Continued...

I wasn't really done with the post before I went to class. Anyways, Tammy and I were talking about how I am happy for her, excited about the preparations for the wedding, jealous that she is getting married and truthfully, sad that I am not even dating anyone. It is kinda bittersweet. I mean, we won't be able to have as many girls nights and go paint the town red, yellow and purple. But, most of all, I am very happy for her. I see how awesome she and Andrew are together and how much they love and care about each other. That makes the difference.

So, yeah, I guess I have just been in a mushy, sappy mood lately. I mean part of it goes with the territory.. I am a very high strung, emotional woman, ya know? Anyways, if this is happening to my best friend, then I can' t wait until I get my turn one day. YAY!!

I think I'm ready

After hanging with Tammy last night, gawking over her very beautiful engagement ring and pouring over Bridal Magazines at Starbucks for two hours, I have come to the realization that I am ok being single, but I am ready to start dating again, when the right guy comes alone. I was teasing Tammy about how she had to hook me up with her really nice looking cabana boy friend who I met on our trip to Florida (too bad he lives there, though). Then I was telling her that as her maid of honor, I must be escorted by and dance with the best man and how I hope he is nice and it would be cool if we hooked up (btw, I don't even know the best man and have never met him). I was saying all this to prove that I am ready to be in another relationship, if and when God is ready for it to happen. No rush, though!!

Anyways, I am super excited about being Tammy's maid of honor.. shopping for dresses, planning the bridal shower and bachellorette party, getting hair, nails and makeup done together.. it's gonna be a ton of fun. We were talking last night about how I am excited for her. Gotta go to class now. Talk to you later.

Happy Valentnes Day.. AKA Valloween

My friend Rodney came up with a word to say instead of Valentines Day and that is Valloween... Valentines Day and Halloween mixed together. This would be what the single people would call it, or at least me. Another one of my friends donned Valentines Day SAD day... Singles Awareness Day. Although, I have to say that everyday is a day for me to be aware that I am single, although I am perfectly fine with that. Like Leana Winn said last night. .. when you are single, you don't have to worry about anyone but yourself and what you are doing, you can use your money on other things besides dates and you can dress up for yourself, just because, and you don't have to have a reason. For all of you out there who are dating, engaged, married, whatever, props to you. I hope you get all the roses, chocolate and sweet cards that you deserve. But for all you single people out there, use this day as a reminder that the greatest love is the love that Jesus Christ has for us... HE is the lover of our souls and our best friend. Take some time today and read 1 Corinthians 13, which happens to be my favorite. Spend some time in prayer today and thank God for loving you. Also use today to do something special for someone you love... Melody and I are taking Hershey's kisses to schools in Hall County today to show them how much we appreciate them. Random Acts of Kindness.. that's what I like to call it. So, Happy Valentines Day, Valloween or S. A. D.... whatever you want to call it.

The First Day

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I emailed 6000 newsletters, which took about 3 hours and put about 200 people and their info into a data base, which took two more hours. I have to finish the emails today, only 5000 more to go. I got to eat lunch with Charles (my boss) and his family. He and his wife Laura have a three year old daughter, Faith and a 10 month old son named Wesley. They are so cute. Faith told me all about the Wiggles and wanted me to play with her. Laura and I talked about Journalism, since she has a degree in that too. She used to work for the Gwinnett Daily Post. It was quite fun. I have to be at work at 12 today. And Tammy is coming over tonight to show off her ring. That's what happening in my world right now. Just keep praying for me. ... I am still sick and have a major tooth ache. Besides that, God rocks. Gotta go to Stats now. Talk to you later!!!

Naptime!!

I never realized how much better taking a nap can make you feel. It's funny how, in kindergarten I hated taking naps, and now, I usually don't have time. Well, I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so Friday I came home from school and took a three hour nap, a two hour one on Saturday and one yesterday after church. I felt so much better after I woke up. Last night I went to bed running a 101 fever. I tossed and turned all night long. I have been taking sinus medicine, aspirin and Echinacea. Well, this morning, my fever was gone.. praise God. I am still sick, but I would rather have the sniffles and eat cough drops, than have a fever. Especially since I start my new job tomorrow, I have to feel good, ya know?


On a happier note, my best friend Tammy called me yesterday and said that her boyfriend Andrew proposed to her on a boat on the lake at Stone Mountain. We screamed and were all excited. I am going to be her maid of honor, which means I get to help her pick out her dress and all that fun stuff. Plus, I get an excuse to dress up and look drop dead gorgeous myself. I am so happy for her! Every little girl dreams of her wedding day and meeting Prince Charming, and now her dream gets to become a reality. We are getting together this week so I can see the rock and we can cry and scream some more.. you know how girls are!!! I think I am gonna head home and do laundry and take another nap before church tonight. Sweet dreams!! Don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

sniff..sniff...sniff

Sniff.. Sniff.. Sniff.. I feel horrible. I couldn't sleep last night. I was freezing, even though I had my electric blanket on high and my heater on high. I mean, I am always cold, but this is insane. I woke up with the sniffles, a back ache, and am still freezing. I never get sick, so this isn't cool. The last time I went to the doctor was eighth grade. Then, my brother missed the bus, so guess who had to take him to school? We spent 15 minutes getting ice off my winshield with the scraper, and I had to get gas. Amazingly, I made it to GC with 10 minutes to spare. Then, in Stats class, this lady in front of me accidentally spilled my entire cup of hot chocolate on the desk, the floor, my notebook, my book satchel and my jacket. As a matter of fact, I still smell hot chocolate now. So, needless to say, my morning hasn't been the best one, but I am sure that it will get better.


Tonight, Tammy and I are supposed to paint the town red (again).. dinner, The Prince and Me, Scrabble.. what more can you ask for. Tomorrow night I am babysitting for MB's Sunday School class and then spending the night with her.. YAY.. Sunday night I will be watching the SuperBowl with Anne... I have too much to do this weekend to be sick. Oh well, life goes on. That is what I say. I think I am gonna go see who is in the Student Center, so I can run my mouth. Then, I am going home and going to sleep... that always makes me feel better.

Answered Prayers

God is totally rockin.. just wanted to let you guys know!! I heard back from my job today and I got it. I start next Tuesday. I am so excited. I know that a lot of prayer went into this job offer and I certainly got a lot of encouragement from it. I found out that he called some of my references and that he was very impressed... that makes me feel good. I didn't do as good on my Stats test as I had hoped, but a 77 isn't too shabby for me... especially in Math. At first I was upset, but then I realized that I did my best and that was all I could do. I finally got to talk to my brother, who is in Kuwait right now. They will be shipping out to go to Iraq in the next few days. Please keep him in your prayers. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. I mean, everyone else in my family had gotten to talk to him, except for me. My family is going to send him a care package when he gets to Iraq, so if anyone wants to send him anything, just let me know. He said that there were no animals or trees..,. it is dry, desolate and quiet. He has a cold and had to pay $9 for a 12 pack of Advil, and we think we have it bad. I will never again complain about the price of anything. He is going to be driving one of the tanks from Kuwait to Iraq, which scares me and my dad to death. But, he said that there are lots of weapons on that tank, so he will be safe. I don't know. It is completely in God's hands. Anyways, out of all this rambling, I just wanted you to know that God rocks, He provides and He always takes care of His children. Just remember that!!

Submission

Submission is a very touchy subject to most people, including myself. Most people have a hard time submitting themselves to others, whether it be authority figures, such as cops, gov't officials, teachers, bosses, etc, or to your husband or wife or anyone else for that matter. But most importantly, we have a hard time submitting ourselves to God and letting him take control. I always thought of submission as doing whatever someone tells you to do, and being at their beck and call, but I found out that it means to be subject to... to honor and respect and be willing to do whatever it takes for that person, no matter what. If someone wants you to do something that goes against the Bible or your beliefs, then obviously you don't have to submit to them.

The speaker last night said that he felt that the reason that most women struggle with submission and view it as something bad is because males haven't been taking their leadership roles seriously and have abused the submission thing to scare women and get them to do what they want. This is completely wrong. For example, my stepbrother, who just turned 19 and my sister-in-law, who is 16, have been married for about four months. Every night before they go to sleep, he makes her put her hand on the Bible and promise that she will never cheat on him or leave him... EVER. Imagine having to do this everyday. I believe that this is an example of misusing submission.

Submission, along with everything else, is all about the heart and having the right motives. Submission doesn't neccessarily mean obedience. You can have respect and honor for someone and not agree with everything they say, or do everything they want you to do. I know I am probably rambling on and not making much sense, but it made sense last night. I would love to know you guys opinion on submission, just because I am curious to know from guys and girls perspectives. You can read 1 Peter for yourself and let me know what you think.

Ultimate Satisfaction!!

"He can't be fully glorified in us, until we are fully satisfied in Him"-This is a quote from a lesson that Heather taught back in July. It has been engrained in my heart, soul and mind ever since. I used to think that being satisfied and content meant that you had a significant other, a good job, a stable family and a focus and goal for your life, now I realize that while all of these things are important, they aren't most important. Being satisfied means, according to Webster,"to be convinced beyond a doubt" or to "gratify the need, desire or expectation of something." So, in other words, true satisfaction comes from the inside out, instead of the outside in. JESUS CHRIST IS MY ULTIMATE SATISFACTION!!

As I have been growing a lot spiritually and emotionally in the past few months, it is amazing how God has been working in my life and the things He has been showing me about myself and how to grow closer to Him. For example, I was having a really hard time getting over the breakup with Juan, whom I dated for a year. I had been praying and praying, but everytime I saw him, the feelings I had for him would come back. Finally, Jesus brought this quote to my attention and it has been so much easier living life single. I can honestly say that I am happy being single and that Jesus is the one true love of my life. I am spending each day now falling more and more in love with Him. I am finding my true satisfaction in Him, instead of in a relationship. This is just one example of this lesson being learned in my life. So, where do you find your true satisfaction and contentment? In Jesus Christ or in people, materialistic things, or situations? Just something to think about!!

La La La!!

You know, it's funny how God takes something that we see as an inconvienence and uses it to draw us closer to him. Ever since I started driving, I have been without a radio in my car. Now, to some of you, this may not seem like that big of a deal, but I love music, I love to sing (even though it doesn't sound very good) and I love to roll down the windows and crank up the music.. especially Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. So, I complained a lot at first about not having a radio to listen to or being able to pop in a CD at the drop of a hat. Well, God took my complaints and turned them to blessings. My drives in the car are now used to sing praise songs to my Savior and to talk to Him, my best friend about whatever is on my mind. I am sure that other drivers think I have gone insane and am talking to myself, but it rocks!! It's amazing how God uses something as small as a radio not working to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, I just sit in the car and cry, pray, sing, hum, shout, whatever.. it doesn't matter. Not knocking devotional books at all, but for me personally, my time alone in the car with God has brought me closer to him than reading a devotional book, or verse of the day. The song that God has been putting in my heart, soul and mind lately is one that I have known since youth camp in ninth grade. It describes perfectly where I am in life now and how much I love God and want to grow closer to him.

Give me one pure and holy passion.
Give me magnificent obsession.
Give me one glorious ambition for my life,
To know and follow hard after you.
To know and follow hard after you.
To grow as your disciple in your truth.
This world is empty, pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord,
So, lead me on, and I will run after you.
Lead me on, and I will run after you.

There are so many people in life who have no drive, focus and ambition. They are happy staying in the same spot, and never moving forward. This isn't me. I want Jesus to be my passion and my obsession. I want to chase after Him and grow closer to Him more than anything-more than friends, more than a career, more than a family, fame or fortune. All these things are great, but they don't last. I want to keep my eyes on Jesus and run towards Him with a drive and force that is stronger than any other feeling you can ever imagine. JESUS IS MY PASSION AND MY OBSESSION!! Is He yours?

Compassion at it's finest!!

You know, it's kinda interesting how close you can get to your friends. I love all of my InnerG and Chicopee friends a lot and when one of you are hurting, I hurt too. I know that sounds like a silly little cliche, but it is true. Last night, after talking to Anthony on the phone and letting him know that I love him and that I would be here if he needed me, I just laid in my bed and cried for an hour. I cried for Anthony.. for his loss.. for his sadness... I prayed to God that his dad was saved and that he is spending eternity with Him. I prayed for comfort for the family and friends of Mr. Massaro. I never met the man, but somehow for that brief hour, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. Then, today at school, this lady had a seizure and was swept away on a stretcher. Once again, I found tears filling my eyes and being overcome with a wave of emotions... sadness, confusion, anger that I haven't talked to her or gotten to know her.. I know it may sound crazy, but I have been praying that God would give me more compassion for others and I guess that it is happening, slowly but surely. From little things, like friends breaking up or failing a test, to death and illness. I am learning more and more and have been learning in the past five and a half years that life is short and you never know what can happen. I just thank God that Anthony got to see his dad last month and I hope and pray that I get to talk to the lady at Gainesville College and get to know her better. This is what Jesus did.. He carried our pain, sadness, disappointments and every other emotion on His shoulders and cared more about others than Himself. I call it rockin and Webster's calls is Compassion. Just a thought

What a Bum!!!

This week has definitely been one of sadness, depression and disappointment. I mean, not only did my brother leave to go to Iraq on Monday, but I am still looking for a job. I didn't think it would be such a hard task. Tori, girl, I know how you feel. I have had a few interviews and filled out dozens of applications, but so far, nothing has worked out for me. You know, I know that God is trying to teach me something through all this, I just really wished I knew what it was. I mean, I have no money. My dad has been putting gas in my car and I have car insurance and a credit card bill due within the next three weeks. Believe me, I know that God will provide, he always does. I just need a job desperately. I mean, taking one class and coming home to twiddle my thumbs is getting old fast. I have watched an entire box set of Felicity, Season One and the First Season of Golden Girls in the past two weeks.. talk about not having a life. Anyways, didn't mean to vent or complain, that is just where I am right now. I know that this isn't permanent and that I will find a job soon, I just hate waiting..Hey, maybe God is trying to teach me patience. Anyways, the jobless bum will go for now and run my mouth in the student center, since I have nothing else to do with my life right now!!!

My brother, my hero!!!

Well, when I got home from church last night, my dad told me that my brother Jeremy had called and said that he was leaving in an hour to board a plane to go to Iraq to fight for our country. A pang of panic shot through me. I mean, I knew he was going, but I don't think that I was prepared for him to leave yet. He has been married for a little over a year and I hardly get to see him, so this really stinks. I mean, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life. Ever since he was little, he has known what he wanted to do. He has had a passion and a desire to be in the Army since he was about eight. So here is the thing, I mean of course I am worried about him dying in the line of duty, but I can't dwell on that. My thing is that I didn't get to talk to him last night and tell him good-bye. He got to talk to my dad and my little brother, but I wasn't home. I can't stand the fact that something could happen to him and he wouldn't know or get to hear me say I love him and am proud of him. I know that I can't sit around and dwell on it, or it will drive me crazy, but it kept me awake half of the night.

It's kinda like the whole thing with my mom. I mean, I got to tell her that I loved her and good-bye, but it was while she was in ICU on a ventilator. I mean, I don't even know if she heard me. For my sanity, I believe that she did, but I can't be certain. I just don't want the same thing to happen with my brother Jeremy. Everyone please pray for him. It will be a few weeks before we can talk to him or anything. Also, pray for my sister-in-law and my dad, who are taking it the hardest. I am so proud of my brother and have always considered him one of my heroes in life. I am filled with honor and appreciation that he would risk his life for our country.. I only wish I had that kind of boldness and courage. Just keep him in your prayers and I will let you know when I hear from him.


On Another note, American Idol starts tonight.. YAY!! I will be in the front row, eyes glued to the TV for two hours straight.. pathetic, I know, but that's just the way it is!!

Work!!

Hey!! Well, my first day of work was pretty bad. The people were rude, the kids were little heathens and I learned that "being nice" just doesn't work all the time. I mean, the lady that is in charge of the afterschool program is rude and didn't explain anything to me, she left it up to the lady I am working with. Two girls in afterschool, one whose grandma is the owner and the other whose mom is the secretary ran into lockers, flipped off chairs and did headstands in the middle of the classroom. They didn't listen at all when I told them to stop and they think that just because their relatives work there that they don't have to do anything... it makes me sick. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know it was only the first day, but first impressions are very important and their's wasn't good. One kid called the teacher a butthole because she wouldn't let him do something that he wanted to do.

I spent last night in bed, thinking praying and crying. I mean, I wanna give it a try, but I don't want to be miserable. Chestnut Mountain Academy called yesterday. Maybe I will call them back and see if they will give me more hours and treat me better. I shouldn't have to put up with rude people, on my first day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? HELP!!!

Answered Prayer

I have great news today.. I am no longer a jobless bum... I got a job yesterday, within four hours of filling out the application. I am going to start tomorrow... at a daycare center in Auburn, about 15 minutes from my house. I will be working at the afterschool program Monday thru Friday from 2:45-6:30. I am really excited because I will be working with kids, which are my passion and my love. It will also look good on my resume and for my future career as a teacher. God has really been providing for me lately and just blessing my socks off. He has been showing me that He is in charge and that He will take care of me, no matter what.

Statistics class is going pretty good too. It is definitely easier the second time around, I might add. I am still growing in the Lord and He is revealing Himself to me every day. I am reading the Five Love Languages of God and how to relate to others and use your gifts that God gave you to your advantage. It is really quite interesting and I will be talking about it from time to time. Well, it is 8:00 in the morning, I am working on my second cup of caffeine and just playing on the computer. Just wanted to let you guys and girls know how awesome God is and how much He ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!

laziness

All I know is I need to hurry up and find a job, because I am going crazy. I mean, sitting at home, being lazy and watching DVD's all day was cool for a day or so, but now it is getting old. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to be moving around and doing something all the time. I would work to give me something to do, even if I didn't need the money, which I do. I know that the right job is out there for me, it is just finding it, ya know? Anyways, that is where I am off to now, to hand out resumes and fill out applications. I will let you know if I get a job or not.

Growing

I look back over 2004 and realize how much I have grown, accomplished some huge goals and become more independent. Heather and I were talking about this the other night. I got my driver's license, which to some of you may not seem like a big deal, but it was something that I needed and had to do, I have learned a lot of things about myself, like how to be happy single, to rely more on God, instead of myself and others, and how sometimes you care about people so much that you have to let them go. I could probably write a book on everything that God has shown me in the past year. It was definitely the most incredible year of my life. I only hope and pray that 2005 will be as killer as 2004 was.

The job hunt has begun. As Tori can attest to, it is a grueling, drawn out process... get application, fill out application, wait on them to call, you call them, wait some more, have the interview only to hear them tell you that A) they already hired someone else B) you aren't qualified, or are over qualified for the position or C) we aren't hiring anymore. However, God is my Jehovah Jireh, as He has been showing me lately and He will allow me to find a job that suits my needs and helps me live for Him. So, God can keep rocking my face off. I am going home now to get more applications and take a nap. See you guys tomorrow night at Ashlie's send off party.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Hey Guys!!
It's good to be back on the blog. Unfortunately, I made a D in Statistics and have to be at GC for another semester to retake it. Although, there must be a reason for it. God is my Jehovah Jirah.. my provider and he has totally been rocking my face off lately. My class was going to cost $238 and I have about $250 in my checking account. Well, I went to register yesterday and my tuition was only $38, because of a previous scholarship that had been granted for two semesters, instead of one. Then, my last paycheck at GC was supposed to be for one week, but it was for two, so I ended up with more money in my account, than I started with. God rocks. I had been praying that God would provide and he did. Now, I have money for my car insurance. I can't do work study, so I am in search of a job, but I know that God will provide that too. I am not worried. I am putting my complete faith and trust in Him. I will go for now... eat lunch and work out. Talk to you soon.

last post

Hey Guys.
This will be my last post for a while, unless I failed my Statistics Class and have to come back to GC and take it next semester. I will try to post every once in a while, when I am at a computer. Just wanted to let you know. I am feeling a little sick and do not like not knowing what I am going to do next in my life. I am very organized, structured person and love planning things. It drives me crazy to think that I have no clue what I am going to do. Hope to see you all soon.

About Me!!

I got this idea from Heather to write out 100 things about me that you may or may not no. So, grab some popcorn and a coke and enjoy the show:


1. I love to talk!!
2. Talk on the phone
3. Talk in person
4. Talk to my dog, it doesn't matter!!
5. My mom is my hero
6. She passed away five years ago
7. she had Lymphoma Cancer
8. She was only 37 years old
9. I hate needles
10. and pain
11. and blood
12. and spiders
13. and snakes
14 and anything that is creepy and crawly
15. Kenny Chesney is hot!!
16. peanut butter, mayonnaise and banana sandwiches are delicious
17. I eat ketchup on everything, well, almost everything
18. I love Chick-Fil-A
19 and Starbucks
20 and Wendy's 99 cent value meal
21. Psalm 139 is my favorite
22. "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."
23. Mistakes are meant to be learned from, not repeated.
24. I am obsessed with butterflies
25. and purple
26. My dream is to visit Costa Rica
27. and get my poetry published
28. Jesus is the Lover of my Soul
29. I cry at every movie I watch
30. I have a poodle
31. She weighs six pounds
32. and is spoiled rotten
33. I always wished I had a sister
34. But got three brothers instead
35. Golden Girls is my favorite sitcom
36. Maya Angelou is my favorite poet
37. I know every word to every nursery rhyme
38. and every Barney Song
39. and every theme song from every TV show I ever watched.
40. The Price Is Right is the best game show ever.
41. I have a secret crush
42. I love to ride Harleys
43. and wear leather
44. I have serious issues with intolerance
45. People who have babies and don't take care of them sadden me
46. I love kids
47. and puppies
48 and chocolate
49 Billy Graham is my hero
50. I love the Gaithers
51. 1 Corinthians 13 is my favorite chapter in the entire Bible
52. Alex Van Martin is the funniest guy I know
53. My best physical attribute is my smile
54. I have a hard time with confrontation
55. and saying NO
56. and hurting people's feelings
57. I love Elvis Presley
58. and Lynrd Skynrd
59. I know every word to The Dirty Dancing movie
60. Spongebob Squarepants is my favorite Cartoon
61. Oh, and Veggietales
62. My Cd's and DVD's are alphabetized
63 I am an organizational neat freak
64. I didn't learn how to swallow pills until 2 years ago
65. I didn't get my driver's license until 3 months ago
66. My cars name is Bonita Blanca
67. I have every card that anyone has ever given me since middle school
68. I have never been in the hospital or had a broken bone
69 which is amazing, considering that I am very clumsy
70. I fell every year of my high school career
71. I had a crush on the same guy for 7 years
72 and he never knew
73 I have an 11 ft closet filled to the brim
74. with clothes I got off of clearance racks,
75 sales racks, or thrift stores
76, Walmart is my favorite store in the universe
77. Love Spell by Victoria Secret is my favorite scent
78. I am a mean Scrabble Player
79 I love mushrooms
80 I recently became a Georgia fan
82 Go Dawgs!!
83 Statistics is the most horrible class ever
84. I am definitely a daddy's girl
85. I wish I were taller
86 and that I were more athletic
87 I am a social butterfly
88 and love hanging out with my friends
89. My dad is an ordained minister
90. InnerG and Chicopee rock my face off
91. My favorite band-hands down.. Finish Line
92. I love turtlenecks and sweaters
93. I am extremely cold natured
94 I love Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore
95 I am tenderhearted and very emotional
96. I don't understand the male species, and probably never will
97. I am a word search fein
98. I am so glad that I made this list
99. I am so glad that you are reading it
100. and I love you all very much.