Lesson Learned

God has been teaching me a lesson over this weekend. Actually, it's something my mom used to tell me as a kid, but of course I never listened. The lesson is that if you go your whole life not doing things because you are afraid of getting hurt, then you may miss out on a great opportunity. This happened to me this weekend. My friend Robert from Hebron told me that he liked me on Thursday night and asked me out. He is a great guy, we have a lot in common and have tons of fun together. I was kinda apprehensive about dating again period, because I am sick of getting hurt. I thought about it a lot and prayed about it and I decided that getting hurt is a part of life and a chance I have to take to get to know an awesome guy. So, I guess I am officially dating someone. It is scary and exciting, all at the same time. We are taking it very slow and are gonna do a lot of group dating, which is so fun. There is no pressure and it is a great feeling. He still has his life and I have mine, but together we have fun too. We know a little about each others past and I think that will make our relationship better. He is very sweet and considerate. I just wanted to share this with everyone and get you to pray for us. I haven't had the best track record with dating and guys and I have made a lot of mistakes in the past that I have learned from. I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.

BTW, total random subject change... my brother in Iraq just got promoted from an E-4 to an E-5. I don't really know what that means exactly, but I do know that is really good. I am so proud of him. Just keep him in your prayers also.

God is my provider

We all know that God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider, but how much do you ever think about it? At church last night, we were talking about how God provides for us always. It may not always be in the way or at the moment that we want it to, but He never leaves us hanging. God knows when and if we need the things that we want. His timing and our timing aren't always the same. If God gave us everything that we ever wanted, we would never give Him the glory. Think about it.. when we are most fufilled by the world with having everything we want, we are most distant from God. Then, when we want or need something again, we take God back out of the box we placed Him in and ask Him once again for whatever it is that we think we need and can't live without. Pretty true, huh? Why can't we just be so focused on Him and so in love with Him that we allow Him to decide what happens in our lives and when. God meant for things to be relatively simple, and we, as humans, have to make everything so darn difficult. Why is that? The more I get to know Him, the more I realize there is more to Him than I could ever fully understand or grasp. That's why I love Him so much.

So, the next time you ask God for something and He doesn't answer in your timing, don't think of it as an unanswered prayer, think of it as bad timing or something better is coming your way. That is where I am now and that is what He has been teaching me. Put Him first no matter what and then that way, no matter what happens in your life, you will know who is in control and who has the plans for your life... Him, not me, THANK GOD!!!

Stress!!

Man.. God must really be trying to deal with me at this point in my life. I have been struggling a lot lately with a lot of different issues in life. My job isn't what I thought it would be, I feel like I am not accomplishing anything that I want to accomplish, I have had to step back and examine my life and decide where I stand on certain issues and who I really trust. I am finding out who my true friends are and all that. I have been missing my mom a lot lately and it has just been really hard. I know that my God is bigger than anything I am going through, and that fact is what keeps me going and perservering to the end!! I feel as if my world has been turned upside down and I am losing control.. it is a scary feeling.

My awesome weekend

My weekend was rockin!! Considering that I was sick last weekend, it felt good to be able to have fun again. So, Friday night, I went to Inoko's with some girlfriends of mine from Dacula. Our poor waiter had burned his hand on the habachi grill and had blisters everywhere. We made friends with the people sitting next to us and the chef made us animals out of aluminum foil with our leftovers. I got a mermaid, Carrie got a frog, Marsha got a swan, Suko got an octopus and Beth got a purse. The little boy beside me got a Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle. It was awesome. On Saturday, about ten of my Dacula/Hebron friends were at my house. We ordered four large pizzas and coke. We listened to music, played Trivial Pursuit and Tabu. Then, Suko taught us a cool game called "Silent Football," which has nothing to do with football by the way and Brandy and I showed the gang how to play "Big Booty." I will have to teach it to the Inner G group.. it is really fun. They didn't leave til about 1 am. Then, on Sunday, I taught the preschoolers about Daniel and the Lions Den and we made Lions manes out of paper plates.. I wore mine into the church service and got a lot of funny looks.. oh well. I went home, ate Ravioli, watched some Felicity and chilled. Then my friend Robert came over, along with my brother and sister-in-law. They tried to teach me how to play poker... Texas Hold em and some other stuff.. I stink at Poker and betting chips.. anyways, I had a lot of fun trying. Also, great news.... I talked to my brother yesterday morning from Iraq. It made my day. He is fine.. just please continue to keep him in your prayers.

I am bringing two of my Hebron friends with me to Inner G tonight.. Robert and Clint (whom I went to HS with and graduated with). I am going to go to the mall and eat lunch with a friend and buy my man (Kenny Chesney's ) new CD... YAY!! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressful week!!

This week has been very tiring, stressful and crazy. I mean, I only have one class and a part-time job, but it seems like this week was very straining on me. I had a test this morning in Stats, which I probably could've studied a little harder for, but I think I did ok anyway. I am not complaining, but I get tired of doing the same thing for six hours at work everyday. Sitting in front of a computer, looking up email addresses, cutting and pasting them into a database.. although, I did get three states worth of churches done this week... Colorado, Iowa, and Kentucky. I have had a zillion things running through my mind this week. Been thinking about my brother in Iraq, Ashlie in Swaziland, issues I am dealing with concerning friends and stuff. I am the kind of person, unfortunately, who sits and thinks about things, analyzes them and dwells on them forever. It stinks, but that is one of my character flaws, I guess. I have a hard time getting over things and letting them go sometimes. And I always think that I can fix everyone else's problems, except for my own. Sorry guys, this is a rambling blog post today. That is the way my mind is ... random ramblings. Can any of you relate? I am sure that you can. Well, I'm gonna go now and see what else I can worry about and analyze over. Until next time.

Continued...

I wasn't really done with the post before I went to class. Anyways, Tammy and I were talking about how I am happy for her, excited about the preparations for the wedding, jealous that she is getting married and truthfully, sad that I am not even dating anyone. It is kinda bittersweet. I mean, we won't be able to have as many girls nights and go paint the town red, yellow and purple. But, most of all, I am very happy for her. I see how awesome she and Andrew are together and how much they love and care about each other. That makes the difference.

So, yeah, I guess I have just been in a mushy, sappy mood lately. I mean part of it goes with the territory.. I am a very high strung, emotional woman, ya know? Anyways, if this is happening to my best friend, then I can' t wait until I get my turn one day. YAY!!

I think I'm ready

After hanging with Tammy last night, gawking over her very beautiful engagement ring and pouring over Bridal Magazines at Starbucks for two hours, I have come to the realization that I am ok being single, but I am ready to start dating again, when the right guy comes alone. I was teasing Tammy about how she had to hook me up with her really nice looking cabana boy friend who I met on our trip to Florida (too bad he lives there, though). Then I was telling her that as her maid of honor, I must be escorted by and dance with the best man and how I hope he is nice and it would be cool if we hooked up (btw, I don't even know the best man and have never met him). I was saying all this to prove that I am ready to be in another relationship, if and when God is ready for it to happen. No rush, though!!

Anyways, I am super excited about being Tammy's maid of honor.. shopping for dresses, planning the bridal shower and bachellorette party, getting hair, nails and makeup done together.. it's gonna be a ton of fun. We were talking last night about how I am excited for her. Gotta go to class now. Talk to you later.

Happy Valentnes Day.. AKA Valloween

My friend Rodney came up with a word to say instead of Valentines Day and that is Valloween... Valentines Day and Halloween mixed together. This would be what the single people would call it, or at least me. Another one of my friends donned Valentines Day SAD day... Singles Awareness Day. Although, I have to say that everyday is a day for me to be aware that I am single, although I am perfectly fine with that. Like Leana Winn said last night. .. when you are single, you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself and what you are doing, you can use your money on other things besides dates and you can dress up for yourself, just because, and you don't have to have a reason. For all of you out there who are dating, engaged, married, whatever, props to you. I hope you get all the roses, chocolate and sweet cards that you deserve. But for all you single people out there, use this day as a reminder that the greatest love is the love that Jesus Christ has for us... HE is the lover of our souls and our best friend. Take some time today and read 1 Corinthians 13, which happens to be my favorite. Spend some time in prayer today and thank God for loving you. Also use today to do something special for someone you love... Melody and I are taking Hershey's kisses to schools in Hall County today to show them how much we appreciate them. Random Acts of Kindness.. that's what I like to call it. So, Happy Valentines Day, Valloween or S. A. D.... whatever you want to call it.

The First Day

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I emailed 6000 newsletters, which took about 3 hours and put about 200 people and their info into a data base, which took two more hours. I have to finish the emails today, only 5000 more to go. I got to eat lunch with Charles (my boss) and his family. He and his wife Laura have a three year old daughter, Faith and a 10 month old son named Wesley. They are so cute. Faith told me all about the Wiggles and wanted me to play with her. Laura and I talked about Journalism, since she has a degree in that too. She used to work for the Gwinnett Daily Post. It was quite fun. I have to be at work at 12 today. And Tammy is coming over tonight to show off her ring. That's what happening in my world right now. Just keep praying for me. ... I am still sick and have a major tooth ache. Besides that, God rocks. Gotta go to Stats now. Talk to you later!!!

Naptime!!

I never realized how much better taking a nap can make you feel. It's funny how, in kindergarten I hated taking naps, and now, I usually don't have time. Well, I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so Friday I came home from school and took a three hour nap, a two hour one on Saturday and one yesterday after church. I felt so much better after I woke up. Last night I went to bed running a 101 fever. I tossed and turned all night long. I have been taking sinus medicine, aspirin and Echinacea. Well, this morning, my fever was gone.. praise God. I am still sick, but I would rather have the sniffles and eat cough drops, than have a fever. Especially since I start my new job tomorrow, I have to feel good, ya know?


On a happier note, my best friend Tammy called me yesterday and said that her boyfriend Andrew proposed to her on a boat on the lake at Stone Mountain. We screamed and were all excited. I am going to be her maid of honor, which means I get to help her pick out her dress and all that fun stuff. Plus, I get an excuse to dress up and look drop dead gorgeous myself. I am so happy for her! Every little girl dreams of her wedding day and meeting Prince Charming, and now her dream gets to become a reality. We are getting together this week so I can see the rock and we can cry and scream some more.. you know how girls are!!! I think I am gonna head home and do laundry and take another nap before church tonight. Sweet dreams!! Don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

sniff..sniff...sniff

Sniff.. Sniff.. Sniff.. I feel horrible. I couldn't sleep last night. I was freezing, even though I had my electric blanket on high and my heater on high. I mean, I am always cold, but this is insane. I woke up with the sniffles, a back ache, and am still freezing. I never get sick, so this isn't cool. The last time I went to the doctor was eighth grade. Then, my brother missed the bus, so guess who had to take him to school? We spent 15 minutes getting ice off my winshield with the scraper, and I had to get gas. Amazingly, I made it to GC with 10 minutes to spare. Then, in Stats class, this lady in front of me accidentally spilled my entire cup of hot chocolate on the desk, the floor, my notebook, my book satchel and my jacket. As a matter of fact, I still smell hot chocolate now. So, needless to say, my morning hasn't been the best one, but I am sure that it will get better.


Tonight, Tammy and I are supposed to paint the town red (again).. dinner, The Prince and Me, Scrabble.. what more can you ask for. Tomorrow night I am babysitting for MB's Sunday School class and then spending the night with her.. YAY.. Sunday night I will be watching the SuperBowl with Anne... I have too much to do this weekend to be sick. Oh well, life goes on. That is what I say. I think I am gonna go see who is in the Student Center, so I can run my mouth. Then, I am going home and going to sleep... that always makes me feel better.

Answered Prayers

God is totally rockin.. just wanted to let you guys know!! I heard back from my job today and I got it. I start next Tuesday. I am so excited. I know that a lot of prayer went into this job offer and I certainly got a lot of encouragement from it. I found out that he called some of my references and that he was very impressed... that makes me feel good. I didn't do as good on my Stats test as I had hoped, but a 77 isn't too shabby for me... especially in Math. At first I was upset, but then I realized that I did my best and that was all I could do. I finally got to talk to my brother, who is in Kuwait right now. They will be shipping out to go to Iraq in the next few days. Please keep him in your prayers. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. I mean, everyone else in my family had gotten to talk to him, except for me. My family is going to send him a care package when he gets to Iraq, so if anyone wants to send him anything, just let me know. He said that there were no animals or trees..,. it is dry, desolate and quiet. He has a cold and had to pay $9 for a 12 pack of Advil, and we think we have it bad. I will never again complain about the price of anything. He is going to be driving one of the tanks from Kuwait to Iraq, which scares me and my dad to death. But, he said that there are lots of weapons on that tank, so he will be safe. I don't know. It is completely in God's hands. Anyways, out of all this rambling, I just wanted you to know that God rocks, He provides and He always takes care of His children. Just remember that!!

Submission

Submission is a very touchy subject to most people, including myself. Most people have a hard time submitting themselves to others, whether it be authority figures, such as cops, gov't officials, teachers, bosses, etc, or to your husband or wife or anyone else for that matter. But most importantly, we have a hard time submitting ourselves to God and letting him take control. I always thought of submission as doing whatever someone tells you to do, and being at their beck and call, but I found out that it means to be subject to... to honor and respect and be willing to do whatever it takes for that person, no matter what. If someone wants you to do something that goes against the Bible or your beliefs, then obviously you don't have to submit to them.

The speaker last night said that he felt that the reason that most women struggle with submission and view it as something bad is because males haven't been taking their leadership roles seriously and have abused the submission thing to scare women and get them to do what they want. This is completely wrong. For example, my stepbrother, who just turned 19 and my sister-in-law, who is 16, have been married for about four months. Every night before they go to sleep, he makes her put her hand on the Bible and promise that she will never cheat on him or leave him... EVER. Imagine having to do this everyday. I believe that this is an example of misusing submission.

Submission, along with everything else, is all about the heart and having the right motives. Submission doesn't neccessarily mean obedience. You can have respect and honor for someone and not agree with everything they say, or do everything they want you to do. I know I am probably rambling on and not making much sense, but it made sense last night. I would love to know you guys opinion on submission, just because I am curious to know from guys and girls perspectives. You can read 1 Peter for yourself and let me know what you think.

Ultimate Satisfaction!!

"He can't be fully glorified in us, until we are fully satisfied in Him"-This is a quote from a lesson that Heather taught back in July. It has been engrained in my heart, soul and mind ever since. I used to think that being satisfied and content meant that you had a significant other, a good job, a stable family and a focus and goal for your life, now I realize that while all of these things are important, they aren't most important. Being satisfied means, according to Webster,"to be convinced beyond a doubt" or to "gratify the need, desire or expectation of something." So, in other words, true satisfaction comes from the inside out, instead of the outside in. JESUS CHRIST IS MY ULTIMATE SATISFACTION!!

As I have been growing a lot spiritually and emotionally in the past few months, it is amazing how God has been working in my life and the things He has been showing me about myself and how to grow closer to Him. For example, I was having a really hard time getting over the breakup with Juan, whom I dated for a year. I had been praying and praying, but everytime I saw him, the feelings I had for him would come back. Finally, Jesus brought this quote to my attention and it has been so much easier living life single. I can honestly say that I am happy being single and that Jesus is the one true love of my life. I am spending each day now falling more and more in love with Him. I am finding my true satisfaction in Him, instead of in a relationship. This is just one example of this lesson being learned in my life. So, where do you find your true satisfaction and contentment? In Jesus Christ or in people, materialistic things, or situations? Just something to think about!!

La La La!!

You know, it's funny how God takes something that we see as an inconvienence and uses it to draw us closer to him. Ever since I started driving, I have been without a radio in my car. Now, to some of you, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I love music, I love to sing (even though it doesn't sound very good) and I love to roll down the windows and crank up the music.. especially Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. So, I complained a lot at first about not having a radio to listen to or being able to pop in a CD at the drop of a hat. Well, God took my complaints and turned them to blessings. My drives in the car are now used to sing praise songs to my Savior and to talk to Him, my best friend about whatever is on my mind. I am sure that other drivers think I have gone insane and am talking to myself, but it rocks!! It's amazing how God uses something as small as a radio not working to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, I just sit in the car and cry, pray, sing, hum, shout, whatever.. it doesn't matter. Not knocking devotional books at all, but for me personally, my time alone in the car with God has brought me closer to him than reading a devotional book, or verse of the day. The song that God has been putting in my heart, soul and mind lately is one that I have known since youth camp in ninth grade. It describes perfectly where I am in life now and how much I love God and want to grow closer to him.

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after you.
To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in your truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord,
So, lead me on, and I will run after you.
Lead me on, and I will run after you.

There are so many people in life who have no drive, focus and ambition. They are happy staying in the same spot, and never moving forward. This isn't me. I want Jesus to be my passion and my obsession. I want to chase after Him and grow closer to Him more than anything-more than friends, more than a career, more than a family, fame or fortune. All these things are great, but they don't last. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and run towards Him with a drive and force that is stronger than any other feeling you can ever imagine. JESUS IS MY PASSION AND MY OBSESSION!! Is He yours?

Compassion at it's finest!!

You know, it's kinda interesting how close you can get to your friends. I love all of my InnerG and Chicopee friends a lot and when one of you are hurting, I hurt too. I know that sounds like a silly little cliche, but it is true. Last night, after talking to Anthony on the phone and letting him know that I love him and that I would be here if he needed me, I just laid in my bed and cried for an hour. I cried for Anthony.. for his loss.. for his sadness... I prayed to God that his dad was saved and that he is spending eternity with Him. I prayed for comfort for the family and friends of Mr. Massaro. I never met the man, but somehow for that brief hour, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. Then, today at school, this lady had a seizure and was swept away on a stretcher. Once again, I found tears filling my eyes and being overcome with a wave of emotions... sadness, confusion, anger that I haven't talked to her or gotten to know her.. I know it may sound crazy, but I have been praying that God would give me more compassion for others and I guess that it is happening, slowly but surely. From little things, like friends breaking up or failing a test, to death and illness. I am learning more and more and have been learning in the past five and a half years that life is short and you never know what can happen. I just thank God that Anthony got to see his dad last month and I hope and pray that I get to talk to the lady at Gainesville College and get to know her better. This is what Jesus did.. He carried our pain, sadness, disappointments and every other emotion on His shoulders and cared more about others than Himself. I call it rockin and Webster's calls is Compassion. Just a thought

What a Bum!!!

This week has definitely been one of sadness, depression and disappointment. I mean, not only did my brother leave to go to Iraq on Monday, but I am still looking for a job. I didn't think it would be such a hard task. Tori, girl, I know how you feel. I have had a few interviews and filled out dozens of applications, but so far, nothing has worked out for me. You know, I know that God is trying to teach me something through all this, I just really wished I knew what it was. I mean, I have no money. My dad has been putting gas in my car and I have car insurance and a credit card bill due within the next three weeks. Believe me, I know that God will provide, he always does. I just need a job desperately. I mean, taking one class and coming home to twiddle my thumbs is getting old fast. I have watched an entire box set of Felicity, Season One and the First Season of Golden Girls in the past two weeks.. talk about not having a life. Anyways, didn't mean to vent or complain, that is just where I am right now. I know that this isn't permanent and that I will find a job soon, I just hate waiting..Hey, maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Anyways, the jobless bum will go for now and run my mouth in the student center, since I have nothing else to do with my life right now!!!

My brother, my hero!!!

Well, when I got home from church last night, my dad told me that my brother Jeremy had called and said that he was leaving in an hour to board a plane to go to Iraq to fight for our country. A pang of panic shot through me. I mean, I knew he was going, but I don't think that I was prepared for him to leave yet. He has been married for a little over a year and I hardly get to see him, so this really stinks. I mean, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life. Ever since he was little, he has known what he wanted to do. He has had a passion and a desire to be in the Army since he was about eight. So here is the thing, I mean of course I am worried about him dying in the line of duty, but I can't dwell on that. My thing is that I didn't get to talk to him last night and tell him good-bye. He got to talk to my dad and my little brother, but I wasn't home. I can't stand the fact that something could happen to him and he wouldn't know or get to hear me say I love him and am proud of him. I know that I can't sit around and dwell on it, or it will drive me crazy, but it kept me awake half of the night.

It's kinda like the whole thing with my mom. I mean, I got to tell her that I loved her and good-bye, but it was while she was in ICU on a ventilator. I mean, I don't even know if she heard me. For my sanity, I believe that she did, but I can't be certain. I just don't want the same thing to happen with my brother Jeremy. Everyone please pray for him. It will be a few weeks before we can talk to him or anything. Also, pray for my sister-in-law and my dad, who are taking it the hardest. I am so proud of my brother and have always considered him one of my heroes in life. I am filled with honor and appreciation that he would risk his life for our country.. I only wish I had that kind of boldness and courage. Just keep him in your prayers and I will let you know when I hear from him.


On Another note, American Idol starts tonight.. YAY!! I will be in the front row, eyes glued to the TV for two hours straight.. pathetic, I know, but that's just the way it is!!

Work!!

Hey!! Well, my first day of work was pretty bad. The people were rude, the kids were little heathens and I learned that "being nice" just doesn't work all the time. I mean, the lady that is in charge of the afterschool program is rude and didn't explain anything to me, she left it up to the lady I am working with. Two girls in afterschool, one whose grandma is the owner and the other whose mom is the secretary ran into lockers, flipped off chairs and did headstands in the middle of the classroom. They didn't listen at all when I told them to stop and they think that just because their relatives work there that they don't have to do anything... it makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it was only the first day, but first impressions are very important and their's wasn't good. One kid called the teacher a butthole because she wouldn't let him do something that he wanted to do.

I spent last night in bed, thinking praying and crying. I mean, I wanna give it a try, but I don't want to be miserable. Chestnut Mountain Academy called yesterday. Maybe I will call them back and see if they will give me more hours and treat me better. I shouldn't have to put up with rude people, on my first day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? HELP!!!

Answered Prayer

I have great news today.. I am no longer a jobless bum... I got a job yesterday, within four hours of filling out the application. I am going to start tomorrow... at a daycare center in Auburn, about 15 minutes from my house. I will be working at the afterschool program Monday thru Friday from 2:45-6:30. I am really excited because I will be working with kids, which are my passion and my love. It will also look good on my resume and for my future career as a teacher. God has really been providing for me lately and just blessing my socks off. He has been showing me that He is in charge and that He will take care of me, no matter what.

Statistics class is going pretty good too. It is definitely easier the second time around, I might add. I am still growing in the Lord and He is revealing Himself to me every day. I am reading the Five Love Languages of God and how to relate to others and use your gifts that God gave you to your advantage. It is really quite interesting and I will be talking about it from time to time. Well, it is 8:00 in the morning, I am working on my second cup of caffeine and just playing on the computer. Just wanted to let you guys and girls know how awesome God is and how much He ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!