anything. He is going to be driving one of the tanks from Kuwait to Iraq, which scares me and my dad to death. But, he said that there are lots of weapons on that tank, so he will be safe. I don't know. It is completely in God's hands. Anyways, out of all this rambling, I just wanted you to know that God rocks, He provides and He always takes care of His children. Just remember that!!

Submission

Submission is a very touchy subject to most people, including myself. Most people have a hard time submitting themselves to others, whether it be authority figures, such as cops, gov't officials, teachers, bosses, etc, or to your husband or wife or anyone else for that matter. But most importantly, we have a hard time submitting ourselves to God and letting him take control. I always thought of submission as doing whatever someone tells you to do, and being at their beck and call, but I found out that it means to be subject to... to honor and respect and be willing to do whatever it takes for that person, no matter what. If someone wants you to do something that goes against the Bible or your beliefs, then obviously you don't have to submit to them.

The speaker last night said that he felt that the reason that most women struggle with submission and view it as something bad is because males haven't been taking their leadership roles seriously and have abused the submission thing to scare women and get them to do what they want. This is completely wrong. For example, my stepbrother, who just turned 19 and my sister-in-law, who is 16, have been married for about four months. Every night before they go to sleep, he makes her put her hand on the Bible and promise that she will never cheat on him or leave him... EVER. Imagine having to do this everyday. I believe that this is an example of misusing submission.

Submission, along with everything else, is all about the heart and having the right motives. Submission doesn't neccessarily mean obedience. You can have respect and honor for someone and not agree with everything they say, or do everything they want you to do. I know I am probably rambling on and not making much sense, but it made sense last night. I would love to know you guys opinion on submission, just because I am curious to know from guys and girls perspectives. You can read 1 Peter for yourself and let me know what you think.

Ultimate Satisfaction!!

"He can't be fully glorified in us, until we are fully satisfied in Him"-This is a quote from a lesson that Heather taught back in July. It has been engrained in my heart, soul and mind ever since. I used to think that being satisfied and content meant that you had a significant other, a good job, a stable family and a focus and goal for your life, now I realize that while all of these things are important, they aren't most important. Being satisfied means, according to Webster,"to be convinced beyond a doubt" or to "gratify the need, desire or expectation of something." So, in other words, true satisfaction comes from the inside out, instead of the outside in. JESUS CHRIST IS MY ULTIMATE SATISFACTION!!

As I have been growing a lot spiritually and emotionally in the past few months, it is amazing how God has been working in my life and the things He has been showing me about myself and how to grow closer to Him. For example, I was having a really hard time getting over the breakup with Juan, whom I dated for a year. I had been praying and praying, but everytime I saw him, the feelings I had for him would come back. Finally, Jesus brought this quote to my attention and it has been so much easier living life single. I can honestly say that I am happy being single and that Jesus is the one true love of my life. I am spending each day now falling more and more in love with Him. I am finding my true satisfaction in Him, instead of in a relationship. This is just one example of this lesson being learned in my life. So, where do you find your true satisfaction and contentment? In Jesus Christ or in people, materialistic things, or situations? Just something to think about!!

La La La!!

You know, it's funny how God takes something that we see as an inconvienence and uses it to draw us closer to him. Ever since I started driving, I have been without a radio in my car. Now, to some of you, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I love music, I love to sing (even though it doesn't sound very good) and I love to roll down the windows and crank up the music.. especially Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. So, I complained a lot at first about not having a radio to listen to or being able to pop in a CD at the drop of a hat. Well, God took my complaints and turned them to blessings. My drives in the car are now used to sing praise songs to my Savior and to talk to Him, my best friend about whatever is on my mind. I am sure that other drivers think I have gone insane and am talking to myself, but it rocks!! It's amazing how God uses something as small as a radio not working to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, I just sit in the car and cry, pray, sing, hum, shout, whatever.. it doesn't matter. Not knocking devotional books at all, but for me personally, my time alone in the car with God has brought me closer to him than reading a devotional book, or verse of the day. The song that God has been putting in my heart, soul and mind lately is one that I have known since youth camp in ninth grade. It describes perfectly where I am in life now and how much I love God and want to grow closer to him.

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after you.
To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in your truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord,
So, lead me on, and I will run after you.
Lead me on, and I will run after you.

There are so many people in life who have no drive, focus and ambition. They are happy staying in the same spot, and never moving forward. This isn't me. I want Jesus to be my passion and my obsession. I want to chase after Him and grow closer to Him more than anything-more than friends, more than a career, more than a family, fame or fortune. All these things are great, but they don't last. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and run towards Him with a drive and force that is stronger than any other feeling you can ever imagine. JESUS IS MY PASSION AND MY OBSESSION!! Is He yours?

Compassion at it's finest!!

You know, it's kinda interesting how close you can get to your friends. I love all of my InnerG and Chicopee friends a lot and when one of you are hurting, I hurt too. I know that sounds like a silly little cliche, but it is true. Last night, after talking to Anthony on the phone and letting him know that I love him and that I would be here if he needed me, I just laid in my bed and cried for an hour. I cried for Anthony.. for his loss.. for his sadness... I prayed to God that his dad was saved and that he is spending eternity with Him. I prayed for comfort for the family and friends of Mr. Massaro. I never met the man, but somehow for that brief hour, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. Then, today at school, this lady had a seizure and was swept away on a stretcher. Once again, I found tears filling my eyes and being overcome with a wave of emotions... sadness, confusion, anger that I haven't talked to her or gotten to know her.. I know it may sound crazy, but I have been praying that God would give me more compassion for others and I guess that it is happening, slowly but surely. From little things, like friends breaking up or failing a test, to death and illness. I am learning more and more and have been learning in the past five and a half years that life is short and you never know what can happen. I just thank God that Anthony got to see his dad last month and I hope and pray that I get to talk to the lady at Gainesville College and get to know her better. This is what Jesus did.. He carried our pain, sadness, disappointments and every other emotion on His shoulders and cared more about others than Himself. I call it rockin and Webster's calls is Compassion. Just a thought

What a Bum!!!

This week has definitely been one of sadness, depression and disappointment. I mean, not only did my brother leave to go to Iraq on Monday, but I am still looking for a job. I didn't think it would be such a hard task. Tori, girl, I know how you feel. I have had a few interviews and filled out dozens of applications, but so far, nothing has worked out for me. You know, I know that God is trying to teach me something through all this, I just really wished I knew what it was. I mean, I have no money. My dad has been putting gas in my car and I have car insurance and a credit card bill due within the next three weeks. Believe me, I know that God will provide, he always does. I just need a job desperately. I mean, taking one class and coming home to twiddle my thumbs is getting old fast. I have watched an entire box set of Felicity, Season One and the First Season of Golden Girls in the past two weeks.. talk about not having a life. Anyways, didn't mean to vent or complain, that is just where I am right now. I know that this isn't permanent and that I will find a job soon, I just hate waiting..Hey, maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Anyways, the jobless bum will go for now and run my mouth in the student center, since I have nothing else to do with my life right now!!!

My brother, my hero!!!

Well, when I got home from church last night, my dad told me that my brother Jeremy had called and said that he was leaving in an hour to board a plane to go to Iraq to fight for our country. A pang of panic shot through me. I mean, I knew he was going, but I don't think that I was prepared for him to leave yet. He has been married for a little over a year and I hardly get to see him, so this really stinks. I mean, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life. Ever since he was little, he has known what he wanted to do. He has had a passion and a desire to be in the Army since he was about eight. So here is the thing, I mean of course I am worried about him dying in the line of duty, but I can't dwell on that. My thing is that I didn't get to talk to him last night and tell him good-bye. He got to talk to my dad and my little brother, but I wasn't home. I can't stand the fact that something could happen to him and he wouldn't know or get to hear me say I love him and am proud of him. I know that I can't sit around and dwell on it, or it will drive me crazy, but it kept me awake half of the night.

It's kinda like the whole thing with my mom. I mean, I got to tell her that I loved her and good-bye, but it was while she was in ICU on a ventilator. I mean, I don't even know if she heard me. For my sanity, I believe that she did, but I can't be certain. I just don't want the same thing to happen with my brother Jeremy. Everyone please pray for him. It will be a few weeks before we can talk to him or anything. Also, pray for my sister-in-law and my dad, who are taking it the hardest. I am so proud of my brother and have always considered him one of my heroes in life. I am filled with honor and appreciation that he would risk his life for our country.. I only wish I had that kind of boldness and courage. Just keep him in your prayers and I will let you know when I hear from him.


On Another note, American Idol starts tonight.. YAY!! I will be in the front row, eyes glued to the TV for two hours straight.. pathetic, I know, but that's just the way it is!!

Work!!

Hey!! Well, my first day of work was pretty bad. The people were rude, the kids were little heathens and I learned that "being nice" just doesn't work all the time. I mean, the lady that is in charge of the afterschool program is rude and didn't explain anything to me, she left it up to the lady I am working with. Two girls in afterschool, one whose grandma is the owner and the other whose mom is the secretary ran into lockers, flipped off chairs and did headstands in the middle of the classroom. They didn't listen at all when I told them to stop and they think that just because their relatives work there that they don't have to do anything... it makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it was only the first day, but first impressions are very important and their's wasn't good. One kid called the teacher a butthole because she wouldn't let him do something that he wanted to do.

I spent last night in bed, thinking praying and crying. I mean, I wanna give it a try, but I don't want to be miserable. Chestnut Mountain Academy called yesterday. Maybe I will call them back and see if they will give me more hours and treat me better. I shouldn't have to put up with rude people, on my first day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? HELP!!!

Answered Prayer

I have great news today.. I am no longer a jobless bum... I got a job yesterday, within four hours of filling out the application. I am going to start tomorrow... at a daycare center in Auburn, about 15 minutes from my house. I will be working at the afterschool program Monday thru Friday from 2:45-6:30. I am really excited because I will be working with kids, which are my passion and my love. It will also look good on my resume and for my future career as a teacher. God has really been providing for me lately and just blessing my socks off. He has been showing me that He is in charge and that He will take care of me, no matter what.

Statistics class is going pretty good too. It is definitely easier the second time around, I might add. I am still growing in the Lord and He is revealing Himself to me every day. I am reading the Five Love Languages of God and how to relate to others and use your gifts that God gave you to your advantage. It is really quite interesting and I will be talking about it from time to time. Well, it is 8:00 in the morning, I am working on my second cup of caffeine and just playing on the computer. Just wanted to let you guys and girls know how awesome God is and how much He ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!

laziness

All I know is I need to hurry up and find a job, because I am going crazy. I mean, sitting at home, being lazy and watching DVD's all day was cool for a day or so, but now it is getting old. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to be moving around and doing something all the time. I would work to give me something to do, even if I didn't need the money, which I do. I know that the right job is out there for me, it is just finding it, ya know? Anyways, that is where I am off to now, to hand out resumes and fill out applications. I will let you know if I get a job or not.

Growing

I look back over 2004 and realize how much I have grown, accomplished some huge goals and become more independent. Heather and I were talking about this the other night. I got my driver's license, which to some of you may not seem like a big deal, but it was something that I needed and had to do, I have learned a lot of things about myself, like how to be happy single, to rely more on God, instead of myself and others, and how sometimes you care about people so much that you have to let them go. I could probably write a book on everything that God has shown me in the past year. It was definitely the most incredible year of my life. I only hope and pray that 2005 will be as killer as 2004 was.

The job hunt has begun. As Tori can attest to, it is a grueling, drawn out process... get application, fill out application, wait on them to call, you call them, wait some more, have the interview only to hear them tell you that A) they already hired someone else B) you aren't qualified, or are over qualified for the position or C) we aren't hiring anymore. However, God is my Jehovah Jireh, as He has been showing me lately and He will allow me to find a job that suits my needs and helps me live for Him. So, God can keep rocking my face off. I am going home now to get more applications and take a nap. See you guys tomorrow night at Ashlie's send off party.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Hey Guys!!
It's good to be back on the blog. Unfortunately, I made a D in Statistics and have to be at GC for another semester to retake it. Although, there must be a reason for it. God is my Jehovah Jirah.. my provider and he has totally been rocking my face off lately. My class was going to cost $238 and I have about $250 in my checking account. Well, I went to register yesterday and my tuition was only $38, because of a previous scholarship that had been granted for two semesters, instead of one. Then, my last paycheck at GC was supposed to be for one week, but it was for two, so I ended up with more money in my account, than I started with. God rocks. I had been praying that God would provide and he did. Now, I have money for my car insurance. I can't do work study, so I am in search of a job, but I know that God will provide that too. I am not worried. I am putting my complete faith and trust in Him. I will go for now... eat lunch and work out. Talk to you soon.

last post

Hey Guys.
This will be my last post for a while, unless I failed my Statistics Class and have to come back to GC and take it next semester. I will try to post every once in a while, when I am at a computer. Just wanted to let you know. I am feeling a little sick and do not like not knowing what I am going to do next in my life. I am very organized, structured person and love planning things. It drives me crazy to think that I have no clue what I am going to do. Hope to see you all soon.

About Me!!

I got this idea from Heather to write out 100 things about me that you may or may not no. So, grab some popcorn and a coke and enjoy the show:


1. I love to talk!!
2. Talk on the phone
3. Talk in person
4. Talk to my dog, it doesn't matter!!
5. My mom is my hero
6. She passed away five years ago
7. she had Lymphoma Cancer
8. She was only 37 years old
9. I hate needles
10. and pain
11. and blood
12. and spiders
13. and snakes
14 and anything that is creepy and crawly
15. Kenny Chesney is hot!!
16. peanut butter, mayonnaise and banana sandwiches are delicious
17. I eat ketchup on everything, well, almost everything
18. I love Chick-Fil-A
19 and Starbucks
20 and Wendy's 99 cent value meal
21. Psalm 139 is my favorite
22. "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."
23. Mistakes are meant to be learned from, not repeated.
24. I am obsessed with butterflies
25. and purple
26. My dream is to visit Costa Rica
27. and get my poetry published
28. Jesus is the Lover of my Soul
29. I cry at every movie I watch
30. I have a poodle
31. She weighs six pounds
32. and is spoiled rotten
33. I always wished I had a sister
34. But got three brothers instead
35. Golden Girls is my favorite sitcom
36. Maya Angelou is my favorite poet
37. I know every word to every nursery rhyme
38. and every Barney Song
39. and every theme song from every TV show I ever watched.
40. The Price Is Right is the best game show ever.
41. I have a secret crush
42. I love to ride Harleys
43. and wear leather
44. I have serious issues with intolerance
45. People who have babies and don't take care of them sadden me
46. I love kids
47. and puppies
48 and chocolate
49 Billy Graham is my hero
50. I love the Gaithers
51. 1 Corinthians 13 is my favorite chapter in the entire Bible
52. Alex Van Martin is the funniest guy I know
53. My best physical attribute is my smile
54. I have a hard time with confrontation
55. and saying NO
56. and hurting people's feelings
57. I love Elvis Presley
58. and Lynrd Skynrd
59. I know every word to The Dirty Dancing movie
60. Spongebob Squarepants is my favorite Cartoon
61. Oh, and Veggietales
62. My Cd's and DVD's are alphabetized
63 I am an organizational neat freak
64. I didn't learn how to swallow pills until 2 years ago
65. I didn't get my driver's license until 3 months ago
66. My cars name is Bonita Blanca
67. I have every card that anyone has ever given me since middle school
68. I have never been in the hospital or had a broken bone
69 which is amazing, considering that I am very clumsy
70. I fell every year of my high school career
71. I had a crush on the same guy for 7 years
72 and he never knew
73 I have an 11 ft closet filled to the brim
74. with clothes I got off of clearance racks,
75 sales racks, or thrift stores
76, Walmart is my favorite store in the universe
77. Love Spell by Victoria Secret is my favorite scent
78. I am a mean Scrabble Player
79 I love mushrooms
80 I recently became a Georgia fan
82 Go Dawgs!!
83 Statistics is the most horrible class ever
84. I am definitely a daddy's girl
85. I wish I were taller
86 and that I were more athletic
87 I am a social butterfly
88 and love hanging out with my friends
89. My dad is an ordained minister
90. InnerG and Chicopee rock my face off
91. My favorite band-hands down.. Finish Line
92. I love turtlenecks and sweaters
93. I am extremely cold natured
94 I love Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore
95 I am tenderhearted and very emotional
96. I don't understand the male species, and probably never will
97. I am a word search fein
98. I am so glad that I made this list
99. I am so glad that you are reading it
100. and I love you all very much.

God Rocks my Face off!

Hey Guys!!
I just wanna tell you how much God rocks my face off. As you all know, this is my last week at GC and my last week at my job. I am starting to job hunt. I have been freaking out about money. I have a car insurance payment due in January and a Credit Card Bill to pay off. I will get one more pay check and that is it. I have no idea how I am going to pay it all right? So, what do I do? I start complaining to God and whining and telling him that I am worried about money. I asked Him to provide me a way to pay my bills. Well, yesterday at work, one of my previous teachers came in and said that she was gonna be out of town for eleven days after Christmas and she will pay me $ 20 a day to come and feed her dogs and leave. I have to drive to Gainesville, but that $220 will pay my car insurance. Isn't God good?

Props to Kelly Adams... 3 A's and 2 B's and on the Dean's list at North Georgia College and State University. I am so proud of her. She is awesome.

Going to go study for my Stats final, go to Wal-mart with Kel and pick out my present for the InnerG party, then go see Newsong and David Glen for Free... life is great!!

Brrrr... It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!!!

Hey Guys!! Well, I have one more final on Friday and my career at Gainesville College will be over. It's kind of sad, yet the feeling of accomplishment is great. I don't know if I will be able to continue to write in my blog, since I don't have Internet access at my house, but I will try to post as often as I can.

As we were watching Charlie Brown's Christmas last night, I was reminded of the real meaning of Christmas. I have always been big on buying presents, even if I don't have the money, and giving to others, which is all well and good, but sometimes I neglect to see or recognize the real reason for the season. Last night was a good reminder of my priorities and my mind set. Well, Heather, you have the cold weather, now we just need the snow. I love this time of year... wearing hats and scarves, drinking hot chocolate and eating gingerbread cookies, wrapping presents and decorating the tree.. Christmas is definitely my favorite Holiday.

Guess what I am getting for Christmas? The Golden Girls First Season Box Set.. I am so excited. I love that show. It is hilarious. I am still looking for a job, so if anyone hears anything, please let me know. I am going to hand out resumes and job hunt tomorrow, study for a STATS test and hopefully go to the Newsong/David Glen Concert at Blackshear Place tomorrow night!!! Hope to talk to you all soon.

Moving On!!!

Have you ever noticed that life is full of change? You stay in one place for awhile, get comfortable and then have to move on to the next stage? That is how I feel right now. As the tears roll down my cheeks, I have come to the horrifying realization that next week is my last one at Gainesville College. Most of you would probably be saying Woo-Hoo, as you would enjoy the fact that you are moving on to bigger and better things. But not me. I have been at Gainesville College for four years, I am here more than I am home and everyone here is like my family. The teachers, students, faculty and staff... even the custodians... I have gotten to know them all so well. Today was my last official BSU as a Gainesville College student and everyone kept telling me how much I meant to them and how much they are going to miss them. I hope that I have made an impact on people's lives in the past four years. I hope that everyone knows how much they have meant in my life as well. They don't even know the half of it.. I am going to miss them way more than they are going to miss me. I know that change and moving on is all a part of growing up, but it hurts. Everything good in my life always somehow gets taken away from me and I am left feeling all alone. I know some of you may think I am being overdramatic, but it's the truth. My last week of working out, my last week of sitting in the Student Center at lunch and talking and laughing with the gang, my last day of waving at familiar faces as I go down the hall, my last day of fighting to find a good parking space that is close to my classes, my last day of going to the Spanish lab and working on projects in the ACTT Center.. the list goes on and on.

I have no idea what my future holds. I have no job, haven't applied to North Georgia yet and have no idea how I will pay to go there when I do. I am scared to death to move away from home. Even though I am not home a lot, I depend on my family for a lot of things. I am so scared and so uncertain about my future. I know that God's ways are bigger than mine, but I hate change and this week is going to be really hard for me. Just pray for me, please!!! I love you all. You rock my face off!!!

Forgiveness

I was talking to a friend the other day about forgiveness. She is having a hard time forgiving one of our other friends and letting go of the things that she did to her. She wanted to know my opinion on the matter. Well, we all know that I am very opiniated and have something to say about everything. I told her about my mom and how for a long time, I had a hard time forgiving myself for things I had said and done to my mom to hurt her, before she passed away and now there is nothing I can do about it and no way to fix it. I told her to imagine the worse thing that anyone has ever done, said or thought to hurt her. This thing is nothing in comparision to what we do to hurt Jesus everyday when we sin. Jesus forgives us, so we are commanded to forgive one another. She also asked me if after you forgive someone, is it ok to still hurt about what they did to you. I told her yes. Jesus doesn't expect us to just forget about the hurt, even if we forgave the person. We are human and our flesh will still hurt, no matter what. We just have to figure out a way to deal with it and move on. If you have unforgiveness in your heart and you hold grudges against others, then you will lead a very miserable life.

On another note, David said that he enjoyed some parts of InnerG, but not others. He said that some of the things Johnny said were very insightful, but others were too preachy for his tastes. He didn't like the fact that we stand up and clap during worship time. He said that overall he is glad that he came, but he probably won't be back, unless it is strictly a social event, like the Christmas party!!! Oh well, I have done all I can do. I have exhausted all of my resources to plant the seed to allow him to get saved. It is now completely in God's hands. All I have left to give is to love him and show him Jesus through my actions, which is what I have been doing and will continue to do. Just continue to pray for him and for his heart and his soul.

To Forgive or Not Forgive.. That is the Question!!

I had a very interesting talk with a friend today about forgiveness. She is having a hard time forgiving someone who hurt her a lot and she wanted my opinion on it. Well, God has been showing me lately that I need to watch what I say to people and how I act towards them, because you never know when those words will come back to bite you in the bum. Anyways, I told her to think of every horrible thing she has ever, done, said or thought and to remember that God has forgiven her of all these things. Nothing that anyone can do to you can be as bad as when we sin against God. If God can forgive us, we should be able to forgive others. He never said that it would be easy, but we must do it. Then she wanted to know if it was ok to forgive somone and it still hurt... ABSOLUTELY!! Jesus didn't say to forgive and forget, He just said forgive. Being human, it is impossible to forget that someone has done us wrong, however we should forgive them and move on. Don't hold grudges or be unforgiving or you will be miserable. Believe me, I know!!! One of the custodians heard us talking and she said " You're a christian? No wonder you are so sweet, so am I." It was a great feeling. These are the random thoughts for today. And Heather, I am with you on the snow part. I want to be able to wear the pretty scarf that Kelly gave me for Christmas.

Here are my top Five Christmas Songs in No Particular Order:

"Winter Wonderland"
"Christmas Shoes"
"My Grown up Christmas List"
"O Holy Night"
Rockin Around the Christmas Tree"

See you tonight at InnerG.

Evil In This World

I always knew that there were thieves and vandals at Gainesville College, and everywhere in the world, but it never sunk it completely until yesterday. David and I were in the fitness center working out. I had put my purse in my bookbag in the locker in the locker room and put my clothes on top. After working out, I go to change clothes. I notice that my purse is out of my bookbag and sitting on top of it. My check book, which always stays in my wallet, is sitting on top of my bookbag. My purse is in a mess and my socks are at the bottom of it. I freak out (which is what I do in situations like that. I looked through my wallet. All my checks were still there and my credit card(Thank God!!). The only thing missing was a $10 bill which was going to be my Olive Garden money for girls night out on Saturday. The money wasn't the issue. It was the concept. I mean, for four years I have been going to GC and have never felt insecure or unsafe, until yesterday. In the past semester, artwork and patio furniture have been vandalized, cellphones and money have been stolen and I found out yesterday that two cars were stolen. The thieves stole the keys out of the locker room. Used the clicker to figure out which car it was, and got in and drove away. We live in a sick and depraved world, I am sorry to say.

More bad news... My great aunt, who is 78, lives alone and is crippled fell yesterday and broke her hip and the rod that was already in her leg. She is having surgery tomorrow, so please keep her in your prayers.

Despite all this, God is good all the time. He puts a song of praise into this heart of mine. He is the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the end.

Thanksgiving Weekend!!

Hey Guys!! Well, my Thanksgiving Break was awesome. Tiring, packed full of things to do, but awesome. I am so sick of shopping and I love to shop. If I never have to hear another cash register ringing up a purchase or hear another child whine for a toy, I will be good. Seriously though, I am so broke right now, but at least I have all of my Shopping done. It is a great feeling to not have to worry about it anymore. I ate more on Thanksgiving than I do in a month and my grandma made my two favorite things.. potato salad and banana pudding... YUMMMY!!! I love banana pudding more than chocolate and we know how much I love chocolate. I got to spend a lot of time with family over the break. Didn't crack a book, so now I am behind, but at least I got a break, right? I haven't had any more encounters with David asking me questions that I have no idea how to answer. He keeps coming up with excuses for why he won't come with me to InnerG. Maybe one day he will change his mind. Well, I'm gonna go get some Chick-Fil-A before InnerG. See you there!!

Thanksgiving Weekend!!

Hey Guys!! Well, my Thanksgiving Break was awesome. Tiring, packed full of things to do, but awesome. I am so sick of shopping and I love to shop. If I never have to hear another cash register ringing up a purchase or hear another child whine for a toy, I will be good. Seriously though, I am so broke right now, but at least I have all of my Shopping done. It is a great feeling to not have to worry about it anymore. I ate more on Thanksgiving than I do in a month and my grandma made my two favorite things.. potato salad and banana pudding... YUMMMY!!! I love banana pudding more than chocolate and we know how much I love chocolate. I got to spend a lot of time with family over the break. Didn't crack a book, so now I am behind, but at least I got a break, right? I haven't had any more encounters with David asking me questions that I have no idea how to answer. He keeps coming up with excuses for why he won't come with me to InnerG. Maybe one day he will change his mind. Well, I'm gonna go get some Chick-Fil-A before InnerG. See you there!!

I don't really have a nifty title for this blog. I don't even know what to write today, for that matter. I mean, my life is pretty insane right now. I can't wait until school is over and I have to start looking for another job. I would like to do something with one of my degrees, so if anyone has any connections, please let me know. Well, Spongebob was great. You should have seen Heather's face. She was so excited... like a little kid in a candy store. The Steven Curtis Chapman concert was great too and so was my chicken melt from Steak n Shake. Went Christmas shopping on Saturday with Tori at Discover Mills and last night to the outlet malls in Commerce. Only a few presents left to buy, which is a good thing, since my bank account is getting lower and lower. Can't wait til Thanksgiving. Going to my grandma's and boy, can she cook. It will be a great stress reliever before finals. I still have so much more school work to do in the next two weeks, it is unbelievable. Oh well, that which doesn't kill me will make me stronger, huh? Speaking of school, have to go to the infamous Spanish lab right now. Catch you later.

Slow Motion

Heather's lesson on Parent-child relationships on Monday night really got my wheels churning. It takes me back to six years ago, to when I found out that my mom had cancer. My mom and I were never very close and my dad and I would go hang out on the weekends and my mom would stay at home. It's not that I didn't want to be close to my mom, we just never found a way to tear down the wall and be close. There are so many things that I wish I could go back and say to her and do for her that I didn't do and so many things that I did say and do to her that I wish I didn't. I felt really guilty about it for a long time. But, then I realized that I was just a kid and that my mom knew how much I loved and cared about her. My dad and I's relationship has changed tremendously since my mom passed away. We aren't as close as we used to be and know I have my stepmom and we have to share him in a way. It is really hard sometimes. I mean, we hang out, go out to eat and go shopping together, but it isn't the same. The older I get, the more I wish I had my mom here. I really feel that we would be closer now and that she would be my best friend. Just thinking of her brings tears to my eyes. I haven't talked about her or cried about it in a long time, but I think about her everyday.

All of this rambling is to say that you should cherish your parents. Tell them and/or show them as much as you can that you love them. You never know when they could be gone. I never thought that I would be 17 years old and not have my mom to see me graduate, go to college, get a degree, get my license, etc. I know she is in a better place, but it hurts like crap, for lack of a better word. Spend time with them, love on them and let them know that you care. Believe me, you don't want to have to regret how you treated them later. Just a thought.

Slow Motion

Heather's lesson on parent-child relationships really got me to thinking last night. I wish that I could rewind my life back about six years ago. I wish I could go back to before I found out my mom had cancer. There are so many things that I would have done differently and so many things that I would have said to her that I didn't. Everything happened so fast. We found out she had cancer in January of 1999. The fourth of July she went in the hospital, was put on a ventilator in ICU and three weeks later on July 24, 1999, she passed away. I wish I would have shown her and told her how much I valued and loved her. I struggled with guilt and resentment for a long time. It wasn't until recently that I realized that my mom knew how much I loved her.. I listened to God when he told me she wasn't saved. I talked to her and God used a family friend to lead her to him. So, now I have the satisfaction of knowing that she will be spending eternity with Jesus. That is the most comforting feeling ever.

Now, things are different with my dad and stepmom. My daddy and I aren't as close as we were when my mom was alive. I have grown up a lot and learned more than I could ever explain to you. However, I do value my dad and my step mom. We hang out and talk. Most of the time we butt heads and disagree, but I respect their opinions and they respect mine. Family is very important to me, as well as friends. Talk to you later!!!

I don't get it!!!

Have you ever been convicted by God to do something, or not do something, and then had to listen to people tell you that you are crazy for doing that thing? This happened to me yesterday. My friend David asked me out the other day. As much as I wanted to say yes, I had to say no, because he isn't a christian. God convicted me about not dating non-believers a long time ago, so I knew what I had to do. I was talking to my parents about it last night, and Rachael, my step mom, totally dissed me and said that I was judging him and that if I found something wrong with every guy that came along, I would be lonely and miserable forever. Nice thought, huh? Talk about degrading my pride, right? I don't understand how someone can criticize me for doing what God tells me to do. It doesn't make sense.

I am not going to worry about it too much. I must do what God tells me to do. It's all about obedience and sacrifice. He is the only one who truly matters. " To obey is better than sacrifice."

persecution

persecution

You know how Jesus helped everyone, always did the right thing and was concerned for all of mankind? But, there were always those people who rejected him, no matter how hard he tried to show them the way? I felt like that last night. I was talking to my parents about David and how he really wants to date me, but I had to tell him no because he isn't a christian. This is something that God convicted me about a long time ago and I can't budge on it, no matter what. Although it was really hard for me to do this, I did it. Well, my stepmom, Rachael totally dissed me and said that I was judging him and that if I find something wrong with every guy that comes along, then I will be lonely for the rest of my life. Talk about wounding my pride, huh? It's funny how one person's rejection can make you feel discouraged and angry.

I don't care what she says. I have to do what God tells me to do. Salvation is very important on my "What I want in my future husband list," as a matter of fact it is #1. So, I guess that she can have her opinion and I can have mine. It's all about sacrifice and obedience.. God has been showing me that too. So, even if I get persecuted, or shot down, for certain things I believe, it won't change the fact that if God says it, I must do it. So, bring it on!!!

persecution

You know how Jesus helped everyone, always did the right thing and was concerned for all of mankind? But, there were always those people who rejected him, no matter how hard he tried to show them the way? I felt like that last night. I was talking to my parents about David and how he really wants to date me, but I had to tell him no because he isn't a christian. This is something that God convicted me about a long time ago and I can't budge on it, no matter what. Although it was really hard for me to do this, I did it. Well, my stepmom, Rachael totally dissed me and said that I was judging him and that if I find something wrong with every guy that comes along, then I will be lonely for the rest of my life. Talk about wounding my pride, huh? It's funny how one person's rejection can make you feel discouraged and angry.

I don't care what she says. I have to do what God tells me to do. Salvation is very important on my "What I want in my future husband list," as a matter of fact it is #1. So, I guess that she can have her opinion and I can have mine. It's all about sacrifice and obedience.. God has been showing me that too. So, even if I get persecuted, or shot down, for certain things I believe, it won't change the fact that if God says it, I must do it. So, bring it on!!!

The Courageous Lion Strikes!!

As I look over my life in the past few weeks, I am reminded of the Wizard of Oz. I feel like the cowardly lion, who wanted so badly to gain courage and boldness. I have been praying for that lately. Just a word of advice.. don't pray for something, unless you really want it and are ready for it. The past two weeks of my life have been chock full of opportunities to be bold and amazingly, I have passed the test with flying colors. It's weird how I was so bold. It had to come from God, because I am too nice and tend to let others walk all over me. But, as one of my classmates said, who used to be like me: she was tired of dusting the foot prints off of her back. I think I am to that point to. " God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of courage, love and a sound mind." This has been my life verse lately.

So, bring it on. I am ready to take on whatever life throws my way!!! With Jesus as my Lord, I can surpass and rise above any one or anything. Just a thought!!

Friends are Friends Forever

Hey Guys!! As you can see, I made it home safely. This whole ordeal has made me very thankful for my awesome support system and group of friends. Just to think that people spent two and three hours looking for me and were worried about my well being, brings tears to my eyes. I am very blessed to have such wonderful friends. It reminds me of the song that says,

" A friend's a friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never, though the welcome will not end. A lifetime is not too long to live as friends."

So, thanks to everyone for your love and support and the next time I go anywhere late at night, I will call two or three of you and let you know where I am, ok? I guess that means that I have to get more minutes for my cell phone, so you guys can stalk me and find out where I am. Just kidding. I love you guys very much and will talk to you soon.

To believe or not to believe...that is the question!!!!

I found out yesterday that my friend David believes that there is a god, but that he doesn't have any involvement in our everyday lives, he just kind of sits in the sky and watches us. The great part is that he believes there is a god. I asked him about church and he said that you don't have to go to church to believe in something. That is so true. But, I told him that church is where people who believe in the same things go to give praise to and talk about that thing that they believe in. I told him that Heather and I were going to get him a Message Bible and that I would be praying that God would convict him. We talked about God for about 30 or 40 minutes. It was great!! I was afraid of offending him or pushing him away, but God totally helped me out. He opened up the door and I took it. Keep praying for him. I believe that God is going to do something totally awesome in his life and hopefully, I will get to be a part of it.

On another note, yay Bush!! You go boy!! Another answered prayer. God is so good!! He reveals Himself in small things and in big things, it doesn't matter. He rocks my face off. I will keep you posted on the David issue and I will let you know of any new developments. Later.

Support

This weekend at Upwards Basketball I was asked to give my testimony during half time. I told Derrick that I didn't know what to say. He told me to think about it. As I was sitting in the gym talking to Heather, I realized that all of those children were blessed to have their family and friends sitting there watching them play basketball. I decided that this is what I would relay to the adults there. I was reminded of my own parents who were at every football game, home and away for four years, to watch me march. Even after my mom got cancer and underwent chemo treatments, she came to my games and sat in the car and watched me. My parents love and support is what has helped make me who I am today. That's why friends are so important to me and I am always concerned with the well being of others. The main reason why robberies, murders and other crimes are committed is because the culprits are crying out to be heard and to have someone pay them attention.

I have been struggling lately with encouraging people, instead of judging them and finding the good in others. I am reminded that I should support and love the people in my life as my parents did me. But, more importantly, the way that my heavenly father loves and supports me. He is the same loving, caring, accepting God every day. He never changes. He loves and supports me when I do a good job, when I mess up, when I am happy, when I am sad.. it doesn't matter. You will never know how much a kind word or an encouraging pat on the back or "good job" can mean to someone. Just a thought.

Support

Upwards Basketball

Upwards Basketball this weekend was an amazing experience. There were so many kids from so many different places in the world all coming together to play basketball. It was incredible. There was my buddy David who came early to practice and made like 40 baskets in a row. Then his buddy Romulus came to join him. They were so cute. Chum was a little girl who was in pre-k who just came with her sister. She followed us around everywhere and is in every other pic that Heather took. I ran the score board and the clock(not my fav, too much multi-tasking), sat at the registration table and watched two girls play MASH, a game I played in middle school and a little boy wrote me a check for a trillion dollars. I also played with the kids on the playground for a little while. It was lots of fun. More details later. Gotta go to Spanish.