It's getting closer!

So, I can't believe that Eli will be here in about 6 weeks. Robert and I are ecstatic, nervous, happy and excited. I am really scared about the labor and delivery part of the pregnancy because I know that my pain tolerance is really low. I just have to put it all in God's hands and know that He will take care of me. As the day gets closer, I have been thinking more and more about my mom and hoping that I can be half the mom to Eli that she was to me. I look back and think about my childhood and remember how my mom would sacrifice anything for me, put me and my brothers before herself and always have our best interest at heart. Even after she was diagnosed with cancer and had her chemo treatments, she came to EVERY football game home and away to watch me march in band, seeing the same half time show over and over. Sometimes she was so weak, she would have to sit in the car, but she was there. She would serve us our food first, to ensure that we had enough and when we were done, she would eat. She would save up money to pay for us to do things at school, be involved in extracurricular activities and so on. She was a great role model, mentor and mom. I just wish she was here now to help me through this amazing pregnancy journey, to offer advice and encouragement, and to just watch Eli grow up. I love and miss her so much and know that she is looking down on us from heaven. Rest in peace, mom!! We love you sooooooooooo much!

pregnancy

Pregnancy is an amazing experience...one that people have told me about for years, but until you have been there yourself, you wouldn't understand. I mean, I had people tell me how amazing it is to feel the baby kick inside of you, but until you actually feel it, it is totally different. Robert got to feel the baby kick the other day and it was incredible. He got so excited!! While I am scared to death as labor and delivery gets closer, I am excited about being a mom and watching Robert be a dad. We are so blessed to have so many awesome family and friends who love and support us as well. I can't believe that I only have nine weeks (or less) to go.... that time is going to fly by. Now I am working two jobs and it is starting to be exhausting. I need to work and make money to support Eli, but at the same time, I know that I need to take care of my body and of Eli. So, I am going to cut my hours down at Stevi B's to three days a week, and still work part time at the preschool, until I can't work anymore and will go on maternity leave. All in all, I have been very blessed and had a great pregnancy so far and I have a lot of awesome things to tell Eli when he gets older. I can't wait to meet him! So excited!

pregnancy

God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!

God is so good and His timing is amazing... I have been praying for a year and a half, even more so since October when I got my Bachelor's degree, for a "big girl teaching job." While I am grateful for Stevi B's and the fact that I was able to have a job, God knows that my passion is teaching children. Well, I put in a lot of applications back in January, and never heard anything, so I forgot about it. I had a voice mail on my phone on Wednesday when I got out of Bible Study from a local preschool wanting me to come in for an interview. So, I called them back and set it up for Thursday. To be honest, I really thought that when they saw a 7 month pregnant chick waddling in their school for an interview, it would be all over, but God is bigger than my doubts :) I interviewed with the regional manager. She was very impressed with my resume and application and loved the fact that I have a Bachelor's degree and 2 years of experience. She wanted to hire me for the lead toddler teacher position, but when she found out how far along I was, she said she didn't want me to be picking up children and get used to the kids and then have to be out on maternity leave. I thought it was over. But, no, she decided that she wanted me to be a part of the team, so she offered me a part time position in the crawler room (ages 6 months to a year) until after Eli gets here, and then after I get back from maternity leave, she guaranteed me a lead teacher job...yay!! I know it is going to be hard to leave Eli for eight hours a day, five days a week, but I know He will be in good hands and I know that we will be able to provide for Him better because of my amazing job that God provided. It's funny how God is faithful, even when we are faithless. I was ready to give up, but He came through for me. I am truly blessed and can't wait to get back in the classroom :)

Parenthood

So, Robert is really cute about the whole pregnancy and having a baby thing. I will catch him looking at my belly with a big smile on his face. He is so excited about baby Eli and is going to be an AMAZING daddy :) Since Robert and I are complete opposites, and complement each other, Eli will get to see both sides of our personalities and will hopefully have a little of both himself. I hope Eli will learn how to be sensitive and emotional from me, and practical and logical from Robert. Robert will teach him when to be laid back and I will teach him when to get riled up :) I think that Robert and I are going to make a great team. When I get stressed out and overwhelmed, Robert has a way of calming me down and bringing me back to reality and when Robert is being too mellow, I have a way of helping him be more sensitive and caring.

Being pregnant has mellowed me out a lot. I can tell you that for sure. Things that I used to be OCD about, such as not going to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, or not leaving the house without making up the bed, have went out the window. I am learning how to not let little things bother me and how to relax more. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am growing a baby inside of me and taking care of him and giving him the best is more important to me than dishes, laundry or making a bed. Not that these things aren't important, but they aren't my first priority anymore. I am excited, scared and nervous about being a mom, but I know that it is going to make me a better person and it is going to be the greatest experience of my entire life... I can't wait!!! Just wish my mom was here with me to give me advice, support and encouragement. But, I am blessed that God has placed a lot of amazing people in my life to help me along the way!! Thank you Jesus!

Growing up

So, my friend Roxanne and I have been friends since middle school. I used to go to her house and have sleepovers, swim in the pool, bake cookies, watch movies, etc. Then, when we went to high school we helped each other through some really hard times. She was there for me when my mom died and I was there for her through some hard times as well. We used to always talk, plan and dream about our wedding day and when we would have kids. She moved away during college, had her first child and we kind of lost touch. She came back to Georgia about 2 years ago and we picked up right where we left off. She met and married a friend of ours from church, and yesterday, they had their beautiful baby girl, Zoey, I have been married for almost in four years and in three or four months, I will give birth to my son, Eli! I think it's really cool how our kids are gonna grow up together, just like we did. It's nice to know that they will have someone to talk to and share things with, just like their mommies did :) Who would have thought all those years ago that Zoey and Eli would literally grow up together? How awesome is that?

realizations

As Robert and I spent the morning rearranging furniture, organizing and moving stuff around to start getting the nursery together and make room for Eli's crib, the realization of what is happening in a few months hit us. As we sit here now, me playing on the computer and him playing his video games, we realize that by this summer, our lives will drastically change. There will be no more (or maybe less) of the days where we sleep in, lay around and do nothing, or go out when we feel like it, instead we will be changing diapers and feeding Eli at all hours of the night, reading him stories, rocking him to sleep and so on. And, as he gets older, we will be going to the zoo, the circus and the dreaded Chuckie Cheese :) But, we can't wait. We are so excited to see what God has in store for us and our precious baby boy. Is it going to be hard? Sure. Exciting? Yes. Scary? Probably. But, worth it? Absolutely. I keep hearing everyone say how time flies and kids grow up fast, so you should cherish every minute-that's what we intend to do. We can't wait to meet him, love him, support him and see what kind of personality he has. We can't wait to hug him, kiss him, sing to him, read to him, tell him about Jesus and spoil him rotten. While the thought of parenthood scares the daylights out of me, it also leaves me with a sense of excitement, anticipation and happiness and we can't wait!

My BFF

So, you know the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Well, I have been experiencing that for the last two weeks with my best friend. She is recovering from a surgery, and in order to get her complete healing, she is fasting from people, technology and communication, just focusing on family, God and getting better. I understand why she is doing it and respect her for it, but I miss her terribly. There have been so many times in the past two weeks that I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her and fill her in on my day, or my week, or to tell her something new about baby Eli. We will have a lot of catching up to do at the end of this week when she is done with her fast. We have been friends since 10th grade, God definitely brought us together and it is killing me to not be able to talk to or see her. She is one of the most amazing and Godly women I have ever met in my ENTIRE life and I love her more than words could ever describe.

I was thinking about the temporary distance between she and I and I related it to our relationship with Jesus. Honestly, and if we were all honest with ourselves, we would agree, there are times when my relationship with Jesus is like this... I haven't communicated or talked to him in a while and all I want to do is share my feelings, thoughts and life with him. Then other times, I distance myself from Him and can go days or weeks without talking to Him. This is sad but true. Jesus wants to be our best friend and He wants us to be able to come to Him and talk to Him whenever we want. So, I challenge everyone to give as much time and attention to their relationship with Jesus as they do in their relationship with their earthly best friend/s.

I love you bff and can't wait to talk to you tomorrow :)

My

God is present

At Bible Study yesterday, we prayed that God would make His presence known to us this week, even in small ways. Well, yesterday, I had a lot of those moments. First of all, we went to lunch after Bible Study and two of my friends paid for my lunch, which was a huge blessing. Then, on the way home, I got a flat tire. I made it to a gas station and called my uncle and he came and changed it. He also told me about a different place to go get used tires, which saved me $ 30, another huge blessing, especially since we have a baby on the way. Then, when I was going to leave the tire place, one of the workers stopped traffic, so that I could get out safely, another God moment. That afternoon, one of my friends contacted me and said that she was going to give us a pack n play for Eli, which is something we put on the registry. The list could go on and on. So many people have given us so many things for him, to help us save money. It's amazing how God is in the small things and how often we take those small things for granted. I am excited to see what He is going to do in the future. My God is awesome and I love Him so very much!

Little Moments

I always heard that being pregnant was an amazing experience, but of course, it's something that you don't understand until it's actually happening to you. I woke up this morning to Eli kicking and moving around and it was the most amazing feeling I have ever had. There are no words to describe the way I felt. I am a big advocate of reading, so I decided that I was going to start reading to Eli even when he is still in the womb, so this morning we started our reading. We read The VeggieTales Book "God Made You Special." And, I spoke over Eli and told him how special he is and how God created him especially for me and Robert. Tears filled my eyes as I thought about how he would be here in four months and I am going to be a parent... responsible for molding him, guiding him, teaching him and helping make him a competent, respectful, intelligent, child of God... that's a big task, but God has promised that He doesn't give us more than we can handle, so with Him by our side, I know we can do it.

Speaking of parenthood, this whole pregnancy has had me thinking about my mom and looking back over my life and childhood. I remember how she and my dad would drop everything and sacrifice for us. She made sure we had food and was always fix her plate last at dinner... I didn't get it then, but I do now. She would save her money and give it to us for a function at school or to buy clothes, even though she hadn't bought new clothes for herself in years. And, when I was in high school and she was really sick and taking her chemo treatments, she would ride in the car and hour away as sick as a dog, sit in the car and watch the same half time show she had seen all season, just so she could be there for us. I hope that I am half the parent to Eli that she was to me and my dad is to me now, as well as all the other "parents" that God has placed in my life over the years. I am so blessed to have all these people in my life and I know that Eli will be loved, supported, encouraged and guided in a Godly way!! And, for that I am extremely thankful.

Baby Eli!

So, I am starting my blog back up again in hopes that I can continue updating it on a weekly basis, at least. I realize it has been a while since I have updated and a lot has happened. First of all, I graduated from Ashford University at the end of October and got my Bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. I am currently looking for a teaching job. In the meantime, I am busing tables at a pizza restaurant. Not what I want to do with the rest of my life, but it's a job for right now. On October 25th, Robert and I closed on our new house and we are loving it. There is so much more room and it's located in a safer and nicer neighborhood than where we lived before. But, the biggest
surprise of all is that Robert and I are going to be parents in June! We just found out about 4 weeks ago and I am already 22 weeks along. It's a boy and his name will be Elijah Hayward (eli) Charles. We were surprised, but happy at the same time. It's going to be a new adventure and we are excited to meet Eli and love on him. God has truly blessed me in so many ways. There is so much fun to be had in the next few months with baby showers, registries, and so much more. We will keep everyone updated with our progress.

Changes

So, I am almost done with my first online college course, I can't believe it. For those of you who don't know, I am taking online classes through Ashford University and should be getting my Bachelor's Degree in Early Childhood Education by next November at the latest. I am so excited. I have been wanting to go back to school for a long time and it finally happened. It's hard for me to balance school, work, church, social activities, spending quality time with Robert and keeping up with bills and housework, but I am doing it. It's making me a stronger person. I am learning that I need to rearrange my priorities and that it's ok to say NO sometimes. I don't want to stretch myself too thin or get overwhelmed and stress because then I will get sick and that won't be any good.

God is also showing me a lot about myself through working with children. I have realized that I should control situations, instead of letting them control me, that which doesn't kill me will make me stronger and hard work never hurt anyone. I am also learning that there are times when I just like to be quiet, take a nice, relaxing bubble bath and read a book by myself. I don't always have to be around people and be the center of attention.

I am doing an awesome Bible Study/discussion with some amazing ladies and I am learning a lot about my God through that... My God is my comforter, healer, peace bringer, solace and the list goes on and on. I am so excited about the study and how the Lord is speaking to me and through me.

Choir Practice started back and I LOVE it. There is nothing like singing praises to my God. He is worthy of ALL my praise.

God has also been showing me areas of weakness in myself and allowing me to work through those and become a better person. Realizing what your weaknesses are is the first step.

I know this blog is all over the place and random, but I wanted to share with you what the Lord has been doing in my life and what He has been showing me about myself through His word, others and looking inward.

I am excited about my life and my future. I will keep you posted!! Much love to you all!!!

Three Years later!!

Wow!! I can't believe it's been three years since I have written. I just stumbled upon my old blogs. It's great to look back and see where you were and where you are now. God is so good. So, Robert and I just celebrated our two year anniversary in May. Married life is amazing... hard work, but totally worth it. I am currently working part time at a preschool in Braselton. I am teaching two year olds. It's very challenging, but worth it as well. I love the environment I work in. I can talk about the Lord, my bosses and coworkers treat me like I am a human being and not just an employee.. it's great!!

I am starting classes again in July.. I am doing them online, to get my Bachelor's Degree in ECE. I am really excited. Next goal is to join a gym and lose 10 to 15 pounds... we will see :)

I will write more later... it's 1 a.m. and I am exhausted!!

I've been thinking

As I have been doing my women's bible study this week in preparation for Friday, God has hit me over the head with some of the verses. And, one of those verses happens to be one that a friend of mine told me to read just a few days ago. It's not a coincedence. God is good. So, the scripture is Romans 6. The entire thing relates to my life, but, more specifically, Romans 6: 14-" For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
Beth and I were talking the other night about how I struggle with committing the same sin over and over. I have been dealing with it since I was 15 years old. Romans 6 tells me that I am to die to my sin and enjoy my new life in Christ. If I am a Christian, then how can I continue to make the same mistake over and over? I have even started to question my salvation. It's crazy how one sin can spiral out of control. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I pray, ask for forgiveness, and somehow, find myself back in the same spot over and over again. What does this mean? Am I truly not saved? Am I just an idiot? Or, do I truly not get what it means to turn from my wicked ways?
What do you guys think... help, I am sinking here. I do feel convicted about this particular sin, but apparently, it isn't doing any good. Maybe I have just gotten comfortable with my sin and don't see it as a big deal anymore. I don't know..... I am sooooooooo confused!!!

The future Mrs. Charles

So, for those of you who don't know already.... I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!!! I am super excited. We went to Callaway Gardens yesterday to see the Butterfly House and we had a nice lunch. And he proposed to me on the way home. It was really sweet. My ring is beautiful. It's my great-grandmas 70 year old, 4th generation ring. 1/3 carat princess cut. I love it. It is totally unique, a family heirloom and no one else on earth has a ring like mine.

There are a gazillion things running thru my head right now, but I am stoked. Beth and I went to Wal-mart last night and bought wedding magazines and a wedding organizer, with everything you could possibly need to know about planning a wedding in it. I just wanted to share this with all of you, and let you know how excited I am. I love you all and will keep you posted of dates and info. And I am going to try to figure out how to post pics, so I can put some on here.

Do something... or shutup!!

It seems like every singles group I have ever been, at one time in my life or another, decides to complain and argue about stupid stuff. Like, the songs are too traditional, the speaker is too boring, the carpet isn't the right color, the speaker said something they didn't like... I could go on and on and on. So, our new Singles pastor at Hebron decided to join the Singles and College and Career group together two weeks ago. This means that there are people ranging in ages from 18 to 65 in our group.
Well, instead of going to our pastor and telling him their complaints, some of my friends in the group spent two hours at Johnnys Pizza on Thursday night arguing, complaining and criticizing our group, which happens to be called ONE. Ironic, huh? I was the only in the group who didn't agree with them, boy am I used to that? Anyways, they asked me what I thought. I said that I didn't care who came to our services, as long as God was there and that God would show up regardless. I also told them to stop coming, go to him with their problems, or shutup. Normally, I am a very laid back and tolerant person, but I was sick of talking about it and hearing all the negativity. I told them not to ask me anything about it anymore and that I was done with the whole conversation.
I think that one of the reasons it made me so mad is because in the Bible Study that I do with my best friend, Anne, we are studying Phillipians 2. As a matter of fact, we just finished talking about the verse that says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." It just makes me sad that people let small insignificant things determine whether they are going to praise Jesus or not. It makes no sense to me.

Anyways, on to the rest of my life. Since my coworker got fired, I am now going to be able to work 40 hours a week... a blessing in and of itself. I am still trying to find a parapro job, but until then God has blessed me with more hours, which means more money, which means I won't freak out about money as much anymore and I can get out of debt that much faster! Praise the Lord.

And, for all you sappy, love struck girls out there ( Heather Anne and Sarah) and Freddie Hershel, my stepmom is giving me her engagement ring. It is fourth generation handed down, solitaire, 1/3 carat, PLATINUM, 70 years old and beautiful. Another blessing in disguise. Now Robert and I can take the money he had saved up for a ring and put it towards the wedding, honeymoon, or save it for a down payment on a house one day. He hasn't popped the question yet, but I have a feeling it will be soon. We are going to Callaway Gardens for my birthday to see the 40 acre butterfly garden and for anyone who has known me for more than five minutes, you know how much of a butterfly freak I am. Brooke, Beth and Anne all say it would be romantic if he proposed to me there, but we shall see.

So, I am bunny sitting this weekend, as well as staying at my friends house. It's pretty cool.. Internet access, cable, mountain dew and soaking in a bubble bath in her huge garden tub. Not too shabby. Let me just say that, although bunnies are cute, I could never have one as a pet. They stink, shed and just sit in a cage and wiggle their nose. And, I might add, cleaning out their litter box is no fun either. So, that's my weekend and that's what's been going on in my life. Talk to you guys later. Much love for ya!!!

An Ode to my mom

This time of year always makes me a little sad and I find myself breaking out old photo albums and reminiscing of years past. Since Mothers Day is Sunday, I have been thinking a lot about my mom. We were talking in my college and career group last night about how time is fleeting and how you never know how long you have to live on this earth. Depressing, huh? But, we were also talking about Phillipians and how even though Paul was in prison and facing death, he remained joyful and praised God!! Then, Jon (my singles Pastor) told us of a very prestigious surgeon in the area who is a devout man of God, and lives Christ out in his life. He found out a few weeks ago that he contracted Hepatitis C and doesn't know how long he has to live. He has a wife and three small children. Well, the human thing to do would be to cry and scream and plead with God while yelling out things such as "Why does this have to happen to me" and "Why did you do this to me, God?" Well, this doctor was joyful and telling everyone he met about Jesus, days after finding out he had a deadly disease. WOW!!

Well, this is how my mom was. She found out she had cancer in January of 1999. She was a parapro for Special Education at Winder-Barrow High School. She started chemo treatements a few days after her diagnosis. But, you would never know she had cancer based on her attitude. She went to school everyday, loved her job and those kids, and always had a smile on her face. Even when she was weak, pale and sick, she would tell me it's gonna be ok. I was and am still amazed at her character and attitude. She had the attitude of a verse in Romans that is dear to my heart-" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." This was her life. She was a living example of Christ.

She taught me to love everyone, regardless of their situation, attitude or how they have treated others.
She taught me to never give up, even when times are hard.
She taught me to never take life for granted, life is fleeting and to make each day count.
She told me I was beautiful, that she loved me and was proud of me.
People tell me that I remind them of her, or that I look like her.
I hope and pray that I can be even half the woman she was.
My mom is my hero and I miss her and love her dearly.

So, on this Mothers Day and every day after, tell the people in your life that you love them and show them how important they are to you. Because, you never realize how much you love someone and how much they mean to you, until they are gone.

I love you mom!!!

Changes

Changes. They are hard and often, unwanted, however, in the end, they stretch you and ultimately make you a better person, right? If that is the case, I should be as stretch as a rubber band or a stretch armstrong doll ( if any one knows what that is). This past week is the week of changes. First of all, Beth and I have a contract on our house. After 4 to 6 months of zoning stuff, we will have sold the property and moved into her parents double-wide across the street. The awesom thing is that Beth's parents-whom I love dearly-will get to build their dream home, which they totally deserve. This means that we will be living with them while they build the new house. Which means, inevitably, that I will probably gain 20 pounds from eating Mama Ellen's (Beths mom) good cooking.

Then, I get a call from my dad saying that my stepmom got a new job in Blairsville, making double what she does now and that he, Rachael and Jacob, my brother, will be moving by the end of the summer. My brother will be starting school at Union County and will still be in band and drama and all that. They were going to wait until he graduated, but, due to a lot of issues with the band program and certain individuals at his school, he said that he was ready to start somewhere new. Now, you may not think this is a big deal. Blairsville is only an hour and a half away, right? Well, if you knew how much I love and depend on my family, you would understand.

It's funny- God has been showing me that I need to put Him before other people. I spend so much time seeking advice and counsel from other people, instead of coming to him with my problems. My daddy was and is like that for me. He always knew the right thing to say and would help me solve all my problems. Since I am out on my own, I have HAD to become more independent and I think that my family moving will further that process along. But, on the other hand, I will miss them terribly. Now all of my immediate family is at least an hour and a half away. Gas prices better go down soon, for my sake!!!

And, last, but not least, Robert and I have been talking more about the M word. We looked at rings and are talking about where we are going to live. I am so excited and scared at the same time. I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and I know that God sent him to me. Marriage is definitely a BIG change. I will keep you guys posted and will let you know when the 1/3 white gold, princess cut, size 5 is on my finger!!!!

Brokeness

Hey Guys!!! In lieu of Heather Anne, I decided to do my blog in her favorite color today. So, you know that song, Brokeness? Well, it has never been more important in my life than this past week. I have been struggling a lot lately with certain things in my life: Worry about the future, job situations, goals I haven't reached, etc. So, I was at my women's Bible Study group this past Friday night. I had only slept for an hour the night before because I had a six hour long nightmare. To make a long story short, it was about being trapped and not finding familiar people or surroundings. I was crying out for help and no one could help me. I felt so alone and scared. I was telling the ladies about my dream and talking about how I feel it related to my life. All of a sudden, six years of junk that I thought I had dealt with and moved on, suddenly sprang out of me and I burst into tears. It was definitely spiritual warfare and mass confusion. I talked for about 30 minutes about everything I was thinking and going through. All the ladies laid hands on me and prayed over me. That night, I went home and knelt at my bed. I cried out to God and asked him to help me and he did. I slept like a baby that night. I actually had fun on Saturday at my Defensive Driving Class and this past week has been amazing. Even on Tuesday and Wednesday when I had a stomach bug and felt like crap, God was still rocking my face off. I became broken and vulnerable to Him and to my friends and He released one stronghold that I had in my life for years and is slowly releasing the other one. God is awesome!! I will post more later.